Some of the latest patents to come out of Scientific American magazine are:

- Using Limeade to alleviate chest pains such as angina pectoris.

- Developing a process to make human ovulation/menstrual cycles closer to the lunar cycle of 29.5 days. This would be done by simulating moonlight with nocturnal light exposures [with a 100-watt lightbulb].

- A talking moving dieter's plate. Sorry, there was no way I could abbreviate this

"This invention provides a plate and scale combination with a pre-programmed repertoire of statements which can be made by the device depending on the stimulus. The apparatus can be programmed to encourage dieters not to place excessive meal portions on the plate or, alternatively, it can be programmed to encourage persons battling anorexia to have normal sized meals rather than meals which are too small.... The invention might roll away from the dieter, or a lid might close, denying access to the food. The invention might tremble in 'anxiety' over the amount of food being measured or the invention might even be able to flush the food into itself if too great a portion is measured."

And this one which I am at a total loss to understand
"Apparatus and method for detecting and identifying organisms, especially pathogens, using the aura signature of the organism."

Gawd! Speak English man.