Dear Santa:
First of, thank you for the early stop. Loved the cookies and the two blankets and the calendar and the banana bread and the French treats and that huge plate of home-cooked food (OK, that was from Mr. & Mrs. Lawn Guy but I figure you, St. Nick, make people like those possible). I asked for a new toilet but I understand weight limitations on your vehicle and that you're not a plumber. Oh, well. It didn't hurt to ask...maybe next time. One little complaint, oh jolly fellow --- as you skedaddled up my chimney you inadvertantly took my gold membership star with you. Please be a chump and drop it off to a deserving chap or chap-ette, OK. In the meantime I'll catch up on all these pop-ups! Yikes, without them I'd forgotten just how many peculiar adventures exist out there in the world.
Drive carefully, my friend. Stop back when your task is ended and I'll have a cold beer ready for you.
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"The best teacher is not the one who knows most but the one who is most capable of reducing knowledge to that simple compound of the obvious and wonderful." ... H. L. Mencken