A colleague of mine has recently left for a six month walkabout in Australia. Before she went we were winding her up about all the evil Aussie wild life that would be ‘out to get’ her; box jellies, spiders, snakes, sharks, the usual suspects. We threw in the drop bears on principal. Another colleague looked up a website accredited to the Beeb in the hope of finding some more killer wildlife, to his amazement he found Wombats!

It said that wombats were the third most embarrassing way to die in Australia. You should never put your hand in a wombat hole because if you touch the wombat on its back it will think that its burrow is collapsing. It will force its back against the roof of its burrow and spread its legs to hold it up. If it catches your hand it will crush it and the more you move your hand the harder it will push. People caught in this situation can bleed to death.

I initially thought this was a joke, the web page was written in a very humours way. Now I am not sure, all the other animals are real and I know about them neither does it mention drop bears.

So my questions:

1) Is this true about Wombats?
2) What are the two most embarrassing was to die in Australia.

I know you don't want to hit a wombat in a car - they're such dense (in mind and body ) animals that they can flip a car.

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evil Aussie wild life that would be ‘out to get’ her

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psst, you forgot about the men.


Embarrasing ways to die ... hmmm, will have to think about that one.

Am I growing senile? Has this been moved from 'I need an answer' or did I just post it to the wrong place?

I moved it - thought it a more discussiony type topic than just a straight 'here is my question, gimme the answer' one. Left a pointer over there so people will get to it here.

OK no problem, I just thought I was cracking up there.

Perhaps you still are? Don't let me stand in your way.

Pants over head, pencils up the nostrils: wibble, wibble, wibble!

Is there a doctor in the house?

Tielhard,

You forgot about hoop-snakes, and funnel-backed spiders. I have heard that story about wombats, but have never ever heard of anyone dying from being crushed- I think someone is having a gentle legpull

Perhaps you should also warn your friend about bunyips and yowies, and to definitely steer clear of the Min-Min Lights! Did you know that platypuses are poisonous, and that echidnas are very adept at throwing their spines like spears? (OK, only one of the previous statements are correct, but which one? )

Perhaps the most embarrassing way to die is the same in Australia as it is anywhere else in the world:

Get hit by a bus. (Not embarrassing in itself, I know.) Get taken to hospital. Have the medical staff see that you are not wearing clean underwear. (I don't know if I'd be able to keep my underwear clean if I saw a bus coming for me, but that's probably something for a different forum!)

I recognized the quote as something I'd received in my email long ago. It's a pretty funny article, often attributed to Douglas Adams, but this site, which has the essay, says otherwise.

Yes, it appears a wombat could indeed crush your hand, although perhaps not because it believes its burrow is collapsing-- I reckon it would dig in that case. "Its back is hard and bony. This bony back is a useful defence against intruders in the burrow, as the wombat uses its back to crush them against the burrow wall." Cite.

"Wombats are nocturnal animals and have very poor eyesight. They are perceived as a slow animal and not very dangerous. This however is very wrong as they can cause a nasty bite and are capable of running at a speed of up to 40 klms per hour. If you find one in a burrow, it is wise to leave it undisturbed. Prevent your dogs from going down the burrow as the dog will often come off worse for wear, or may even be killed, as the wombat will crush the dog to the roof of the burrow as a form of self defense." Cite.

As for ways to die in Australia, having your hand crushed in a wombat burrow is indeed the third most embarassing. Unfortunately, Jim was mistaken. Australia has several ways to die that are more embarassing than a bus accident while wearing the wrong undergarment.

The 10 Most Embarassing Ways to Die in Australia

1. Kicked to death by Dame Edna in pub brawl.
2. Alcohol poisoning-- but only if brought on by light beer. Normal cases of alcohol poisoning get a free burial.
3. Hand crushed in wombat burrow.
4. Heart attack due to yelling at the footy on the tellie.
5. 'Roo stampede.
6. Bus accident while wearing inappropiately dirty and/or frilly undies.
7. Losing a knife-fight with a pom.
8. Losing a gun-fight with a seppo.
9. Bursting a blood-vessel trying to hit high notes in an ABBA tune.
10. Magpie attack.

I didn't just make that up. It's from a 1987 poll. Cite.

Thank you for all that information on Wombats and Aussie embarrassment ironikinit. It has unquestionably answered my second question. I am still chuckling at the idea that being “Kicked to death by Dame Edna in pub brawl” is the most embarrassing way to die in Australia.

On the other hand I am still not absolutely convinced about question 1. I have read the article a couple of times and it is written in just such a way that it may be true or it may be a whole cart load. So perhaps I should rephrase my question: has anyone died sticking their hand down a wombat burrow?

Well they wouldn't be able to tell you if they had.

And, what with it being so embarrassing, they probably wouldn't tell you even if they could!

So how long has Dame Edna been around for? Seems like (s)he's always been there for as long as I can remember! But the Dame's pretty well built - I wouldn't mess with her!

As the link didn't work - what or who (without being rude) is a Seppo (obviously as listed it's slightly better than a Pom! )

A seppo is an American. The derivation, as I understand it (and I could easily be wrong, since I'm an American) is from septic tanks (rhymes with "yanks").

Spot on, Ironiknit- one of our more creative contractions, I feel.

I once worked with a Dutch guy who’s first name was Seppo, he never used to appreciate remarks about septic tanks, completely lost his sense of humour.

I am to believe the origins of 'seppo' came from the U.S.'s occupation of Australia during WWII. It's the want of all Australians not to let their quarry know if you a paying them a compliment or an insult. Rhyming slang is one such method. Yank/septic tank/ shortened to seppo. Charming.

I've never for a second thought of 'seppo' as an insult, rather a generalisation, or to push the meaning, a term of endearment. God love the bloody seppo’s!

Edit to answer Fosse:

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(without being rude) is a Seppo (obviously as listed it's slightly better than a Pom! )

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I'd say on par Fosse. I could even extend pom into 'pommy bastard' or even 'whinging pommy bastard,' but it still wouldn't deter from the word 'pom'. A pom is an Englishman, pure and simple; the added words are for effect only, perhaps to make a sentence more authoritive. Pom and seppo are both just alternatives for Englishmen and American, neither are intended as derogatory.

Yeees... but as yet I've never been called a seppo to my face.

I've never actually heard that term before in my life...but then I don't know a lot of yanks...

You might actually want to be careful using "yank". People from the southern US might think you're calling them a Yankee, which they could find highly offencive. No joke. The American Civil War isn't over for some people.

I actually found that out the hard way when recently befriending a boy from Georigia

Yep, been one, am one, been called one. Lots and lots of times.

And I'll just add (and this is a true story it happened to a friend of a friend of mine) that if you see a wombat making a break for it's hole and you stand in front of the entrance to see what the wombat will do, he will run straight through you. In the case that was related to me the gentleman in question had got on the outside of several cans of amber liquid before hand and so the broken leg wasn't as painful as it could have been.

cheers
the seppo