So, what was your score, Gats?

Edited to add: ooops, sorry, I realised too late that you've already posted that previously.

"But I never enter any relationship with a 'balance sheet' in tow - only because that means they have the same privelege in their back pocket with me. I don't put a lot of expectations on folks only because I don't hope that they have too many on me."


I don't keep a balance sheet either, and I am not the kind of person who does something for a friend, expecting something in return. But I did have a few relationships that were VERY one-sided. For example, I had a friend who, whenever I contacted her, would always say things like "Well, you finally remembered I'm alive" in a very accusing tone of voice. And I would think "Hang on, you've not bothered to contact me. Why should it be my responsibility to phone you, when you can just as easily phone me?" But I never said it. Perhaps I should have.

Quote:

---

One last thing: I answered that I would forgive the person that killed a family member. Would I? Really? Yeah, I probably would. Would I ever forget it and stop despising him/her for that he did that? Nope. I guess I think that my damnation, ultimately, would do more damage to me than it would to them. My judgement towards that person will change nothing. His/her judgement is already in motion. Making it more brutal would be far too much about me.

---

Well said!

I was taught that forgiveness was for the benefit of the person doing the forgiving, not the one being forgiven. I do believe that too. It's a philosophy that hasn't failed me yet. The wrongs that still cause me pain are the ones I haven't yet forgiven.

The friends at home was one that I wouldn't bother about - they wouldn't be there if I didn't love them dearly and I figure that the place probably looked like a bomb had hit it before they got there anyway.

If someone had killed my child or other family member for that matter - I can't think how under any circumstances I would be able to forgive them.

Food poisoning? Nope, not going back there again. Mu lunch from the work fridge? Huh? What are they thinking? Although if it did look the same then there would be theirs left so I'd eat that so that would be okay, but as for just because they were hungry they can go jump!

Well, I'm gonna put in my 2 cents on this test. I took it because of my sister. She is forever telling me that I shouldn't hold a grudge, and in life there is no such thing as black and white. I tell her I'm forgiving when it comes to some things. Well guess what, I scored 90/100. Ok, so I hold a grudge forever..hehe. But then I suppose it goes hand in hand with not trusting anyone. I guess I need to put a psychiatrist on speed dial....:)

The friend that I didn't send a forwarding address to was getting very rigid with her social etiquette rules - which was one of the problems. If she called you last time, then it was your turn to call her and she would not break the rule. I would bump into her and she'd chat for a while and then pointedly tell me that it was my turn to call, and make me feel guilty because I hadn't. This, and some of the other rules that she rigidly grew into, was part of the reason she got so boring.
I have one 'one sided friend' right now. If I didn't call her I could go months without seeing her. But when I do call her she is always so glad to hear from me and wants to take me to lunch. I think in her case, that it really is a case of her life being so insanely busy (she and her husband run a motorcycle dealership and look after two aging and ill mothers) that she doesn't call anyone.

I decided to look at the questions once more and give my response.

Do you have a friend who you do not speak to anymore because of something that happened between the two of you?

Many years ago when I was a teenager I did that, the other person was (and probably still is) a compulsive liar and although I accept 'white lies' to protect a person's feelings, I hate deliberate lies. She told one lie too many and I went ballistic and told her never to speak to me again - and as she lived in the same road it was dificult. I finally spoke to her again about 10 yars later. These days life is too short.

You broke up with your boyfriend or girlfriend 2 months ago. You find out that your best friend hooked up with them at a party. Would you hold a grudge?

Nah, if I have finished with him she is welcome. I attempted to be friendly with my ex-husband's new partner/wife for the sake of the children.

The man who murdered your child is on death row. At the last minute, he asks you for forgiveness. Can you do it?

No, never.

You've contracted a treatable STD and you know from whom. Do you:
Never speak to them again
Tell them that you don't know if you can ever forgive them

Figure it's just as much your fault as theirs - Yes, I ought to have insisted on protection.

You go to your 20-year High School reunion and the person that teased you unmercifully all through high school is there. Do you:
Approach them and start up a friendly conversation? - Yes, that will make them feel guilty.

Avoid them like the plague?
Make polite conversation only if you have to

Would you be upset if someone at work took your lunch out of the refrigerator and ate it without asking even if they apologized?

Yes would forgive them, especially if they replaced it with some smoked salmon sarnies.

You lent a significant amount of money to someone a year ago. They still haven't paid you back. Are you mad at them?

No. Don't lend money unless you are prepared never to see it again. I would far rather give it. Mind you my ex-boss (of many years ago) borrowed ove Story from me and never returned it. When I visited her home is stared at me from the bookcase and I was too much of a coward to ask for it back!

Your friend comes to stay with you for 2 weeks. When they leave, the place is a total wreck. Six months later, they ask to stay with you again. Do you refuse?

No, just tell them that my health hasn't been too good so I will have to ask them to assist with shopping and cooking etc, and the washing up and hoovering...

You get food poisoning at a restaurant. Would you stop going there?

No, once they have been reported (by me) to public health they are going to be more particular in future so it would be a safe place to eat. I might well have told them that I got food poisoning from them and hope for a free meal.

Do you stick pins in voodoo dolls of any of your ex's?

No, I tend to remain on good terms, able to speak if I saw them.

See, for me it was the way the questions were worded. I suspect I would have come up with a way wimpier score if it were just 'could you forgive?'
I can see forgiving someone who killed my child, in some circumstances (sincere repentance). As others have said, this would not be for his benefit, but for mine - I could not live, carrying that burden around with me.
However, I can't see going back to a restaurant where I got food poisoning. This has nothing to do with a grudge, but with prudence.
In both cases, what I would be doing is taking care of myself. I would not be giving emotional space to something harmful, and I would not be laying myself out for further physical harm.

I don't know..I know of this woman whose daughter was murdered by this young man who was subsequently convicted of murder and sentenced to death. The woman visited him on death row, developed a relationship with him, and said that by the time he died, he felt remorse for what he had done. She believed that his remorse somehow made her daughter's murder less painful for her, and she forgave him. Could I do that? I don't think so, but I also think that if I could, I would be approaching a level of soul evolution that any serious student of spirituality has to strive for. Now, after having said that, I am so mad at my publisher after what she said to me today...

One question I definitely did not like on this quiz was the restaurant question. How is avoiding a place that gave you food poisoning holding a grudge? It sounds like common sense to me.