This came up in conversation yesterday, and it seems to follow a national pattern. My only valid experience is here in England (as Wales and Scotland are outside my knowledge as well), and that seems to have around a 99% rule that it's the man who asks the woman out. Certainly it's about the percentage that's happened to me, and when I've asked women why most appear to have been taught by their so-called 'elders and betters' that it's only one step removed from prostitution and they should rather wait till someone they like approaches them or they're 'not a lady'.

I do know from the chatroom that this isn't nearly so exclusive across the Atlantic, and my final observation yesterday was that we had Queen Victoria, and her influence over most of the 1800s and very beginning of the last century is still so engrained in the country that we're really living in a modern version of 'Pride and Prejudice'. Has the rest of the world run ahead or is it just my view that the grass must be greener, and why do you think women should or shouldn't make the first move? Believe me, if you're a British woman I've been no less nervous or prepared on my last attempt than I was on my first. It's a dang hard job and few men either like it or are very good at it. One friend of mine actually managed (he says) never to do it, relying on a few women, including his now wife, who is not English, to do the work for him as he was (which is definitely true) terrified of rejection. He was at the extreme, but only represents a magnified version of how all men feel in having to be the 'hunters' all the time, besides the few who have learnt the knack.

I wish!

It takes time to get to know someone of the opposite gender. There is really no shortcut to casual conversation, finding out what she likes and dislikes, feeling relaxed and comfortable in her presence.
It takes an investment in time before asking for a first date, especially in these early years of the 21st Century when everything is done NOW!
Be relaxed; if she is as remotely interested in you as you are in her, a first date can be a natural progression in your relationship and an enjoyable time.
She may very well ask first.

This site tells a little about ladies proposing to gentlemen. Basically, it discusses the belief that ladies can "pop the question" to men on February 29th.

Well, maybe we US midwestern women are a bunch of harlots, or maybe we're just used to having a big chunk of the "man's work" to do ourselves, (you know, pioneer women and all that) but I don't think there's much of an issue with women asking men out here. I'm sure probably most of the time it's the men who do the asking, but that "most of the time" is by a slim margin. It may be different in other parts of the state. I live in a university town. But in any case, even if the men are statistically more likely to do the asking, I know for certain that women aren't looked down on if they take it upon themselves. And I think in my personal history, I've probably done as much asking as I have been asked.

As far as marriage proposals, we're pretty traditional, and the men usually do the asking, if asking is neccessary. My now husband and I just sort of mutually decided we'd be getting married. One day we started talking about when we had kids, and that was that. Neither one of us asked the other.

I was the one to ask Mr. Indie out. Of course, I've never really followed traditions much. After a while, the whole "getting to know you" thing was going well and I figured what have I got to lose?

Like Lothruin and her husband, we sort of mutually agreed to get married. There was no proposal or anything like that.

I don't think I could propose to a man. Hopefully, I'll never be in a position where I have to test that theory.

I was single for many years after my divorce, and I don't recall ever asking a man out on a date during that time. I have mentioned before that I was always shy so I let the men do the asking. My husband now asked me out for our first date, but I was the one who proposed marriage to him.

Fjohn, I was mainly referring to situations where you didn't know a woman very well, but may only see them for a short time or occasionally, or just have the one opportunity at a party or similar, where the whole onus here is on the man to start the conversation, and then, if it goes well, suggest a date or ask for a phone number. I hope if you'd already formed a friendship it shouldn't be nearly so hard. I haven't got a specific target I was aiming at at the moment though

Funnily enough, proposals here have become far more equal over the years. I regularly hear of women proposing to men, as once they're already that close women often don't want to wait and prefer to direct the proceedings at their own pace. In my case, the suggestions of marriage have been a few on either side (none were fulfilled though...) but the women concerned concealed their proposals in hints about marriage, and 'If you asked me to marry you I'd accept'. One asked me right out to move in with her as she doesn't believe in marriage, but if she had she would have asked as well. The only partial success, for those who may be curious, was the one who gave the indirect opportunity for me to propose directly. The other few women who had mentioned it sent me running at the thought (as did every woman I suggested it to) but as I didn't I spent a few days considering it as I wasn't sure. Something (no idea what, looking back 7 years, besides optimism) made me accept/propose, and she of course accepted. The fly in the ointment was she lived 200 miles away, and I only saw her for a day or two every few months up till then. She phoned a few days later to tell me she'd changed her mind, and on reflection it was a narrow escape. We did spend a couple of weeks together to try it out and I realised what I'd been saved from. Don't ask...

I suppose I'm an old fashioned girl...I could never walk up to a guy and ask him out. I can't possibly imagine proposing to one, either. A friend of mine told me once that he's had girls come up to him and just give him their number. I don't particularly approve of that. (Although, that could be why I'm still single at 23.)

I guess it's in your disposition and your attitude about it. Because I'm not only old fashioned but also very SHY...I just don't have the guts to do it. But, maybe I should try.

Hi satguru! This is a great post! It brought back the stress and fear of rejection I used to feel at the prospect of asking a girl out on a date. The dating game was so much more structured back then; dating etiquette had to be followed. The thought of a girl asking a guy out was greeted with horror, raised eyebrows and the word '[censored]' whispered.

Today, I think things are much more relaxed and guys and girls can think of each other as friends before they are considered dating material. Plus, they tend to travel in packs, with males and females as a group going to the mall, a concert, etc. It seems to be more informal and unstructured thus making it acceptable for a girl to pursue a guy. This informality also makes it easier for the guy to say, "Not interested."

There's an interesting point in there somewhere. You know, even fairly recently most women lived with their parents until they were wed. That still happens quite a lot, though I think it is MUCH less common. But there's a benefit to women being the ones who take charge of meetings and what not. I'm not sure I really approve of a woman just walking up to a man she doesn't know and offering her number, as much out of safety as propriety. But a woman who is in control can choose the pace at which she allows men to know how to contact her (whereas it wasn't so much a concern in times when the woman's father would be waiting for whatever hapless male wandered to her home), without outright rejecting a man's offer for further contact. I have no idea if that made sense...

I've been with my current boyfriend for over 9 months, but neither of us ever actually asked the other out. We were friends first and it kind of progressed from there. I was the one who made the first move though... I got drunk and kissed him. We've been together ever since!