The hearing wrapped up yesterday.  On Wednesday, I had a complete meltdowon on his barrrister.  They called me at lunch time and wanted me to testify at 7 AM my time the next morning.  I told them again, that's impossible as I'm on my way to work. I can't miss work for this and they know that.  So, they asked me to do it at 8 AM, that's cutting it very close as I just start work at 8.  This week has been hectic, we have a guy out and some parts we're trying to track down and a million of those other little things that we really need to do most of which require a phone.  We only have one phone line and that makes it difficult.  So, they asked me for an hour at 9 AM, I said an hour is out of the question. I still didn't want to testify at all considering I have no idea how their system works in terms of my rights and what I should and shouldn't do.  I mean, besides the obvious things.  I know his barrister was just doing his job, but some of his suggestions were just ridiculous and I got very frustrated because he was assuming I could do things I couldn't.  And, my boss was out and I couldn't get permission.  The whole "you have to testify, wait no you don't, yes you do, no you don't" game had worn on me by this point.  It's still wearing on me now and the hearing is over.  Long and short of it, I didn't have to. 

 

Here's where I get frustrated.  I understand this is the real world and a TV show were decisions are made in a half hour or less.  But, it's going to take the judge one to two weeks to give his judgement.  Now, here's what I don't understand having not studied law.  He said he could give his decision yesterday and they'd have to wait for the official decision to come down or they could wait.  My love chose to wait for a pretty good reason.  If the judge said no, he wants to know why right away so he can file an appeal.  I can't blame him.  Hearing no then waiting a week or two to find out why would be devistating for both of us.  But, I still don't want to wait.  We have to, but it's just as stressful and just as upsetting to have to wait such a long time. It's like our lives just can't move on. We're constantly waiting for something.  I've been told that there's nothing her legal people can do in the meantime which is good news. I"m always waiting for the next silly thing.  One thing the judge did say was that he wanted a mirror order filed with my state.  We think that means he's going to say yes, since a mirror order would most likely be a moot point if he said no.  But, I don't know, I've never studied law outside of intro courses which don't cover such things.

 

I talked to him this morning.  He sounds so tired.  I feel so bad for him.  Last night,  I had one of my episodes of sleep apnea which only occur when I'm under severe stress.  I thought last night's episode might be the last one as it felt like I couldn't breathe for well over 5 minutes.  I know it couldn't have been that long, but it felt like forever.  All I remember is thinking of him and who would tell him if something truly awful happened to me.   Now, I feel selfish because I desperately need to talk to him later tonight.  There's so much going on that I need his opinion on, but I hate to keep him up when he's clearly beat.  I don't know what to do. 

 

On a happier note, I got an email from his dad yesterday.  That's the first time his dad has ever talked to me and it made me feel much better.   If I could just shake this cold terror and the sleep apena and insomnia that are coming along with it, I'd feel at least partly human again. 

 

I've made up my mind about one thing.  If we get to have a wedding, nobody is giving me away.  I'm not being given to this man, I'm coming to him because I want to.  We've fought hard for this and I'm not being handed over to him, I'm going to him of my own free will. 

I just heard from my love, things went very well today.  Apparently, his ex is digging herself a rather large hole.  Now, you or I would probably realize we're doing this and stop, not her, she just asks for a bigger shovel.   The little one talked to the judge by her own insistance, I'm not really thrilled with that, but she wanted to be heard.  Everything seems to be going well, but I'm not putting all of my eggs in one basket just yet.  Two more days to go, so who knows?  It seems the judge is becoming fed up with his ex and he's sort of making that be known.  Some of the stress is off and that's good.  I think maybe he's a little fed up with a lot of things at this point.  No offense at all meant to our Brits, but your system allows for tons of abuse.  This woman is wasting thousands of pounds of your tax dollars to drag this man through court.  She lives off of your tax dollars as well.  I'm not saying we're tons better over here, but our courts wouldn't keep allowing what amounts to state funded harassment.  Anyway, off my soapbox. It's starting to look up and that's what matters.

It's been a pretty positive day all around. I got my final grade in my Sociology class and I managed an A. So, I'm pretty happy about that.  My first psych class just started and it's going well too.  We shall see. 

I'm off to download Ripple by The Grateful Dead now, I'm in a very Jerry Garcia mood.

Good lord.  I so wish the British legal system would make up its mind.  This is kinda funny in that it would be funnier were I not in the middle of it way.  My love's solicitor looked in to the cost of flying me over to testify last week.  Let's just say a round-trip flight to London on less than a weeks notice is very pricey.  The court would have had to pay the cost, so that was right out.  Now, the solicitor seemed to miss one very important point in this from the get go, I don't have a passport.  I don't care how much pull a judge has, he can't get around that.  So, that was right out.  He added up the costs for this video conference thing and it came to $800 US.  Again, that's the courts dime not mine.  Too expensive and I can't get the day off work no matter what to do it.  Finally, my love convinced the solicitor that if  I'm left unemployed because I take an un-authorized day off work, we won't have a case.  There are two gripes here.  Gripe #1, I said the same exact thing to his solicitor and he brushed it aside!  Now, I have a huge problem with men who take something as more true when it comes from the mouth of another man, it seems my love's solicitor is one of those men.  Gripe #2 is if I had taken an un-authorized day off because they bullied me in to it, his ex's solicotors would have played up the fact that I was unemployed while totally ignoring that they created that situation in the first place.  Damned if I do, damend if I don't.  They've pretty much said that the judge and her solicitors don't want a conference call because they can't see my face.  That's the only way we can work it, so now they again think I won't have to testify.  Tell ya what, you guys hash it out and let me know huh?  I feel like I'm expected to be on hold for the next few days just in case and my life can't run like that.  I feel guilty because my life has to go on as normal while he's right now on his way to London to start this fiasco tomorrow.  Oh and today is a bank holiday over there. So, all these hurry up and wait people have the day off!  Marvie.  Last night, I was asked to prepare some more information.  My nerves are on edge and I snapped. I made it as clear as I could to him that I wasn't yelling at him, just yelling.   I asked if the court will next want to know what we'll do should an alien craft land on my front lawn.  Some of the stuff they want to know is on that level of being completely ridiculous.  I've made it clear I don't rely on benefits, but they want a complete list of which state benefits are available.  I threw in a line about not being a professional welfare recipient as a slight dig towards his ex who is a professional welfare case.   The way it was worder was genius if I do say so myself.  Fine, they want to know that there is help should a family fall on hard times, but I'm starting to feel like they want us to have a concrete plan for every little thing.   I have four psychology projects due this week on top of this court stuff.  I feel bad about focusing on school while he's literally fighting for our lives, but my schooling is a big part of our future. 

 

On to slightly more pleasant news.  My friend is expecting her second child around Christmas time.  Her son is 8 months old and frankly,I think she's out of her gourd having another baby right away, but she's the one giving birth not me.  I wish her nothing but happy thoughts, she loves kids.  Her son is one lucky little man.  Loved just doesn't begin to cover it. That kid is worshiped. We're thinking girly thoughts this time.   A friend of hers hates kids.  Hey, fine, don't have any.  But, she goes beyond that. She has parties when my friend is home then tells her she can't bring the baby because she doesn't want him touching her stuff.  She's 30 for crying out loud, she acts like she's 5.  He's a baby, what is he going to touch really?  Now, she made some snarky comment about people having "herds" of children.  This woman is miss wrong thing at the wrong time.  It's not her body, it's not her baby.  I think she should either be happy and congratulatory or she should just keep her evil mouth shut.  The mood I'm in, I may just shut it for her.  This friend, by the way, is the one who lost her first baby and almost died.  If she wants 20 kids and can have them safely, then by God, she's having 20 kids and the rest of us will love each and every one of them.   Why can't some people just be happy for others?  I don't get it.

I can't take credit for this idea, the badge is Joaniem's creation.  She asked me to post it here because she is unable to upload pictures.

So, from all of us who appreciate being allowed to keep our blogs, here's a badge just for Terry created by our own joaniem. 

Seriously, I must have killed someone important in a past life, that's the only explanation.  I'm so angry and so ticked and miffed and well, just get a thesaurus and look up any word synonymous with peeved, multiply it by 1000 and you'll get my frame of mind.  After the stunt her solicitors pulled with waiting until 5 days before the hearing to ask me to testify, we thought it was impossible and I wouldn't have to.  Well, apparently, my definition of impossible differs greatly from theirs.  The only thing I can work out is a conference call to my job.  I can't take a day off to go to Pittsburgh and give video evidence and I can't take the day off work to sit at home and answer their questions, so I have to do it this way. I'm not much happier with his solicitor right now.  Basically, I feel I've been bullied and intimidaged into giving evidence when I'm not prepared to and I don't have any legal representation of my own.  Doesn't matter.  None of my concerns seem to matter.  Again, his crazy ex wins.  This woman is hell bent on dragging everyone's lives down and she's doing a stellar job.   I haven't cried this much in ages.  I'm terrified, panicked, sick and miserable.  I've never been to court before in my life.  Worse yet, I get to go through it here by myself.  In my office at work no less.  His solicitor told me that I should just "move on with it as if my boss said yes" when I made it clear to him I couldn't even ask my boss for days! Then he had the nerve to ask him if I could have an answer by the end of the day today.  I swear, they all have selective hearing. 

 

At this rate, if we get the ok next week, I'll be in a mental unit by the end of the week and it won't matter anyway.  Lucky for me my boss is a decent guy who said I could take the call.  He's not happy about it and I have a feeling I'm really pushing my luck, but he understands.  I'm glad he does because I don't.  They did this on purpose and surprise, surprise there's nobody to protect me or watch over what happens or look out for my best interest in this.  There's not even anybody to stand up and say "hey, this isn't right."  This is what I get.  Really, I should have learned my lesson a long time ago.  I'm being punished and intimidated for loving somebody.  It's awful to say it, but I wish I hadn't fallen for him in the first place.  Hell is nothing compared to this.  Right now, I'd welcome a few days respite in  the 7th circle. It's bound to be more sane and less convoluted than my life right now.