Following the success in the UK of water meters, parking meters and congestion charging, I have become the first person to be fitted with an experimental consciousness meter. This, if successful, will go national within 5 years once the hardware is tested and in place.
A tiny chip implanted in the brain will transmit 24 hours a day my state of consciousness, which will then be billed per unit on a monthly basis. The standard rate will be for normal waking consciousness, with no charge for deep sleep, but half rate for rem/dreaming sleep, rising to 75% for lucid dreaming. A 50% additional premium will also be charged for any higher states of consciousness.

The idea was originally developed on the advice of the Mayor of London, Mr Ken Livingstone, the pioneer of the traffic congestion charge, who said 'This was the obvious next step. People have taken their consciousness for granted for too long now, and need to be made to appreciate the restricted supply and overuse of this asset, and if as successful as the congestion charge could reduce average levels of consciousness by 50%.'

Despite the fact that soon after this statement Mr Livingstone was admitted to a secure unit as a voluntary patient, both the Prime minister Mr Tony Blair, along with Mr Jaques Chirac of France and Mr Romano Prodi of Italy have expressed a great interest in this idea, and the European Commission now say if effective they hope to have the system up and running across the EU within 15 years.