1. The earth is a round planet where someone is always awake and on-line. This is due to time zones. Some places, especially a place called "Canada", have amusing ones.

2. The most populous, powerful and productive countries on earth are (in descending order) Belgium, Oz, California, UK, Louisiana, Trawna, Tel Aviv, Nova Scotia, British Columbia, South Carolina, Guatemala and the Czech Republic.

3. The one sentiment uniting all humanity is a deep and abiding love of the Professor Frink character on "The Simpsons." (Glavin!)

4. The countries of Nova Scotia, Trawna and British Columbia are united in a sort of loose confederacy known as "up there." The king of the confederacy, Chretien I, talks funny in two languages. The people in the confederacy do not seem to take him very seriously

5. Someone should really do something about boy bands.

6. There is a country called the United States, which is inhabited by two kinds of people: those who hate Britney Spears, and those who don't have computers.

7. There is a tiny principality called France where the people talk something like Celine Dion. France is ruled by Queen Briar, a benevolent and beloved monarch, who, like most famous French people, is not actually French. France is a cultural backwater of Wallonia, which is not to be confused with Wallachia, the ancestral home of Vlad the Impaler/Dracula.

8. The 64/65 NY World's Fair to the contrary, it is not even remotely a "small world after all". It is in fact a rather big and perplexing world, in which many people speak in languages that have entirely too few vowels. However, there is one linguistic constant throughout the world. No matter whether you're in Samarkand, Reykjavik or Potchefstroom, if one earthling utters the word "Mulva", another earthling will immediately reply "Dolores."

9. If you're under 35, the lyrics of pop tunes are really, really, really important.

10. Oz is a sort of paradise where everyone is incredibly friendly and helpful... and/or drunk. Ozites are the last remaining people on earth who like horse racing. They don't take themselves too seriously and love nothing better than a good laugh, often at their own expense. However, they all seem to think that that manic crocodile guy on TV is completely insane.

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Oz is a sort of paradise where everyone is incredibly friendly and helpful... and/or drunk.

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Usually all three, mate, haha

That is hilarious!

You've forgotten one salient point about this place, two naked frogs except for their bow ties and doffing top hats greet you. They even cast shadows. They appear as though they've had a few beers in Oz, then gone to Ireland, then to Belgium, then stopped by the South of France to sleep it off in a hammock. Next stop a big stack of Maple syrup pancakes in Canada and an episode of Red Green, then a hop down the border to the Us of A. They'd feel at home in California where the annual Mark Twain frog jumping competition is held.
No one knows their names, yet some day we'll name them.

If we eat Mars Bars, does it follow that Martians eat Earth Bars?

That everyone is obsessed by a strange yellow family called the Simpson...featuring cousins of the Martians called Rigellians...who are green and scary.

I am Clin-ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.

Silly earthlings... unprepared for the effects of time travel.
Ahahahahahahahahaha.

Yes, if there's one thing that 13 yo kids in California, old guys in NY, and people all over the continent and Asia CAN agree on, it's the subversive genius of the Simpsons.

We have met Homer Simpson and he is us.

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3. The one sentiment uniting all humanity is a deep and abiding love of the Professor Frink character on "The Simpsons." (Glavin!)

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Oyven Glavin!!!

Inhabiting this strange land are people who look like cartoons, and some of them breath fire.
Everyone elses face is small, round and yellow.

Bruyere, could those two frogs possibly be yourself and Copago? By the way if you ever stop by Canada for some pancakes and maple syrup I'll make you my extra special mile high blueberry ones! We won't torture you with an episode of 'Red Green' although we may make to watch 'This Hour has 22 Minutes' or a Celine Dion concert.

Coolupway---you are right on the money. Brilliant!

Sorry BKA, I actually have a fond spot for Harold, the nephew, he's actually quite attractive without his hair slicked back...I like Red too. I come from a family wearing lumberjack shirts and getting into indescribable handyman messes, cutting windows into the supporting walls, holes in the roof, duct taping a gogo, and spray painting vehicles with tiny cans.

But, those frogs look as though they've had something dropped on their heads...and they have no pants!

Hey Heather,

I guess I've never given Red Green a chance.....Steve Smith (Red) used to be in another show with his wife called 'Smith and Smith' and it was, in my humble opinion:), really terrible. Poor singing and even poorer jokes. That fixed me. All I had to do was see Smith in a program and I wouldn't watch it.

I LOVE Red Green!! If you don't like him, blame my liking him on my dad introducing me to the show. I was over visiting one Saturday while Mr Moo was at work, and dad flipped channels so that he could watch it. After a couple times of watching it with him while visiting, I began to see the humor. Especially "I'm a man, and I can change, IF I have to, I guess". That just cracks me up.

Another thing that FT can teach Martians about Earth is that humans can make great friends without ever meeting them in person, via the common bond of being forum junkies