I came into town yesterday to pick my sister up from the airport.  I only have a short time with mom's puter but I feel the need to write this down.  I lead a very simple life up on my mountain and admit my ignorance of modern technology.  I only learned how to use this puter 3 months ago...I have no electricity at my cabin...no puter...no phone...no running water.  I live as people lived a hundred years ago.  I have not been in an airport for years.  After my experience with the robotic restroom at the Helena airport...I may never go back again...

     Sister's flight was delayed about an hour...the temperature outside was about 95.  I sat in the car as long as I could, but with no AC, I was soon melting.  I forced myself to go into the airport so I could cool off.  I have an extreme fear of crowded places-so this was a major step for me.  The Helena airport only has 2 gates & very few flights so it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be.  I was very thirsty-so I went into the bar and ordered a $4.00 beer.  Still thirsty...$4.00...Plane delayed another 20 minutes...$4.00...Ruh Roh...Bladder very full...

     Amongst all my weird phobias comes the fear of public toilets...I like to pee outside.  Bushes are cleaner.  Ummm...No bushes in sight.  Yikes!  So I gather every ounce of courage I have and walk towards the sign with the little stick lady on it.  Inside...not so bad...nobody else in there.  Pick a stall...walk inside...have a seat...Something not right here-where's the handle to flush this thing?  While I'm frantically looking from side to side...WHOOOOSH...Huh? I stand up...WHOOOOSH...I open the stall door...WHOOOOSH...The toilet is possessed...I gotta get out of here!  Where's the sink? 

     Ummm...who took the soap?  Where's the hot & cold?  What happened to the little handle thingy on the paper towels?  I stand there very confused and in walks a lady.  I hear the WHOOOOSH...I watch her walk out of the stall.  I smile &  pretend to be fixing my hair.  She waves her hand under what I now understand is the missing soap dispenser...squirt...another wave under the faucet...spray...once more past the paper towel machine...whirrr.  She smiles and walks out.  Ok, I get it now...wave/squirt...wave/spray...wave/whirrr.  I want to make sure I've got it right so I wave-wave-wave again.  Once more...now I'm laughing hysterically...totally amused with my new knowledge.

     Of course about this time a few flight attendants walk in while I'm conducting my "Restroom Symphony in G minor"...they smile & nod...they mutter & giggle..."Flight 243 from Salt Lake City has just landed at Gate 2..." I hear the man say...I greet my sister with a smile on my face & ask her if she needs to use the restroom...

        Wow!  I finally made it down the mountain and back to mom's puter.  I have 4 seasons at my cabin: Almost Winter-Winter-Still Winter & Mud Season.  I am currently knee deep in the latter.  There are still a few patches of snow trying to cling desparately to life, but most of the mountain is covered in mud.  Montana Mountain Mud.  Seems a shame to waste it all, maybe I should package it and sell it.  "Montana Mountain Mud Pies" or maybe some of those high dollar spas would be interested in "Montana Mountain Mud Masks"...guaranteed to tighten & tone your face...

        I have a sign on my front door that says "Please keep your muddy paws outside" unfortunately my dogs can't read.  Mud & Fun have the same meaning in dogspeak.  "Muddy Mutt" is a favorite game this time of year.  It is open to all dogs-but the boys, Spotted Man, Cool Man Luke, & Mr. Iko, seem to enjoy it the most.  (The girls, Koji & Sista, prefer to be the cheerleaders.)  Now, I am the judge in this game & as far as I can tell the rules go something like this:

        1) Players must be covered completely from nose to tail with mud

        2) Players must then wait for the exact moment the door is open & rush in as fast as possible

        3) Players then do laps around the cabin flinging as much mud as they can over furniture & floors

        4) The player that gets the cleanest & yelled at the most WINS!

        The judge then spends the next few hours with the shop-vac waiting for the next round...

         Medical Update:  Dr. Heather changed my meds again last month...yea, I know, big surprise huh?!  After months of grueling side-effects & countless med & dosage changes, she came to the conclusion that the anti-depressants were NOT working.  No kidding- I'd been trying to tell her that for months-but hey-I'm not a doctor.  The solution?  "Seroquel"...800mg...anti-psychotic   Psychotic?  Yikes!  Just the word scares me.  Who thinks up these labels anyway?  Oh well, a rose by any other name...blah blah blah...call me what ever you want.  Actually psychotic could work to my advantage...Psychotics command a certain amount of respect...instill fear...Psychotics don't have to wait in line at Baskin Robbins.  "Give me what I want & I will go away!"  Oops, tangent... The bottom line is that the Seroquel is working...no side effects...I can eat & sleep...I am LEVEL!  It's about damn time...I almost went crazy...

        Well folks, it's been almost 3 weeks since you've heard anything from me.  Nothing personal I assure you-I just had to go back home to my cabin for awhile.  Hanging out here in mom's basement was just making me crazier...visions of caged animals, jail cells, and padded rooms.  Oh, and the landlady upstairs runs a daycare for 2-5 year olds...Pitter Patter of little feet my ***!  Do you have any idea what 6 "little angels" playing "Elmo's Musical Chairs", on a hardwood floor, 1 foot above my head sounded like?!  I used to think Elmo was cool, now I'd like to hire one of the "South Side Sesame Street Gangs" to whack him.  As I am a peaceful being...I decided it was just time for me to go home...but that is a whole different blog...

        MEDICAL UPDATE:  Most of my gnarly side effects went away about a week ago...finally!  I spent 5 straight days eating elk meat and cheese-breakfast, lunch, and dinner-I believe I may have even gained back a pound or two.  I still only sleep about four hours a night, which is all I've ever slept and I don't think that will ever change-no matter how much medication I take.  Now for the bad news...I went and saw Dr. Heather yesterday and...yup...you guessed it...she changed my meds...YIKES!!!  Said I wasn't "level" enough.  While I was trying to convince her that I was "level"-I then appeared "unstable" & "agitated".  The thought of going through another month of side effect hell sent me over the edge...Sicilian temper flared...panic attack ensued...not a pretty sight.  So, she DOUBLED my Depakote-1000 mgs.  Took me off the Prozac-put me on Lexapro-20 mgs.  Explained the "possible side-effects", smiled, and sent me on my way.  I think she was glad to see me leave.  Poor Dr. Heather.

        So here I am, back at square one, actually I feel like I'm behind square one.  It's a good thing that spring thaw will be arriving soon at the cabin.  I will be so busy I won't have time to think about how "unlevel, unstable, & agitated" I am.  Ruh Roh, I see the Elmo fan club is arriving...I need to get away from here...Run G Run...

        I'm not sure that I have anything intelligent to say today.  My brain feels like a bowl of oatmeal-lumpy oatmeal without sugar, butter, or milk.  Ick.  My stomach feels like a deflated balloon-one of those twisted animal creations that scary clowns make.  Double Ick.  "Carnation Instant Breakfast" is at the top of my oxymoron list-it may be instant, but breakfast it is not.  Milk is also one of the worst substances to drink when you have cotton-mouth.  Gag.  I am convinced that "Ricochet Rabbit" is coming to my cabin this year instead of the "Easter Bunny".  I am also wondering if afore mentioned rabbit is my real baby daddy...it would explain alot. "Bing-Bing-Bing!"  "Speedy Gonzalez" & "Racer X" got nothin' on me...

        Is the endless list of side-effects better than the original problem?  I'm not so sure about that anymore.  According to Dr. Heather the meds should kick in-in another 2-3 weeks-YIKES!  If she "doesn't see any improvement" then "we will try something else."  "WE?"  While she is at home, eating a yummy dinner & getting peaceful sleep- I will be at home suckin' down "C.I.B." at 3 a.m & vacuuming my floors to burn off all my nervous energy.  Yes, folks, there is a reason why vacuums have a light on the front!  Anyway, I promised my mother that I would stick out this nightmare-&, well, you don't break a promise to a Sicilian mama.  No side-effect is worse than the dreaded "Evil Eye" or the "Kiss of Death"...

        I really need a steak & a cold beer...no, I actually want a side of beef & a keg...I need to sleep for a week...I need sedatives...Beef-Downers-Beer-those are my 3 wishes...Anyone have a spare genie I could borrow?

       

       

        Well, I feel a bit better knowing that my dogs are okay and the cabin is  standing.  Of course the dogs still have their winter coats and the cabin is still under 8 feet of snow...but that's another story.  I do not, however, feel the slightest bit better about this medication.  It's been 6 days and what I believe to be the dreaded "side effects" are kicking in.  I knew they were coming  but I must admit that I was not prepared.  For some reason, I actually thought they might just pass me by and go torment some other poor soul.

        I'm not even sure how to put it into words but in the interest of science I'll give it a try.  I feel like a cross between "Frankenstein's Monster" and the "Energizer Bunny"...yup-that's it-call me "Frankenbunny" or maybe "Frunny" for short.  It feels like 100 billion volts of electricity has been zapped into my brain & my body, well, it just keeps going & going & going...Mind you-they put me on these meds to CALM me down.  I am NOT calm.  They put me on these meds so I would SLEEP.  I am NOT sleeping.  They said I'd gain weight-I've lost 10 pounds & I'm starving.  If I was "anxious" before, am I "over-anxious" now? 

        Heart racing, eyes bulging, nervous, agitated, hungry, cotton-mouthed, Freakin Bunny...Frunny!  Hah!  I need a nap...I need a steak & a cold beer...I need some medication to counteract this medication...I do not like this ride...stop the train- I wanna get off...