When I'm bored I like to do these silly surveys that circulate through e-mail, Facebook, etc.... maybe you'll learn something interesting about me? lol

 

 

10 to 1 About Me

 

TEN HOW'S:

How did you get one of your scars?

I don't have very many scars.. I have one on my bottom lip from when I tripped and split it open on a glass coffee table when I was 3. I have another one on the side of my ankle from when I took out a chunk of skin shaving a few years ago, but that one is fading.

How did you celebrate your last birthday?

I worked from 7-3... then went to dinner (Mexican) with my mom and two aunts. Three of my friends went to see a Jerry Seinfeld performance that night, but when they were finished we went to a restaurant/bar for drinks and snacks, and some of my other friends who went to a Britney Spears concert that night didn't come...

How are you feeling at this moment?

I'm fine, thanks

How did your night go last night?

Went good.. just stayed home and watched tv..

How did you do in high school?

Good..

How did you get the shirt you're wearing?
I went to a store and paid the clerk money and took the shirt home with me..

How often do you see ur best friend?

Not very often anymore, since we don't work together or go to school together anymore :(

How much money did you spend last month?

I... really don't know. I would estimate about.. $200, including paying off a Mastercard bill.

How old do you want to be when you get married?

I don't know... maybe like 26 or 27, but since I keep getting older and don't even have a boyfriend.. who knows

How old will you be at your next birthday?

23

 

NINE WHAT'S:

Your mothers name?

Angela
What did you do last weekend?

Ummm.. not a heck of a lot, really. Wrote a test last Saturday as part of an evaluation process for getting a government job.. and I made brownies. But that's about it

What is the most important part of your life?

Honestly, nothing right now..

What would you rather be doing?

I'm pretty content sitting on my couch watching tv..

What did you last cry over?

Sad songs

What always makes you feel better when you�re upset?

Crying about it. Then some kind of chocolate.

What�s the most important thing you look for in a significant other?

Sense of humour and a feeling of security

What are you worried about?

Nothing really at the moment... trying not to get too stressy about finding a job/what I'm going to do with my life

What did you have for breakfast?

Nothing today... a candy cane latte I guess, but that was actually right before eating lunch

 

 

EIGHT HAVE YOU�S:

Have you ever liked someone who had a girlfriend/boyfriend?

Yes

Have you ever had your heartbroken?

Yes

Have you ever been out of the country?

Yes

Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?

I'm sure I have... nothing I can think of at the moment

Have you ever been back stabbed by a friend?

Sort of

Have you ever had sex on the beach?

The drink, yes... not the actual thing.

Have you ever dated someone younger than you?

Not really 'dated', but kind of hung out with, yes

Have you ever read an entire book in one day?

Yep

 

 

SEVEN WHO�S:

Who was the last person you saw?

my brother

Who was the last person you texted?

my friend ('friend'? kinda..) ryan

Who was the last person you hungout with?

Ryan.. sorta. We met for a quick lunch today but he had to get back to work

Who was the last person to call you?

Mommy

Who did you last hug?

Ryan..

Who is the last person who texted you?

Ryan

Who was the las person you said "i love you" to?

I really don't know..

 

 

SIX WHERE�S:

Where does your best friend live?

Just a few minutes away

Where did you last go?

Today I went to a job interview in a drab government building, then I went to Second Cup for a latte, then I went to A&W for lunch, then I tried to come home but I drove by my brother walking down the street in the rain, so I drove him to the bus station, then I came home

 

Where do you work?

Nowhere at the moment..

 

Where do you go to school?

Nowhere anymore... went to Carleton University

Where is your favorite place to be?

Usually at home

Where did you sleep last night?

In my bedroom

 

 

FIVE DO�S/DOES:

Do you like someone right now?

A little bit

Do you think anyone likes you?

Yes, in the same little bit way

Do you ever wish you were someone else?

Yep

Do you know the muffin man?

...Yes..

Does the future scare you?

Absolutely

 

 

FOUR WHY�S:

Why are you best friends with your best friend(s)?

Because they're fun and funny and nice to be around..

Why did you get a Facebook?

I got one when it was still quite new and people I knew were like "Omg you have to sign up, it's great and addictive!" I never found it THAT great, but it's useful

Why did your parents give you the name you have?

They liked it?

Why are you doing this survey?

Told you.. boredom

 

 

THREE IF�S:

If you could have one super power what would it be??

Flying.. or teleporting to places super quickly

If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?

I don't know.. I don't think so

If u were stranded on a deserted island & could bring 1 thing what would you bring?

A long book. Or maybe a friend to talk to.

 

TWO WOULD-YOU-EVER�S:

Would you ever get back together with any of your ex�s if they asked you?

I wish I could say no. But definitely.

Would you ever shave your head to save someone you love?

Well I don't want to be bald, but if it's a matter of life and death, then of course (don't see how me shaving my head could save anyone, but whatever..)

 

 

ONE LAST QUESTION

Are you happy with your life right now?

I'm not thrilled, but I'm alright with it, for now.

So my first 'real' full time, out of school job is finished... yesterday, November 13, was the last day of my casual contract (90 days maximum in a calendar year). I'm going to miss making the ridiculously good money for doing nothing except being bored all day, but I do have to say I'm glad for a break... Casual workers get none of the lovely benefits of being a public servant, no sick days, no vacation days, so I've only had a handful of stat holidays off (plus weekends) since July 9th. Hard to get some things done on weekends and holidays, like periodontist appointments and such. And I'm still living with Mommy and Daddy so I'm not all that concerned about being unemployed for a little while.

 

I've met with another temp placement agency (in addition to the one I met with six months ago that never contacted me again...), and the woman in the government contracts division says she has lots of contracts and can surely find me something in the near future. Working through an agency pays a lot less than working as a casual employee, but hey, it's still experience. And I'd rather sit in front of a computer than bag groceries. And this new agency has contracts that pay between $13-$16/hr whereas the one I met with before has a lot that are $10/hr or less. Frankly I made more than that bagging groceries.

 

I also have made baby steps of progress in getting a full time public service job... have written test after test and applied to endless positions and pools of candidates and inventories, including the Post-Secondary Recruitment campaign which targets young people with university degrees, to renew the baby boomer workforce that is in the process of retiring. I wrote the tests for the PSR campaign on October 31, but those positions won't be staffed until July at the earliest. I wrote a test just this morning for an HR assistant position at the same department I've been working for, Citizenship and Immigration, and I got a notice a couple of days ago from the clerical job pool that I am in asking if I wish to be considered for a support clerk position at Public Works and Government Services. The government is quite slow and it would still take *at least* a couple of months before either of those jobs would start, if I get them. And the competition is high, so who knows. I just can't get over what a big to-do it is getting into the government, the amount of time, and interviews and inventories and test after test... I just don't understand how some of the complete morons who work in the public service got in. But, once you're in, you can pretty much stay for life if you want. Hard to get fired.

 

Makes me wonder if all this hassle is worth it though... I certainly don't want to make a career out of being a government cubicle jockey. In fact, I'm about 85% certain I'll end up back in school in the not-so-distant future... September 2011, maybe. It just seems ridiculous to go through an 8-month or longer process of getting a job to only keep it for about a year.  Even if I don't go back to school though, I have no desire to do these clerical or admin jobs for any length of time. HR is fine, an assistant gets paid rather good money, actually, but it's boring as hell. I don't find it interesting, challenging or stimulating in any way. I'm afraid of exactly what I didn't want when my parents have been telling me for several years: apply to the government, get a good job - it's pretty much expected if you live in Ottawa and aren't looking to do something specific like be a doctor or lawyer. Though many doctors and lawyers in this city end up employed by the public service too - public health officials, Crown prosecutors, legal services for the individual departments, etc. I don't have a specific job title in mind for my future though, and what I'm afraid of is taking a job that's *okay* just because it pays well and has benefits and sick days and whatnot, and staying in it for years, not really enjoying it, just going through the motions.  I don't have a problem with doing clerical work and of course starting at entry-level, but I didn't go to university to be someone's admin assistant for the rest of my life. Even if that's a starting-out position... how close to something I'd like can I get from that? If I have five years experience as an assistant, how does that qualify me to move into something more like, say, social policy analysis? My thoughts are, it doesn't. I don't dismiss the government as a career totally - certainly there are some things I'd enjoy. There are social divisions, there are psychology units; there's heritage and mulitcultaralism, research, etc. - the Museum of Civilization and the War Museum are technically government departments and I would love working in a museum, I think. I just don't know how to get there...

 

Anyway. For the next couple of weeks, at least, I'm am in vacation mode. And I now realize this was a very long and boring blog.. so kudos if you've made it to the end!

In my downtime at work (I have a lot of it), I have taken to finding ways to amuse myself on the computer, without having access to games and other amusing sites (like FunTrivia!).  One such way I have passed the time has been reading different newspapers online, and once I find something I like I usually read the archives as well.  In more than one newspaper, I enjoy reading the agony aunt advice columns.  Most recently, I’ve been reading my way through the “Annie’s  Mailbox” syndicated advice column which runs in many North American newspapers. 
 
I noticed a recurring theme coming up in some of the newspapers and especially the advice columns is the subject of pornography and married/otherwise committed men who view it.  I read a story in The Daily Mail (UK) not too long ago about marriages affected by porn and the wives’ terribly difficult decision to forgive their husbands or not.  The question also comes up a lot in “Annie’s Mailbox”, with letters chock full of phrases like “utter betrayal”, “deep pain”, “how can I stay married to a man who does this?”
 
I just do not understand what the big deal is. It’s porn. So what? To me, the women in these pictures, videos, websites, etc. aren’t a real threat to a marriage.  Sure, excessive viewing of pornography can become a problem, just like anything in excess can.  I’d be angry or hurt as well if I had a husband who threw away good chunks of money on porn (especially when there is so much for free on the Internet!), or who would rather watch some girls on the computer than be with me, or who spends every waking moment watching porn to the extent that he doesn’t sleep, stops going to work, never leaves the house, doesn’t see friends or family, etc.
 
But I truly don’t think that most men have that kind of problem.  For most guys (most I know anyway), it’s just a pass time.  It’s something fun.  To me, I wouldn’t think it’s a replacement for a healthy marriage, it’s separate.  I suppose it’s a problem if he’s sneaking around or lying about watching it, but he wouldn’t feel the need to do that if his wife didn’t make such a big deal out of nothing, would he?  I mean, if he knows she doesn’t like him watching and does so anyway, then that’s not being very considerate of her, so fair enough.  But I just don’t see why she would care so much anyway. (And, just as a note, I’m not including men who set up online profiles on sex-finder websites, or meet women online to exchange photos or have cybersex.  I’m not sure where I place that kind of thing on the betrayal scale but it’s certainly much more of an issue than a guy who just watches a little porn).  I don’t see why a wife should care too much about what her husband does when he’s home alone, or when she has gone to bed early and he is still up.  Except in the case of an addiction, as I described above, how does him watching porn hurt her?  I know a lot of women don’t really care for porn, but unless he’s bugging her to watch with him, what’s the harm in him watching by himself?  There are women out there who watch it as well, or at least enjoy it with a partner.  Why is that ‘okay’?  If it’s okay for a man and woman to watch together, why not for him to watch alone if she doesn’t like it? Same as him watching football by himself if she doesn’t want to watch, in my opinion.
 
Married people? Thoughts?
 

Yes, yes, it's true! - I finally got a job!

 

My aunt gave my resumé to a manager in her office, and I am now a temporary Administrative Assistant in the Staffing sector of Strategic Resourcing of Human Resources in the Department of Citizenship and Immigration Canada. Temporary because I was hired as a "casual" (much easier to do that and doesn't take as long), which means I can work only 90 working days for any one department in a calendar year. That takes my employment until November 13.

 

It's pretty good so far, if a little dull. Government departments, I hear, are awfully slow in the summer because many people are on holidays. But that's okay, gives me time to ease into it.

 

I don't know what else to say about it right now, and I have to leave, but I will return if I think of anything else interesting to say about my job!

I meant to write a blog earlier this afternoon... It's a little anti-climactic now, but I shall write it anyway.

 

A few days ago, amid talking to family members about my brother's high school graduation, and who is going, and who is driving with whom, and all that, I suddenly realized - Oh god, Rocker Boy's brother is graduating too.

 

Rocker Boy, being my ex. I use the term 'ex' loosely as we never "officially" a couple, as he had (still has) a 'real' girlfriend, so I suppose I was more like action on the side. It was more than that, though, at least for me. Anyway, for all intents and purposes, I consider him an ex.

 

The reason him probably being at the graduation was a cause for concern for me was that I turn into a complete basket case around him.  I panic and can't think right, can barely utter complete sentences.. all that fun stuff. I haven't spoken to him since May of last year, and hadn't seen him for as long, until tonight. Somehow, since we graduated high school four years ago, we've gone from being good friends who were couple-ish at times, to practically complete strangers. Rather than maintaining the friendship-with-benefits, I suppose you could call it, he turned into more of an ass than he ever was before, with the difference being that his jackass-ery and sometimes downright cruel behaviour is/was now directed at me.

 

Since the day of our own high school graduation in June 2005, I've only seen him a handful of times. A few months after graduation, he happened to come into the store I was working at, and I guess that got him thinking about me, because for a few weeks, he was texting me a lot, asking me to go out, etc. This pattern repeated for three years, I'd get a lot of attention from him for a couple of weeks, then he'd disappear for months, only to surprise me when I was least expecting it. It seemed, at times, like a very cruel game, like he somehow knew I had just about put him out of my mind, then bam! - back he was, calling me at 3 a.m. - "I'm in front of your house, come down".

 

I have to say, as infuriating and mentally unhealthy it is for him to keep popping in and out of my life, causing me to not move on at all, because I know he'll be back, eventually, I do like the fact that he's never totally out of my life (except I think maybe now he is, as it's been over a year without him turning up on my doorstep). I still care, and I like knowing that he's still alive. He drives all the time, always randomly popping down to Kingston, Toronto, Boston, wherever his little heart and VW take him, and he basically lives on a diet of marijuana and Red Bull, and rarely sleeps. It's a fear, always present in the back of my mind, that he's going to kill himself one of these, driving back from Toronto at four in the morning, tired and stoned.

 

So, the little visits back to my life every few months wouldn't be so bad, if our relationship was not so very awkward and essentially ruined now.  While I want nothing more than to just be his friend again, know what's happening in his life, hear his voice, see his smile - I'm almost certain all he wants from me is easy action.  Most of the times over the last few years when we've gone for a little late-night drive in his car, he barely says two words for me, preferring instead to sit in silence, smoke, and put his hands down his pants (MEGA awkward).  It'd be a whole lot less awkward if he just said "I want some easy action, wanna do it?" But no, that would not be enough of a mind game for him.  Anyway, this would happen a couple of times, other times he would involve me a little more (less awkward, but still high on the awkward scale).  The last time I saw/spoke to him was one of the mega awkward times - I was more involved, but by this point the mind games had really gotten to me, and I couldn't even breathe around him, much less talk or be natural or anything.

 

Hence my fear of seeing him tonight. Well I needn't have worried - I saw him from afar, but we had no interaction. I tried scanning the crowd to see if he was there, but it was a big place with a lot of people. I waited until his brother walked across the stage to accept his diploma, found his father down below taking pictures, than followed his father (with my eyes, I'm not that much of a stalker) back up to where the family was sitting. I think Rocker Boy escaped while the crowd was giving the valedictorian a standing ovation, and I didn't see any of the family at the small reception afterwards.

 

But.. at least I know he's alive, right?