Hello everyone!

I'm looking for suggestions regarding this particular disorder. I was diagnosed with it yesterday and am really confused about treatments, coping skills, therapy and the like.

Does anyone here have it? Does anyone have any suggestions of websites and reading material that I could use to help me?

Sure do appreciate any responses!

Hi crzyldync !

This site seems to have lots of info AND a decent across-the-board perspective. Maybe it'll help?

On a personal level I've never known anyone diagnosed with BDP so don't know what applies better to what. Good luck to you as you go - it sounds manageable.

I too have a personality disorder (not BPD) and it was diagnosed some time ago when I started to have other medical problems and I went to a new GP who picked it up. Over the years I have learnt a few things that now help me cope.

1. Get to a good psych/counsellor. My original one nearly destroyed me. Ask questions about what they know and how they do things. If you do not like them or they seem incompetent keep looking or change. I asked around people who I thought would know. (In other words - do not settle on the one a GP sends you to - or ask for another one).

2. Try not feel ashamed and hide yourself - and accept who you are and what you have (this is so hard). This is what I did and still suffering the consequences. Try to keep in the community. It is very hard to resocialize. Try not to focus on your illness with everyone. (I remember at a wedding I attended with my husband. Someone asked me "What do you do?" To see their reaction I said "I do counselling - twice a week". They quickly made an escape. From that day on I thought I am who I am - if you cannot deal with it that is your fault. I will try not be ashame of what I have again. You will - but try not to. I was told once - if a person has cancer, etc., they get sympathy and help - mental health is another illness but for some reason a lot of general public cannot cope with it. People with a medical condition (physical non health) are not ashamed so why should head (mental) health sufferers do.

3. After a long while when I decided that I cannot keep myself locked away and that I am still the same person my kids loved before the diagnosis - I told people who I had closed contact with. I am up front about my personality changes and I have lots of memory lapses. It helps them to cope and understand so they know it is not just them (it gives them a base line of understanding and coping). It cuts down frustration and misunderstanding on both sides. Later I found I could go back to them and ask what happened or go over things again and they are far more understanding and accepting. The unknown is what scares people and if they do not know things get messy. My kids know and make jokes to their friends about it - that is good (these are not nasty in intent). If the people who you told cannot cope, once again this is their problem and not yours. They will leave and thus one less problem for you.

4. Work with your disorder. I mean by this when days or weeks are bad and your not coping or if like me I have bad times when I have complete blanks, etc. do what you have to do to survive those times. Ring your friends, counsellor, etc. In the "good" times prepare yourself for the "bad" times. In the early days I would have a list of coping mechanism that I would use in those times. For instance on this site, when I used to write and do a lot of quizzes, I would stop for it was useless for me to continue until I come out of the fog. Accept that is what you have to do. I also became the "takeout queen". Cooking became a trauma for me at times. My worst time was holding a roast and crying. My son came over to me and put his arms around me and told me to put it back in the fridge and he would cook it the next day if I was not up to it. We would order a takeaway. I remember holding the roast and not know what to do with it. Did I boil or roast. This was devasting for me as I was a "high-powered" business woman and also worked in other fields - that day was the worst day (for many reasons).

5. Do not become a junkie on finding out everything that there is to know about your disorder. It only depresses you. (It did me). I threw away my books and stopped searching for every paper written. Tons of info (and lots are contradictory) is depressing and confusing. I tended to feel embarrassed and ashamed about "reading about myself" and saying "oh no - is this how I act". Then I got more depressed and more self conscious. Be yourself - if you look at every person and rush to a psch book to define their actions and words not one of them would be totally 100% free from some type of disorder (especially psychology vs religion - but that is another subject I often joke around with and not get into here).

I hope this is of some use. This is hard for me to submit - but I am going to (as I am going to walk my talk). Hang in there and cheers.

Auszev - what a generous, empathetic, caring, sensitive and honest reply.

You have my respect and admiration.

Thank you.

Please let me echo Vendome's sentiments. I've actually met Auszev in person and let me tell you she is a delightful person.

Auszev, I really appreciate your post, you do not know just how helpful it is to me right now. Thank you.

Auszev,
Thank you SO much! I printed out what you replied, just as a reminder to myself that life is not perfect.

This has been a hard pill to swallow. I have a brother with Bi-Polar, Borderline Borderline, and Adult ADHD. I always thought I was the strong tough one, protector of innocents, savior to all. What I now realize is you can't "whoop every person's a**" that makes you mad. Not that I did, but I fight with my family alot. And I have the "I Hate You, Don't Leave Me" complex.

The nasty part is I thought all this was normal (whatever normal is). Your right, I have been reading alot of everything and it's depressing as heck. So on your advice I quit. I have a therapist and psychiatrist that I see once a week. I like them both as much as I CAN like someone. So far it's been ok.

It's comforting to know someone else in the world has the same difficulties. Somewhere there is a little light burning in me to stay strong and fight.
And in my opinion you certainly did "walk the walk and talk the talk" just by coming on here and helping me. Thanks Auszev!

My son is bi-polar. He telephoned me last night and I think he is about to be in trouble again. Hence my post above Auszev.

I am not sure which is harder, to be the sufferer or the close relative. You crzyldync really have the worse senario, both the sufferer AND the close relative.

My thoughts are very much with your both.

Thanks Sue943, it really helps to know there are others out there that have the same rollercoaster ride going on. Be it yourself or a loved one. I understand about your son. I get calls from my brother all the time. When he's manic, he's overspending, doing drugs, partying and anything else he can think of. Then he'll call me in the pits of depression wanting to end it all.

And it's hard to know what to do. For me, I usually jump right in and try to "fix" him. Which doesn't help me one bit. I personally try to keep a realistic idea about all of it. However, with BPD it's at time almost impossible.

Believe it or not, just talking on here and finding caring people really does make me feel better. It's hard for me to make friends, at least here the world doesn't have to see me and I can remain in the shadows, and not be face to face with someone. (I don't do well meeting or talking to people)

And I feel bad for people who don't understand mental illness. It's so hard to explain what we feel, and why. At least with someone who has it in their family or suffers with it I can share ideas and such. It helps.