As an owner of about 30 jumpers with a number 1 on the back, I feel qualified to check this cut and paste for accuracy and I deem it pretty much spot on.

Front Row - Without a doubt the manliest men on the pitch. Large, often hairy, beer swilling carnivores that can and will smash anything in their path. Revelling in the violence inherent in the scrum, they are rarely considered "nice" people, and in fact to some they aren't even considered humans at all. Front rowers far and wide tolerate this attitude because they recognise their role at the top of the food chain and are used to suffering the fools that surround them. Accused by some of simply being dumb, I prefer to think of this group as "open to unconventional ways of thinking".

Locks - Slightly below the front row on the food chain. This group of large, often foul smelling brutes is also more than willing to relish in the finer points of stomping on a fallen opponent's body and will gleefully recount the tale ad infinitum. While they tend to take the often-used title "Powerhouse of the Scrum" a little too seriously, they can be useful if inured with the proper hatred of their fellow man. While members of this proud fraternity like to think of themselves as "open to unconventional ways of thinking", they are usually just dumb.

Back Row - These are fine fit fellows who, like a bunch of hermaphrodites, are confused as to what their role in life should be. While they know they are undeniably linked to the forwards, there are those among them who long for the perfect hair and long flowing gowns that come with being a back. Some relish the forward role and will do anything to win the ball but there are others within this group that will break the prime directive of the forward and do anything to prance foolishly with the ball. Generally, these guys are not all bad, but I personally have to wonder about any forward who brings a hairbrush and a change of clothes to a game.

Scrum half - Some like to think of this back as an honorary forward. I myself tend to think of the #9 as only half a player. While the toughest back almost always fills this position, this idea is almost laughable – kind of like the hottest fat chick. The scrum half's presence is tolerated by the forwards because they know that he will spin the ball to the rest of the girls in the back line who will inevitably knock the ball on and allow them the pleasure of another scrum. The #9 can also take pride in the fact that he is the lowest numbered back and that as such he can be considered almost worthwhile.

Fly Half - Primary role is the leader of the backs - a dubious honour at best. Main responsibilities as far as I can tell is ability to throw the ball over people's heads and to provide something soft for opposing back rowers to land on. Expected to direct the prancing of the rest of the back line - the fly half, like any good Broadway choreographer, is usually gay. While some may argue that these girls must be protected, I find it hard to support anyone whose foot touches a rugby ball on purpose.

Centres - Usually come in two varieties - hard charger or flitting fairy. The hard charger is the one to acquire, as he will announce his presence in a game with the authority rarely found above #8. The flitting fairy is regrettably more common and will usually attempt to avoid contact at all costs. The flitting fairy is also one good smack away from bursting into tears and leaving the pitch to cry on the shoulder of his inevitable girlfriend. Both types will have extensive collections of hair care products in their kit bags and will be among the best dressed at post-game festivities.

Back 3 - While some people refer to this group as two wingers and a fullback, I swear to God I can't make out any difference between them. They are all **** if you ask me. How these three guys can play 80 minutes of RUGBY and stay clean and sweat free is beyond me. I know for a fact that their jerseys sometimes go back in the bag cleaner than when they came out. These ladies are fond of sayings like "Speed Kills" and "Wheels in", how cute. Well, I have a saying too - it's "You're a *******!" These guys will be easy to spot after the game because they are the finely coiffed sweater wearing, wine sipping, sweet talking *****’s in the corner avoiding the beer-swilling curs at the bar. On the whole, I really don't mind this group because in the end, they are at least better than League players.

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Back 3 - Well, I have a saying too - it's "You're a *******!"

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I don't know much about this game that's played by blokes with odd-shaped balls, but would you really say that to Jonah Lomu?

As an Honorary Forward (No9) in my youth can I just point out that the front row haven't a clue what's going on in a scrum until the s/h tells them (and we can be wicked and let the 1,2,3,4,5,6, finish before putting the ball in ;-)). We the No9's try to be first to the ball at any position on the field (albeit just behind the action! no fools!) Bertho - I'm looking forward to our (England) visit to Australia pre-World Cup """""Friendly"""""Games - The England Backs number from 15 to 1 and the forwards number 1 to 15. Gone are the days when the Full Back wimped out on a tackle on a No.8. By the way forgot to mention Englands next game is against the Barbarians. so the build up "friendlies" are Barbarians, Australia, New Zealand, USA, Wales, France. France wonder who they think are the threat in the World Cup?