I caught a rat (which my cat chased in) the other night, and thought I'd pass on my (hard-earned) expertise. Below are my 16 tips for a successful rat-catching experience.

1. Put on sturdy shoes and gardening gloves. A supermarket carrier bag is NOT adequate protection.
2. Trap rat in sitting room (it helps at this stage if your wife runs upstairs squealing).
3. Spend 15 minutes trying to find rat without success.
4. Get broom handle and poke about nervously under sofas.
5. Let cat into room (NB. the cat is of no use whatsoever in actually trapping the rat, as it is only interested in playing with the poor creature, but it can at least help track it).
6. Follow cat to relevant nook. Poke in with broom handle.
7. Stagger backwards as rat emerges screaming surprisingly loudly and runs into nook on other side of room.
8. Repeat process for 45 minutes, clattering about like a deranged boar while rat criss-crosses floor repeatedly and cat goes wild with excitement. NB. Do not give in to wife's repeated exhortations to "phone pest control" - your manhood is at stake.
9. On 85th attempt, corner rat and make it run up standard lamp.
10. Discover that rats can leap quite a long way from top of standard lamp towards your face. Dodge.
11. As rat falls, dive to floor and trap it desperately with gardening gloves.
12. Hold rat by tail to stop it attacking your gardening gloves.
13. Realise that you have no trousers on, and therefore will have to either (a) put trousers on while holding live rat or (b) go outside into the freezing cold darkness wearing pyjama bottoms to release rat.
14. Opt for (b).
15. Walk to nearest square and release rat.
16. Return home and chalk one up for testosterone.

Good instructions One point I have particularly learned from reading them is that trousers should be put on first. Easy to say with hindsight though!

Fortunately moles do not require quite the same technique however there are lessons to be learnt.

1 Get Tupperware or similar container

2 Place container on top of mole and slide a stiff piece of card or a lid under the container to enclose said mole

3 Realise that it is late at night and it is very dark out, it is raining and the mole was carried about half a mile and returning it to its home is not really an option

4 The next door neighbours have not exactly been the best of neighbours, they won't allow your tradesmen to step on their land when trying to repair your house, you realise they, unlike you, have a patch of that green stuff called grass in front of their house

5 You slip into their front garden and release mole

6 Several days later you discover that said mole made its way into their back garden then did what moles do best, it dug a tunnel

7 Pay moleman £45 to rid your garden of a mole after the appearance of 25 mole hills

8 Kick the cat next time it brings a mole home!

The above procedure is not the same as one follows to get a rabbit out from behind the bookcase!

Scene: Small cat enters ground floor flat wearing "Ghengis Khan"type moustache which it did not have before. Realise that "moustache" is wriggling violently and is, in fact, a thin but healthy snake, caught in cat's teeth by the middle. Action: scream earpiercingly, whereupon, male human appears, analyses situation in one look, opens front door of flat and entreats cat to leave gift in garden....cat complies, looking somewhat crestfallen at strange attitude to thoughtful gift.

Same as above, Ren, but another precious gift caught for me by my cat was a giant hissing cockroach! She truly did LOVE me!(This is when I lived in the Caribbean)

You can always pop a bowl of popcorn, get a large diet coke, and rent "Mouse Hunt" for some pointers!

Woofi

Picture this ... dog goes screaming past with a still live and kicking lizard in its mouth. Every now and then it will toss the lizard in the air and catch it and then run around again. You scream at the dog to put it down. It looks as if it wants to obey but is having too much fun. As it rushes past you do a flying crash tackle, grabbing the dog and gently pry its mouth open to release the poor lizard who just lays there thinking that if it doesn't move nothing will catch it again. WRONG. The dog slips your grasp and you do the whole thing over again , although this time you have the dog in a headlock as you throw it in the cage usually reserved for sick animals. It gives you filthy looks and you move the lizard as far away from the dog as possible. (it's really weird, the dog just holds the lizard, she never bites into them. I'm sure they are shocked and scared but never obviously physically hurt.)

Only because it's different....my poor deceased cat, Tiger, once deposited a vole on my doorstep! I didn't even know they HAD voles in my neck of the woods! Dead though.

I was just thinking of how Ms Islingtonian must have reacted...a "my hero" must have felt awfully good then!

Well, Chip and Dale entered our humble home, via a chimney flue in our little house in Memphis...my baby was crawling around as usual...and I heard this scittering around..and saw the chipmunk scurrying...I love them, but not in the house...so we had to do what you all did, more or less, escort Mr Chip or Dale out with the broom while sticking the baby into her bed for safety which made her scream as she wanted to see the excitement...and finally we got the poor thing outside...
If only it had been the other type of Chippendale...but then again Mr Bru would have managed well with the broom all alone!

My eldest dog, Wolfgang, (and you wondered where 'woofi' came from?) arrived at my back door with nothing but the tail of a squirrel in his mouth - and I never saw the rest of the squirrel. I will say this, they say cats can be good mousers, but a pair of German Shepherds keep out mice and rats - even the 2-legged rats!

Like my daddy said once after going up and clearing out a water tank for the water supply for our camp...
"hey honey...found a half a squirrel in there...wonder what happened to the other half?"

I am afraid I had to go down the whole rat poison route though I always swore I never would. It is not as though I live in some form of dirty rat infested place. I live in an apartment that is considered to be somwhat of a luxury address because of it's fabulous river views. What one does not consider when one chooses a river view is the fact hat rivers bring river rats. Well one (or more) managed to make it's way into my apartment, and though I always said that I was never afraid of rats, the thought of it wandering around my apartment freaked me out a lot. I never saw it but knew of it's existance because of the rubbish bag that had been dragged 10 feet during the night!!!! That and the teeth marks in my potatoes!! Now I have got a two year old son - at the time he was only about 18 months - and the thought of a rat wandering around was not good. So I went out and researced the most humane form of rat poisoning I could and the problem has never come up again. Sorry if this is slightly off topic (cool has got us all paranoid) but I was actually wondering if it was worth getting one of those ultra-sonic pest controlling devices or are they just a waste of money. I don't like the thought of poisoning a living creature.

I had an exterminator tell me once that the sonic devices do not work at all. Have you thought about having a cat? Perhaps that would at least scare the unwanted rodent into a different apartment.

Talking about rats and such brings up a funny story for me...

Our one dog Kiva had had all of her teeth removed. (Kids in the audience: this is why you brush your teeth. Kiva had had bad gingevitis all of her life and although we did brush her teeth, they all had to eventually be pulled. So brush your teeth at LEAST twice a day!) Anyway, back to the story... So Kiva was out in the front yard one day and happened to find a mouse. Well, being a good dog, she decided she wanted to catch the mouse and bring it to the family as a gift (because you all know that families like dead animals from their pets - it makes the feel good because now they're helping to feed the family). So she goes running around trying to catch the mouse. And you know what? She actually caught the thing. However, Kiva failed to realise that without teeth, the mouse would have an easier time escaping from her mouth. So what does my mom see when she turns to look and see what Kiva is doing? Kiva's trying so hard to keep her mouth shut as tight as possible but every so often a little mouse body part gets shoved out between her lips as it tries to escape!

I think she's also the one that brought half a rabbit into the house while my great-aunt was babysitting me.

hmm...I think we actually have a rat in our house right now. My mom wants me to clean out the cabinet to find the rat. The rat seems to be ripping all the labels off our cans so we have no clue what kind of vegetables we have in that can. So soon we will be having a suprise vegetable at every dinner. This rat has also got a potato and we have found potato peelings on the ground because it seems not to like the skin. We bring the cats in but they are too preoccupied with themselfs to get the rat...We have never actually seen the rat just evidence that it has been around and rat poison seems not to work because we believe it has already ate it and we still see traces of this stupid rat. My mom is going crazy! She will not go into any cabinet and she thinks she hears the rat everywhere and wants me to check it out. She also closes her bedroom door during the day so the rat won't get in but I tell her that the rat can crawl underneath the door and it is probably in her room but she insist that that cannot happen!

Welcome, curiosity, by the way! Write in black felt pen what is in your canned goods! Look for rat "spoor"! Secure your potatos! Cats WILL alert to rats! They can't help themselves! My cat, at the present moment, is suspicious of the sleet hitting the window! It's very boisterous outside! I don't believe he's ever heard ice-rain hitting the window in this manner! He's going nuts!

They say the French make the best rat poison, horrors...I'd never like to have to make that choice...
They have rat traps down in the basement here, in the parking spaces...and my son always teases me about seeing one peeking out. Which is stupid as he was the one who actually found a one meter snake climbing up the wall of the staircase and was mighty scared!

The only thing my mother, the ecologist before it was cool, would do to the snails eating her flowers...was put out beer for them...they'd drink themselves to death and die happy she said.
THen again the French would have eaten them!

What, before the cockroaches?

No, the cockroaches are more a Houston phenomenon. We train them and race them there. We put the rats in racing silks and they serve as the cockroach jockeys.

Well these must be the roaches that check in and can't manage to check out then!
The French translators botched that one up the other day on some series like the Nanny...they used a word for a Roach motel that's the equivalent of a dingy hotel used for rather short stays...we had a good laugh though!

Now I'm eyeing those silly rat traps since we started this...
Islingtonian, you realize that it's all your fault?
First I'm watching out for the mimes, have to cross a zone that's full of them...now the rats...what next?

Quote:

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Picture this ... dog goes screaming past with a still live and kicking lizard in its mouth. Every now and then it will toss the lizard in the air and catch it and then run around again

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Dogs can scream????
Poor lizard
Pets are Threat to wildlife!!!!!!
Did you know you can make mouse traps that don’t kill the poor mouse? Well, you can (I don’t have mice here so I don’t know if they work or not).
Take one of those big plastic bottles... now, cut the top and invert it so that the funnel is going inside (direct the hole towards the top). Now cover the outside of the funnel with some cloth or something so that the mouse can get inside. a Now put some peanut butter or some kind of bait inside and put the whole trap beside wall beside a whole or somewhere you think the mouse will go in.
So… here is how it works. The mouse gets attracted by the smelly peanut butter and goes into the funnel and starts eating the peanut butter. When the mouse finishes, it tries to get out… but wait! It’s too high up!!!... The mouse tries to bite trough the plastic… but wait! Its too smooth!!!. It has to wait until you release it… poor mouse (but at least he doesn’t die!!) You now go and let it far far away where it will not come back (don’t kill it… have pity)

Your not talking about me, right???

Check the date of the last post, then check the date that you registered - why should you think it might be about you?