Life Happens
Do you ever have one of those times when your just walking along, minding your own business, and suddenly the fact that your life is completely useless hits you like a ton of bricks? I just hate it when that happens.
When I was a bit younger, I always pictured I'd turn out to be this mature, adored person whom everyone could trust. A shoulder to cry on. Everyone's friend. I guess that's where I went wrong. Sometimes, I reckon, the person who has the highest expectations for your life is yourself, and the one who is the most disappointed when you don't live up to them is also yourself. I try so hard to please people, but almost every world I speak seems to offend someone. The following rule applies to life, or at least mine(and lately, or is it just me, anything you say to anyone on Funtrivia): If you don't have anything to say that isn't remotely contradicting, don't say anything at all.
I guess people just shouldn't expect me to try anymore. And I bet if I stopped trying, no one would even notice. I try so hard to help people out, to be the reliable one, the cheery one, no matter what, but no one seems to appreciate that. At the end of the day, it doesn't amount to bull for me. Maybe I'm just a sniveling, pouting brat. But if I am, sniveling pouting brats have feelings too.
I feel like I don't belong anywhere. Like I'm
just a foreigner no matter where I go. And I don't know why I feel that way. My mum is somebody. My
dad is somebody. My sister is somebody. I have a whole family
of somebodies. Why do I feel like such a nobody? Where DID I go wrong?
What I mean to say is, I'm sick of being tired. Tired of being
sick. Tired of having the echoes of my screams just fade in to silence; the same silence I'm stuck
in waiting for help, for answers, and for a shoulder for ME to cry on.
The only solution is to grin and bear it, even when it almost seems like breaking the law of physics not to explode. To realize these feelings are life, and life happens. I guess my problem is that I try too hard and expect too much. My problem is, I let my feeligs bottle up until they spill out in a confusing jumble, like now(and these feelings apply to my personal life, not the people on this website, just so you know). Many people have it a lot harder than I do, and everyone feels misunderstood at times, so I guess I can't complain. I should be thankful my life isn't worse than this; thankful that above all else, there is a God who will never let me down even when everyone else does. A God who never disappoints me, and who will never stop loving me. Sorry for the melodrama everyone, and thanks for letting me vent.
May the Lord keep you in His hand
And never close His fist too tight.
And also, may the feelings in your blog never feel completely lost in the vast expanse of cyber-space :-)
~Wolf
