i love u lilly

Keep replying and you might be lucky enough to have your excuses posted!!!!

Best Excuses if You Get Caught Sleeping At Your Desk

• "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
• "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
• "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
• "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
• "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people !"
• "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
• "Actually doing a "Stress Level Elimination Exercise Plan" (SLEEP) you learned at the last mandatory seminar your boss made you attend.
• "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work-related stress. Are you discriminatory towards people who practice Yoga?"
• "Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem."
• "The coffee machine is broke...."
• "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot."
• "Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!"
• "Ah, the unique and unpredictable circadian rhythms of the workaholic!"
• "Wasn't sleeping. Was trying to pick up contact lens without hands."

REMEMBER IF YOU GIVE ME MORE THINGS TO ADD AND I LAUGH I WILL ADD THEM TO MY LIST!!!!

Fun Things to do in a movie theatre....

1.      Inform the entire theatre that you have to go to the bathroom. Wait a minute or so and tell everyone that you feel better now.

2.      Applaud

3.      Laugh loudly during serious and sad scenes.

4.      Sing along with the backround music.

5.      Whenever someone opens a door yell "Don't go in there, he's got a gun!"

6.      Snore

7.      Yell "Hey, down in front!" even if you are sitting in the front.

8.      Make shadow pupputs.

9.      If you've seen the movie before, say what's going to happen right before it happens. Act amazed at your wondeful forsight.

10.  Walk around behind the screen. Jump through it. Run like hell.

11.  Pull out a gun and shoot the "bad guys." tell people that you are a part of this new "live action" movie. Shoot any movie personnel telling you to stop.

12.  Read the credits out loud.

13.  Dress as a cheerleader. Keep the actors' enthusiasm up.

14.  Stand by the screen and sign the movie.

15.  Rip off one end of a straw wrapper and blow in the straw. The wrapper will fly accros the theatre, hopefully hitting someone.

16.  (Variation of above) dip the wrapper end in ketchup. This will make it a permanent part of the screen.

17.  If it's a Disney film, go up to the prjector room and rep

MORE CRAZY STUFF FOR PEOPLE TO ENJOY I KNOW I DID!!!

Things you'll never hear one man say to another

1. Does my butt look fat in this?

2. I'm tired of beer. What say you to a nice, fruity Chablis?

3. I can't stop fantasizing about Dr. Ruth!

4. Yours is bigger than mine.

5. I think those big, jacked-up trucks look ridiculous.

6. There's nothing I like more than a quiet evening at home, watching a movie on Lifetime about some woman who gives up her baby and then suffers miserably.

7. Want all my tools? I just realized I never do anything useful with them!

8. You know what always makes me cry? Those long-distance commercials.

9. I'm deeply offended by young women who go braless.

10. Our team lost 10-1. But we tried our best, and after all that's the important thing.

Things you'll never hear one woman say to another

1. That swimsuit really flatters your figure! Would you mind keeping my husband company while I go for a swim?

2. Oh, look, that woman and I have the same dress on! I think I'll go introduce myself!

3. His new girlfriend is thinner and better-looking than I am, and I'm happy for them both.

4. If he doesn't let me hold the remote, I get all moody.

5. He earned more than I do, so I broke up with him.

6. I'm sick of dating doctors and lawyers! Give me a good old-fashioned waiter with a heart of gold any day!

7. We're redecorating the bedroom, and he keeps bugging me to help him with the color choices!

8. He talks our relationship to death! It's making me crazy!

9. Why can't I find a guy who'll have a wild carefree night of sex and then just go his seperate way for once?

10. I just realized -- my butt doesn't look fat in this -- my butt is fat!

Embarrassing Ways to Die

10)In your sleep, wearing your Superman Jammies.

9)Paper Cut.

8)Getting hit by a car...while streaking on the freeway.

7)Heart attack while line dancing.

6)During sex...with a farm animal.

5)Getting hit by a car..while wearing your "Urkel" Halloween costume.

4)Heart attack while simulating the move and wearing the clothes that your favorite professional wrestler did.

3)In your sleep, in your favorite chair with a Pauly Shore movie in the VCR.

2)At your computer while visiting a webpage other than THE FUNNY BONE!

1)In a fire, caused by a shortage in "The Clapper"

HAVE YOU GOT ANY OTHERS I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THEM

I WOULD LIKE TO THANK A FRIEND FOR POSTING THESE I LAUGHED SO I DECIDED TO POST THEM:

Accidentally suffocating yourself in your sleep with your stuffed pokemon

Choking on Juicy Juice- out of a juice box

Calling 911 instead of running when you see an airplane about to crash-land on you

Not being able to run when you see a meteor coming because you've accidentally superglued your hands to the computer keyboard- while playing FunTrivia quizzes!

THIS IS MY SURE WAY TO KEEP YOU ENTERTAINED AND EVERYONE AROUND YOU TO BE EXTEMELY PISSED OFF!!!!!

When Christmas carolling, sing “Jingle Bells, Batman smells” until physically restrained.

Wear a cape that says “Magnificent One”.

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Stand over someone’s shoulder, mumbling, as they read.

Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.

Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.

Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.

Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.

Ask people what gender they are.

Reply to everything someone says with “that’s what YOU think.”

Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.

Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern Drawl.

Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a “real hoot”.

Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don’t want to fall off “in case the big one comes”.

Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.

Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers’ brains, such as “Feliz Navidad”, the Archies’ “Sugar” or the Mr. Rogers theme song.

Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.

Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your “imaginary friend”.

Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as “sticky wicket isn’t cricket.”

Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.

Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.

Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you’ll be saying more any moment.

Never make eye contact.

Never break eye contact.

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.

Construct your own pretend “tricorder”, and “scan” people with it, announcing the results.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Make appointments for the 31st of September.

Invite lots of people to other people’s parties