No, back in one of the earlier posts, I mentioned my first crush in high school: Rachel had the looks as well as the smarts, and I pursued her all the way through junior college, but to no avail - and it set the tone for all of the rejections since then: you're nice, but there's always someone else!

What can I say? Other than it's now heading for 3am and I'm using the excuse that if I weren't so tired I would know exactly the right thing to say!

Well, Robertm. Have you ever tried one of those nuclear, 1000% guaranteed dating sites where they do everything but test your DNA and take blood to insure a match? I hear they are very successful. Maybe. Worth a look?

For me the key was not looking for anyone. We started talking through a mutual online friend, and sparks started flying. Neither of us were looking for anyone at the time. Sometimes, a person can put too much energy and effort into trying to find someone. It has to happen naturally, whether it is in person, online as friends, or through an online matching service.

I think Moo is correct. As I stated earlier [ and as lots of us have talked about before around here] it's possible to seem entirely too needy - completely either driving someone away or, while looking through desperation colored glasses, hook up with some deranged cat killer.

But still. I guess it doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open. What are your hobbies? If you have distinct interests, this can be at least a start, especially if those interests tend to be on the eclectic side, like, say, Chinese ink block or a desire to tour every Civil War battlefield in existence. Think it over...there have to be clubs in your area which might be good places to test the water.

Robertm, I for one would like to see a new thread on your (and my) situation. I haven't had the same experience as you exactly, but the identical outcome. I've always been pretty good at attracting women, but one way or another the ones I really liked didn't stay around long and the end result is the same, we're both alone, and I've got two years on you as well.
I met my last girlfriend on the internet, but on a local site rather than in another country (my main problem with such relationships), also on a free trial, and though it started well her own personal problems meant everything began to fall apart until it became a disaster. I thought it may be the one to work after so many years, but though she still wanted me, her circumstances changed so much it was not the same as I thought when we first met. So, back to square one. And the handful I've met this year or so have been the most weird and wonderful bunch ever (including another from the internet, who won the world's biggest misery prize). Despite some having faults I would have avoided in the past, my patience has grown with time but not one of the list wanted me regardless. Whether curses really work is a mystery to me, but there are some similarities in our stories, and others I hear from time to time. And with some of the no-marks and dead-legs (some wonderful British 'underworld' expressions) who do end up happily taken, I'm sure it's not all our own faults.

What if we made a list of attributes that are a real turn off in a ' date'?
To start I will put a few.
Personal non-freshness , including bad breath.
Not listening , only waiting to say your bit.
Exaggerating, bragging and general bending of the truth.
Hypocrisy.

- Negative attitude
- I'm in this to get laid, if you don't qualify, you're not worth spending any time or attention on
or
- I'm in this to find a girlfriend, if you don't qualify, you're not worth spending any time or attention on


It seems to me, you find a girl/boy friend on the internet the same way you do in other parts of your life . That is, pursuing your interests, following your passions, and enjoying your friends.
Although it is obviously not impossible to find a mate through a singles site, or through a singles bar, the only thing you are sure to have in common with people you meet there is that you are single. Whereas, if you meet people at an anti globablization rally, or through writing quizzes on Chinese history, you know that you share at least one passion. Better foundation for a relationship, it seems to me.
When you have a real social life, you meet people. A real social life is one based on spending time with people whom you like, or who interest you, or whom you have social obligations towards. This last category includes grandparents, old English teachers who don't get out much any more, neighbours, etc. These people are very good at rewarding your kindness and attention by making sure you get opportunities to meet sons of their friends, and other nice people.

An attractive man is one who is living a life he loves, with passion and zest. An attractive woman is one who approaches the men she meets as human beings, rather than measuring them against some internal yardstick of mate suitablity. There is nothing less endearing than being compared to a long gone girlfriend, especially when the standard of comparison is more fantasy than reality.

Things not to say on a first [ or any other date]...

"Sooo - tell me about your sister..."

"Excuse me a minute. I have to check in with my parole officer."

"I bet you didn't know I raise supposedly eradicated bacteria as a hobby..."

"Say - let's take in that new Cave Sluts In Las Vegas sequel that just opened. I hear it's great!"

"Excuse me a minute...I promised my mother I'd give her a call after we arrived at the restaurant."

" Wanna see some pictures of my ex -girlfriend? You two look alot alike!"

And from Woody Allen- "Oh boy - I was so excited about our date that today I brushed all my teeth!"