With the possibility of a Controversial Issues-like section contemplated for FunTrivia, maybe we can get a head-start on our reactions to like topics.

This test should help you to 'know thyself' where your reaction to controversy is concerned.

http://www.queendom.com/tests/minitests/fx/grudge.html

Obviously this is for entertainment purposes only.

My score? 65/100
I lie somewhere in the middle on the forgiveness spectrum. While I wouldn't forgive serious offenses at the drop of a feeble "sorry", I also don't hold hard-core grudges for the occasional slip-up. I realize that human beings are not perfect and that everyone, myself included, needs a little leeway now and then. As a result of this knowledge, I am able to let go of past hurts when I feel the guilty party has earned my pardon (through heart-felt apologies or, ok, maybe a little sucking up). In fact, I probably realize that holding grudges can often hurt the grudge-holder as much (or more) than the guilty party - and who wants to become a bitter, angry person? So I'd rather avoid carrying all that emotional baggage and forgive, as much for my own sake as the others. This, however, doesn't mean that I am a pushover; I just know when to draw the line. And people surely respect me for it.

I got a 45/100 which puts me in that 'middle' range, too. It's probably accurate - I'm so moderate usually it irritates even me.
I would let the sloppy visitor come back, too. No wonder I spent two decades running with pigs ...

I scored a 35, which has almost the same indications as vendome's analysis. [ ?] I feel it's pretty accurate. Had I taken the test ten years ago, I would have scored far more in the red, I'm afraid. Guess that's what a little age and taking a few really hard knocks will do for a person's forgiveness quotient.

What a lovely gang you all are! I am the grudge queen apparently - 80/100, in the high range .

10. Lunch in the fridge at work, almost made me

20 - after last year, life is too short to bear grudges. couldn't forgive anyone killing my children though, there are limits.

I would let the messy visitor back BUT would tell her/him that he would need to give a hand. Mind you, I am so messy myself that they probably wouldn't want to come back. Many years ago my ex's best friend and his wife came to stay, they were messy and went out every day without asking if I would like to go with them, just left me to vacuum up all the talc from the bedroom carpet, to shop and cook for them. The next year they wanted to come back and I was pregnant, they were told they could come but would need to give me a hand with chores, they didn't come!

Don't be too hard on yourself, Copago. If they had asked me certain other questions -maybe I wouldn't have seemed so benevolent. It's all in the subject matter, if I am to be completely honest.

I got 45. Oddly enough, it's the serious things I can forgive, but not the others. Or, to put it another and more accurate way - I would forgive the visitor who messed my house, still be friends, and have a relationship with that person. I just wouldn't let her stay at my house.
The way most of the questions were worded, there was no distinction between forgiving, and allowing yourself to be wounded a second time. These are very different things, in my mind.

I scored 35 as well. It seems like a fair score. For the most part, I don't take life too seriously, so I don't see any point in bearing grudges. But I won't compromise on things that matter to me.

I scored 65, which surprised me, because I don't think of myself as someone who holds a grudge.
I found some of those questions odd. Like the one about messy visitors, that's not holding a grudge - that's avoiding being treated like someone's servant, which is not the same thing at all as far as I'm concerned.
I have to agree with agony's distinction about forgiving and opening yourself up to a second injury.
It's funny that we're talking about this now though. My in-laws were here for a family birthday yesterday, and it was so much work that it will be a while until they're back. This was not something we initiated either, they asked if it could be here.
The first time they asked I made it very clear that I would be happy to let it be at my house, but that we didn't want to be stuck doing all the preparation and clean-up. When it's at anyone else's house both my husband and I roll our sleeves up and pitch in.
My mother-in-law said that since we are really the only ones who have a big enough place to accomodate everyone anymore, we should really have more and more of the family get-togethers here.
The first time went well, so when she asked to do it here again I said sure. There was not a lot of help offered and I was exhausted and angry by the time they left, and didn't care who saw. My mother-in-law actually had the gall to send me an email thanking me for the evening, as if it had been my idea to invite them all, instead of her asking if they could come.
Now, the fact that I won't have it here again could be construed as holding a grudge, but I see it more as a natural consequence.

I got a 45.
There were a few underlying factors in the quiz that would play in. I'd forgive someone for eating my lunch if there were extenuating circumstances. I mean, did mine look like theirs? I very strongly doubt that. I almost always share things like it was nothing at all at work. I mean, I always put stuff out and say, here have some. My teaching buddy is the same way and we loan each other money like it's nothing at all and then we pay each other back as soon as possible.
If it was snitching food just to be mean, then I might be offended.
I would therefore forgive my buddy if he did it, because I would know he needed it and would go get me something else.


If I had a guest who didn't help out much and messed up my house...hmm. I did have a young lady who spent one whole month with us, count em 30 days, and I'd just had a baby and she was coming at this rather stressful time to help us out as that was the condition...and she never once offered to do anything. My five year old asked to change the diapers and the older young woman, 25, never did it.

But, I didn't hold a grudge because I realized the kid was deeply depressed at being in America and finding out it wasn't all peachy keen and that her relatives had just had a baby! duhhh, I kind of knew she'd be a dud, but, she's a goddaughter to my spouse...something I find sacred.
She had my daughter's room (talk about bearing a grudge, my girl was five and she won't see the cousin involved because 'she took my room') and one bathroom to herself.

I don't hold it against her because she was obviously very troubled.
There is no way I'd have anyone over like that after a baby again though...

I am holding a grudge right now against someone and it's rare, however, I suppose I could say, it's not their fault that she has lived her life like this and has been on a power trip since leaving the convent.

I scored 75 which I guess confirms my suspicions that I don't suffer fools gladly and it's best not to mess with me as I'm unlikely to forgive you!

I got 90.
So don't cross me.

I think I'm just a generally mardy person, though.

Golly, Flynn. You beast, you. We'll try and steer clear.

I scored a 35 on it as well. I'm not extremely surprised.

Somehow Dave, I'm not either! You don't seem like the type to hold a grudge either.

A 20.
I know I'm a forgiving person, but I'm definitely not a pushover! I think a flaw in this this test is that it requires sort of "all or nothing" responses. Just because I don't hold a grudge doesn't mean I don't get angry in the first place. I just don't hold on to things for long.
(Except maybe that teasing person at the reunion--I dealt with plenty of them, and I can't abide bullies. If they come up to me and apologize, we'll see. But otherwise... )

I got 65, although I have to admit I thought I'd score higher. Must be mellowing with age...

I've never been able to hold a grudge against someone for long. Believe me, I can get mad and feel like I will hold a grudge, but I cool down quickly and the next thing I know, it's like it never happened. However, I don't think I could forgive anyone of killing a family member. I scored a 45.

I scored 50 - talk about Mrs Average.

Actually, I am surprised I didn't score higher. On the one hand, I am reasonably tolerant and forgiving. But on the other hand, I have very high standards and I don't put up with other people's rubbish.

For example, I have a friend with whom I used to be very close, but she did quite a few things that really upset me. So I distanced myself from her because I thought life is too short to put up with that sort of nonsense or waste time on selfish people. However, I am not holding a grudge and if I see her down the mall, I am happy to stop and have a friendly, but brief, chat. But I don't phone or visit her any more.

I couldn't agree more MG. I had a friend for a number of years, and although we did have a big tiff, we also patched things up.
However as the years went by she got more and more boring, and I found myself dreading the time that we spent together. I decided to cut the cord (when we moved I didn't send her a change of address), simply because there never seems to be enough time to spend with people I want to see - as you said, life is just too short.
It was hard to do becuase of all the years we'd been friends, but I wasn't getting anything out of the friendship anymore, except a sense of relief when the duty visit was over.
I have to wonder if she felt the same way, because my family is still in the same city as her, and she could have gotten my number from one of them.

I got a 75. I DO hold grudges, and for long periods of time, but only when I am not around that person. The minute they give me a sincere indication that they are sorry, I melt like butter. But as long as we are not in contact, I am mentally furious with them!

"I couldn't agree more MG."

I had a huge wake-up call, or epiphany, or whatever you want to call it, several years ago. I was chatting with a lady I worked with; she said that she had decided that life was too short for one-sided friendships and that she just cut off anybody who didn't give something to the relationship - e.g. people who always expected her to phone or visit them, but they never bothered to phone or visit her.

I suddenly realised that I had a number of one-sided friendships like that, where I was doing all the giving. So I firmly resolved that I would not contact these people until they contacted me. In most cases, years later, I am still waiting.

It took a while to not feel guilty about it and to NOT say "sorry I haven't contacted you for a while" when I ran into them. I had to tell myself that I needn't feel guilty - it was just as much their responsibility to maintain a friendship as it was mine.

All in all, it was a very liberating decision.

In most cases, the friendship was no loss. With respect to the friend mentioned above, she only ever contacted me when she wanted something and everything I did offended her somehow (I even managed to offend her by sending her a birthday card when apparently she didn't want to be reminded of it).

I think you've both hit on something really important. The whole concept of trying to be 'all things to all people' wears thin in a hurry. Even though I am generally a nice enough person, I too reached an epiphany in my personal life several years ago. Some hangers - on got evicted [ merely through not bothering to contact them any more -possibly they didn't even notice.] My life now has in it only those people who care about me and I them. I guess I'm not very good at casual, take it or leave it relationships anymore.

I was just rereading this again --- gave me some thoughts:

- Honestly, if someone stole my lunch I'd be mad as a hornet! I'd immediately label them a 'food bandit' (or worse) and then, maybe a little later, start thinking about whether they had just made a mistake or were simply hungry. In the long of it, I don't think people should be executed for either thing. I'd still miss my lunch, though...

- The folks at my house? Well, as mentioned, I'd forgive them sooner than later for being slob-oids. BUT, I'd have to remind myself eventually that I more than likely said "Make yourself at home!" at some point. I want people to figure that they can be comfortable in my home without thinking that maybe their home is way different than mine is. To give a list of rules to a guest never seemed friendly to me. Really, in my mind, it makes them less a guest when you do that. If they're just horrible individuals to begin with they wouldn't get either the invite OR any expectations. Trust me, though, next time they stayed over they'd be reminded that if they can't clean up after themselves and expect that I will then they aren't guests anymore. The power is mine .

- The peevish friends is a good one, I think. I get peeved more often than Rush Limbaugh does! But I never enter any relationship with a 'balance sheet' in tow - only because that means they have the same privelege in their back pocket with me. I don't put a lot of expectations on folks only because I don't hope that they have too many on me. I go to my sister-in-law's house and am told I can't rest my feet on the couch? Whatever you say! She comes to my house and carps about that I have whole milk and not 2%? At the end of the day neither of us feel comfortable anywhere and need to get over it or just get used to feeling that way. No different with friends. We could constantly fight about our differences or just accept that we have them.

Holding a grudge (which, to me, is a permanent "I'll never get over it, no way or shape or form" mindset) seems like a waste of better spent energy elsewhere.

One last thing: I answered that I would forgive the person that killed a family member. Would I? Really? Yeah, I probably would. Would I ever forget it and stop despising him/her for that he did that? Nope. I guess I think that my damnation, ultimately, would do more damage to me than it would to them. My judgement towards that person will change nothing. His/her judgement is already in motion. Making it more brutal would be far too much about me.

Just thinking and explaining my "midland" approach ...