First of all for those of you who don't know I am female and live with my mother and son. We have been trying to get my son potty trained because he is going to start school in September, every once in a while he does really ggod and seems to be getting it then he regresses. I finally found the problem. My son's father sees him once a week but is no help in the process, and despite my asking several times he refuses to actually show our son how it is done. Therefore, it is up to me to show him. He sees me sitting on the toilet and going and for a while, he'll do the same, I was even making progress in getting him to stand up to pee. Then, he regressed again. (Here's where it get's a little embarassing) A couple of days ago I got a very bad case of the runs while on my way home from the store and needed to get in the house ASAP, but my son just took his sweet time sauntering in despite my begging him to hurry up. When I got to the bathroom, my son walked in and I asked him why he did that I told him I had been trying to hurry so that I wouldn't have an accident. My sons reply? He pulled out a maxi pad and told me to just chang my diaper. (I was not menstrating at the time, and I keep him out of the bathroom when I am.) Get my problem? HELP please.

How old is Ander? Knowing that will help us to help you.

Does he wear diapers (we call them nappies) at all? I know that it was a long time ago but I had my daughter clean and dry during the day but she wore a nappy for bed and would promptly 'dirty' it, I would then put another clean one on her which would be wet in the morning. Then she had to have a hernia operation which meant that she couldn't wear a nappy at all, she woke by herself in the night to go to the toilet... she never wore a nappy again and never once wet the bed. She was only wetting because she had a nappy on.

My son was different, he told me that he wanted to come out of nappies even though I was unsure that he was ready. He had a few accidents but not many once I explained to him that when he felt the need to clutch at 'that' part of his anatomy it meant that he needed to go to the toilet.... I had been asking him if he needed the toilet when he clutched, that was my mistake, once I told him that is what it meant he was clean and dry. At night I placed a potty in his bedroom (on a large towel!) and he used to wake then use it. For teaching him how boys do it I bought a step so that he could stand and I have a feeling that I just told him how boys pee.

I don't know if one can buy them now but my children wore 'training pants' these were made from terry towelling, some also had plastic on the outside just in case of accidents. The important thing was that in no way did they resemble a nappy to look at. I referred to them as 'big boy pants' or 'big girl pants'.

I can sympathise with you if you are having problems - no fun at all.

[ 07-22-2001: Message edited by: sue943 ]

Age is certainly a factor in this process. So is consistency--so it would be better if your son's father was a little more in tune with what you are trying to do.

Pampers does make pull up diapers that are really disposable training pants. It might be good to switch to those and abandon the use of regular diapers. Toilet training does involve relinquishing the use of diapers--and some children are anxious about doing that, and so the whole toilet training process can get slowed down. Shifting to only using the pull up diapers (training pants) might make the situation a little clearer for your son. It may make it easier for him too, since it will break the toilet training into "stages"--the first stage being at least able to say bye bye to regular diapers. He may also be more reluctant to have an accident in the disposable training pants--and that might give him a little added incentive. And the training pants may also give him a feeling of more independence--and that might be beneficial too.

Why are you concerned--at all--about whether he pees sitting down or standing up? At this stage of the game all you want him to do is to recognize the urge to go, signal you about it, and to try to hold it until he gets to the toilet. If he wants to do everything sitting down, that might be easier for him right now. He can copy you right now--he doesn't have to copy his father.

Actually it sounds like you are making excellent progress. Many children regress or have accidents--that's pretty normal.
Just keep encouraging your son to let you know when he has an "urge", and to try to hold it until he reaches a toilet. And praise him lavishly--make a really big fuss each time he succeeds. Just downplay any lapses or accidents--don't scold or act really upset about them. Positive reward and encouragement will do the trick--given a little bit more time.

I think what he said about the maxi pad was adorable--you have a bright kid It also gave you the chance to say, "I don't want to have an accident. I prefer to use the toilet".
That's the message you are trying to get across to him anyway.
Just have patience. Most children are toilet trained by the time they graduate from high school

They also sell special potty seats--some play music when the child urinates sitting on them--specifically to help with toilet training.. These are designed to give the child positive feedback for using the potty. You might look at those in a store and see if they might be useful.

But I think that time and patience--and lots of praise for each "success"-- will do the trick. It sounds like you are already on the right track.

Thank you for the encouragement I will try to be patient. I do use pull-ups on Xander (the I'm bored post has an X before it that looks like it's on fire) and I give him a sticker whenever he pees in the potty and he gets a little toy (usually some happy meal toy I'd hidden before he could find it)so I guess I am doing it right. BTW Sue943 he'll be three in September.

I have to admit that with my daughter I took the easy option, I was to be going on holiday and leaving my mother to look after the children in my absence, I gave my daughter a couple of months notice, I told her that when her Nanny came to stay she would be transferred to 'big girl knickers'. My mother got off the plane, I whipped off the nappy when we got home - then picked up my suitcase and left my mother to it! When I arrived home it was all over and done with - barring the night time thing which lasted another three months.

Sorry about the spelling mistake.... with my browser it showed the X on the right and Ander under the photo! I just thought you were a fan of the X-Files

if you folks thinks that you have problems with potty training i have 2 grandson ages 6&7 who refuses to be potty trained my daughter has tried everything except taking the pull-ups away completely from them she lets them go to bed in the pull-ups then lets them wear them inthe morning until they get dressed sometimes they are dry and some times they are not i don't know how many times she has been called toschool because they have had an accident now they are to the point that she makes go into the bathroom and clean themselves up and wash out the underwear but this has not been a deterrent i think that this is sheer laziness on their part and some sort of punishiment should be enforced but she's afraid that it will "inhibit" them they don't when they go visiting just at home does anyone have any suggestions on this

shabbychic, I don't think punishment is appropriate in this situation.

If your grandsons are having frequent daytime accidents in school I doubt that "laziness" is the problem. I would think that these accidents would subject them to a certain amount of ridicule and negative comments from their classmates--and most children would try to avoid that, if they could.
Are they reluctant to let the teacher know they need to use the bathroom?

And bedwetting can persist for a variety of reasons--both physical and emotional/behavioral. But, generally, most of these causes would not be under the voluntary control of a 6 or 7 year old. So punishment would only compound whatever problem already exists, and it might well greatly increase the child's sense of shame. and greatly lower his self esteem. Since this is behavior that the child might not be able to control, it is really unfair and counterproductive to institute any form of punishment to deal with the bedwetting.

Has your daughter had your grandsons thoroughly evaluated by their pediatrician--to be sure that the source of their problems--particularly regarding the daytime accidents-- isn't physical?

Bedwetting can also have a genetic component. Is there any family history of bedwetting?

If the pediatrician feels that the childrens' problems are behavioral rather than physical, your daughter should seek the advice of a child psychologist. There are many helpful suggestions such a professional could offer her to help remedy the situation in her particular case. She might even want to speak to the school psychologist--since part of the problem is occuring in school.

Since the problem is manifesting itself in both children, I think that your daughter should seek some professional guidance in how to handle it.

i dont have kids but a thought i had was every time he needs to pee you could keep asking him if hes going to show daddy what a big boy he is now.after a few weeks it might become installed in his mind to be a clever boy for his dad.could also be a few bonus things in that aswell.goodluck....

Sorry G, tried that, didn't work, but it was a good thought.

your welcome.god everyone in here is always serching for answers and most of the time theres plenty around.i dred to think what it is like for new parents.my wife keeps droppin hints...hhheeeelllpppp mmmmmmeeeeeeeeee my time is here..lol

Consistency is the trick !!!!!!!! It is difficult when parents are separated. TRy a sticker chart if your son likes stickers. It worked for my son. Every time he went to the potty he got a sticker, after five stickers, he got a Nestle's Wonder Ball, after 10 he got to rent a video, after 20, he got McDonald's. The chart (I just used a calendar) can transfer to his father's home if he will consent to help. Let your child pick the kind of stickers that he wants. Now we use a sticker chart for other behaviors like going to bed without a fuss. Hope that helps. e-mail me at crtmommy@home.com and let me know how he is doing. By the way, I am also a pre-k teacher.

If he is not into stickers, try some other reward system like a marble jar or something, or penny jar. Every time he goes potty, he puts a penny or marble in the jar. Potty training was difficult with my son, don't let my post kid you. I thought he would be in diapers and the nightime pull up forever. He will be five in August, he's been potty trained for about a year now, but the last part was the hardest. He still does not like to take the time to go number 2 and often holds it as long as he can. Hope this helps ans encourages you.