Well said, Ren. FunTrivia would not be the same for me, Gats, if you weren't here.

Couldn't agree more

[First off, let me say that meeting someone on a dating site initially and then meeting in person very soon afterwards is, at least to me, not an internet relationship. It's a relationship that is no different from those started through a personal ad or a dating agency. An internet relationship to me is a relationship where the face-to-face meeting has yet to take place.]


I think internet relationships can definitely work, just as much as offline relationships can work. It just depends on the two people involved. When you meet someone in a pub, you get to know their outside first, and their inside later. When you meet someone online it's the other way around. To me that's the main difference between online and offline relationships.
There are many people online that wouldn't know how to be honest if their life depended on it and it's not always easy to see through that. But those people do not only exist online. You could run into them in the pub as well.

I have an internet relationship with someone that I met through FT, but to me it's just as normal a relationship as any other. Okay, we're 16,000 km apart and timezones can be a real pain, but he is a part of my everyday life. If I've had a crappy day at work, if I've just won the lotto, if I just need someone to talk to or if I just want to hear his voice - in short: if I need him - he's only one phone call away. Granted, I can't get a hug, but he's there for me in all other ways.

Would I rather have a relationship with someone living around the corner, someone I could touch every day? It would definitely make life easier, true, but that's not how love works. You can't choose who you fall in love with and if that person happens to live on the other side of the world, then so be it. I wouldn't want to trade my Aussie for anybody, no matter where they're from.

Fingers crossed for the pair of you, I sincerely hope you continue to be happy.

Thanks, Sue.

Very well said, Leau! As always, you nailed it straightaway. The differences about "meeting people" are complicated no matter how it happens. Dreadful if I met someone at a pub and it turned out she would only sleep on the right side of the bed (*hey, that's MY side!*) or didn't like Vivaldi or hangs dripping panty hose on the shower rod or had a tiny flatulence problem at 3AM. Those are things you don't know until you know. This online thing gets rid of most of that discovery. And that's good because it all should be generally expected anyway in real life (just wait if someone saw me going into a sweathog frenzy ironing my blue jeans - but I do that sometimes). Here none of us fart, snore or iron. But we have the chance to see beyond that and we know that. Being hugged (or maybe not being) is important [and I miss it] but being understood is better, if you ask me. I also like that I don't have to wash my hair when I post online. So maybe I look a little like Spongebob Squarepants (I might at the present time; but no one knows). It's a lot easier here sometimes and, believe me, it shocks me to say that.

I've got this guy in my den. His name is Frank. He hangs there to remind me that meeting people/person online is not just lucky and blissful but also "Frank"-ly paradise. As much as it can be. [Yeah, I know, nobody but one will know who Frank is].

Best wishes to you and that fellow of yours, Leau. You and I both know he's the right guy for you. Cool thing is, he knows it too.

Though only half a year has elapsed since my last observations, more has happened here among others that has made me think that there is something special about many members here that lends itself quite naturally to forming relationships. One by one members have told of their FT relationships, and I'm certain that were it possible, as others have said as well, for us all to be in the same area for a few months nearly every single member would pair off, because we've all got a lot in common. To illustrate my point from here, I wait years before I meet new people I consider close enough to become friends in London, here it literally can happen every few days. Though it covers both sexes, some women who are single, some not, but all are good friends. That to me is the basis of a proper relationship, and it's clear the potential is there not just for me but all the singles here.

I'd still say that there has to be a 'mystery' element that can't be tested clearly by not meeting people directly, and though a friendship can easily established online that still works in person, the 'X factor' that converts that into a relationship can only for me be confirmed for certain in person. The three minute speed dating has been honed and tuned by the organisers to be the average time it takes to assess someone face to face as a potential partner. When I was 15 and had little experience this would have usually taken me a few weeks, but for hardened singles as I am now, and many of the others who go, we have learnt enough to spot at least the chances of success in a few minutes, but this would take me much longer online and as some of the stories have confirmed, people can act very different from their telephone and email personality. I even had friends across the country who could write amazing letters but had little personality face to face, and a few with a lot of personality but could hardly put together a sentence in writing.
So, in case anyone thinks I'm 'flip-flopping', I haven't shifted my 'better to fill in the missing bit face to face to be sure', but the chances it will work are greatly enhanced by being part of a group of such similar people, ie all interested in trivia, curiosity, sharing and a level of intelligence probably equal to that of Mensa (I'm not myself, but I know here many who are). I'm not really cynical

Oh yes, face to face is perfect but when you are 10,000 miles away, it's kinda difficult but a webcam brings together a whole new dimension. The letters, phone conversations all seem so different (in a good way) once you can visualise the other person and their mannerisms.

The ability to see their personality come to life brings a certain ooomph to the conversations that really makes a difference. Photos are lovely, but to see them on the webcam is like they are sitting a foot in front of you, and you can really see the sparkle in their eyes, close up.

Edited to add: Same here Leau, you wouldn't trade your Aussie, just like I wouldn't trade my redneck.*

...And I can't seem to get over this Ohio bookstore manager habit either, Peasy. What can be done about folks like us? It's hopeless.

I do wish people wouldn't change the topic title on threads. I am changing this one back to the original title.

I agree - the title should let you know what the topic is about so that you know if you want to read it, and the changed title of this thread didn't do that.

I agree - thanks for changing it back Sue. I find it confusing when I go to what I think is a new thread and find that it isn't one. It also makes it hard if you are looking for a thread under the old title.

Here's a spin on this: how is the right way to end one? We all mostly agreed on how they start but how do they stop? The understandability is so odd, to me, to start with. The end is even more outrageous. I got nicely smacked on this one - looking for no apologies from anybody. Do you still get to be friends, though?

well anyone who is involved in one of them good luck to them, each to their own.

I wouldn't get involved in an Internet relationship for one reason you only know as much about a person on the internet as they want you to know, They can make themselves out to be superman or the nicest or hottest guy on the planet and you'd believe them because you wouldn't have a choice you either take their word for it or you don't. A web cam is different though it can either be the real person you are looking at or one of their friends. I've heard of long distance relationships but come on 10,000 miles, don't know what that is but don't think it can be called a relationship although I do know a woman down the road, she met the guy she's married to on the Internet and they lived far apart. He's a little quiet and secretive but he's ok to get along with.

I'm still the firmest advocate against Internet relationships, and I'm now in the middle of one of the most intense relationships I've ever been in. Granted, I did meet the lady when we were living in the same place, but I moved back to Toronto only 2 weeks later. So I got to know her for a grand total of 13 days (anybody superstitious?). Since the feelings between us were so intense, we've continued the relationship over the Internet, two e-mails a day, one or two snail mails a week, MSN Messenger whenever we can, and a lot of faith in the relationship and in us.

I just hope all of you advocates for the long-distance relationships are correct, and the distance will not drive a wedge between us, but I do have many serious doubts.

There's still nothing that can replace the feeling of warmth and happiness I felt when she held me in her arms, and the intense emotion that I felt every time I kissed her. Nothing. And sometimes I really need a hug. My heart has been torn apart, and I hope it doesn't mend with my lady on the outside of it. Right now, we're still going strong, but I hope time won't let it fade, as I fear it will. A webcam never does justice, and its just not the same. It teases - you can see the one you love, but cannot touch. The pain is just more intense.

And if it does break off, what will become of us? I suppose its hard to go back to being friends, similar to face-to-face relationships. One who knows me so well and so intimately, its hard to take a step back and become 'just friends'.

Just a few thoughts...

Leo, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you and your girl. It can work, have faith.

Leo, I really tend to think that even though time passes for the two of you and for some reason you lose touch...if you have a real chemistry [although I don't want to use that old hackneyed term] it will still be there later when you do meet up again. Some things never change.The same can be said about old friends. Once you really connect -I believe it's there for good. But again, this is only based on my own experiences.

I agree whole heartedly with Ktstew, Leo. I'm roughly 3000 km away from the man I love, and although it can be so hard on those days when you really need a hug, I can tell you from experience that it can work and that it will work for you if you're both determined to make it work. I know that it's a special kind of hell to have to live day to day, counting down the weeks/days/hours/moments until you see eachother again face to face, but it's that kind of adversity that helps to really bond two people together. I hope for the best for the two of you and so long as you're confident in her feelings for you as much as you trust in your feelings for her, there's no reason why you two won't withstand the test of time. Good luck.

Leau has a good point. No matter where or how you meet someone, he/she can tell you anything. I've talked to men in pubs who have told me things I could see straight through for the lies they were. This was sitting face to face, not with miles between us and not being able to see through computer screens.

If two people are meant to be, the relationship will work, no matter how you meet. The way I see it, when you meet online, you have nothing to do but talk. If you go on a date with someone from your hometown area, the film you see or whatever you do for the date is a distraction. By being able to do nothing but talk, you are able to find out more about each other. I knew more about SG before meeting face to face than I know about some people I have known my whole life. By the time we met, we knew the good, the bad and the ugly about each other's pasts, what each other's future dreams were, etc. We've been married 8 months now. I feel each person had his or her perfect someone out there. The internet has opened up new opportunities for us to find each other.

Jeesh. I mostly disagree, Moo. Let's talk about two years from now! Flashes fade, unless you have the capacity to deal with the whole thing. OK, good. You two hooked up. I'm glad for you both. But it's very baffling, with online stuff, to know what you want someone to be and what they are. The difference there is huge. But I'm just being grouchy. Don't mind me...

Lol, well, grouchy or not, Gats, you still make a good point. With online things there're bound to be preconceptions and ideal mental pictures, and occasionally, what you thought you really wanted, doesn't necessarily turn out to be that. Online, people tend to be guarded, as opposed to completely open, and if that requires lying to be accepted or liked or to fit some "requirement" a person may have pointed out, then it's easy to just say it's so rather than say it ain't so. Occasionally, two people hook up who are entirely honest with eachother and by fluke (or chance or destiny, whatever you want to call it) they meet every single (or almost every, I mean who's perfect, really?) standard each person has. This is rare. Most of the time internet relationships just fizzle out because people lose interest or they just, like you said, realize the person isn't as great as they originally thought, or something in the real, tangible world comes around. I'd say if people use the internet specifically to find love, it'll probably be harder to find than if the internet is used more as a vessel to meet people and make friends. Perhaps something will evolve from an internet friendship, and by then, there probably isn't anything left to lie about. From my experience, internet friendships usually last much longer than internet relationships, take a look around here, for example. And they're also much more genuine.

I guess my being ill spins it all wrong for me. I don't have a lot of time so time spent is valuable. I love my internet relationship. I love her enough to know how horrible it will be for her to bury me (or whatever) just too soon. We talk about that, we really do. But we know, both of us, when that time comes she won't be here to send me off. Being sick makes everything a mess. And no internet relationship can see me REALLY being that. Ugly, mostly. And we do hopefulness and all on here. At least we should.