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#31083 - Tue Aug 01 2000 09:01 AM The Things You Learn From Movies
chelseabelle Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Thu Oct 07 1999
Posts: 10282
Loc: New York USA
This is a golden oldie (courtesy of the dailydose.com), but each time I read it it seems so true.
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36 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES

1) During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
2) When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
3) If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of year.
4) All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to the waist level on the man lying beside her.
5) The Chief of Police will almost always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
6) All grocery bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
7) It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone to talk you down.
8) The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place - no one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
9) Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned to a partner who is their polar opposite.
10) The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
11) All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they are going to go off.
12) If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
13) You are very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
14) Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language - a German accent will do.
15) If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
16) A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
17) When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
18) Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
19) If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
20) Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
21) Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
22) All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
23) A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of Dodger Stadium.
24) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
25) Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
26) It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
27) Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
28) It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
29) A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
30) It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will patiently attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
31) When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
32) No-one ever involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
33) Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment that it is aired.
34) You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
35) Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
36) Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.

Maybe we have too much realism in movies these days

Can you add any more?

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#31084 - Tue Aug 01 2000 12:30 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Hungreee Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Wed Apr 19 2000
Posts: 716
Loc: Just to the left of normal
When a perfect couple finds eachother one of them will always have a secret that the other one finds out JUST before the secret keeper has a chance to confess and explain.

Women always go to bed with and wake up with the perfect hair and makeup in place.

No one ever gets sleep wrinkles in their skin or wakes up with eye-boogies.

Women really do enjoy walking around and even running in 3 inch heels.

Now matter how young or poor you are, everyone lives in the perfect house, with the perfect children, and the perfect dog.

There is no reason to worry if you find yourself in a heated gun battle...the bad guy will have no aim whatsoever but you will be a perfect shot...hitting every one you aim at perfectly and fatally. In the rare case that the bad guy does hit you it will be on the shoulder or thigh and you will grin and bear it, much like a toothache.

There are no embarrassing noises, smells, or awkward positions when making love...its all just beautiful, serene and poetic.

[This message has been edited by hungree (edited 08-01-2000).]

[This message has been edited by hungree (edited 08-01-2000).]


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#31085 - Tue Aug 01 2000 05:46 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Linda1 Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 11250
Loc: Munchkinland
1) Lawyers spend the majority of their time in court. Any paperwork, research, phone calls, etc are but brief interruptions from their real job of being in a jury trial.

2) If the opposing attorney is being "mean" to your client, it's called "badgering." And, it's a law that there can be no "badgering" of a witness.

3) Top secret computers can always be accessed by using a simple password such as "password."

4) Computer cursors are huge and one can always easily read the font from across the room.

5) You never have to use the space key when you type long sentences - just keep typing the letters in succession.

6) Computers are always user-friendly and never break down when you're staying up late to finish that last minute report.

7) One member of a set of identical twins is always evil.

8) If you decide to start dancing on the street, everyone around you will know the steps and dance with you (and no one will look at you funny for doing so).

9) People are known for breaking into song at the slightest whim and this does not frighten passersby.

10) The criminal can always outrun the authorities and can duck around a corner unseen and watch as the police keep running by.

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#31086 - Tue Aug 01 2000 05:48 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Linda1 Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 11250
Loc: Munchkinland
(I love this thread! I hope we get a lot of activity and input in it!)

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#31087 - Tue Aug 01 2000 09:45 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Hungreee Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Wed Apr 19 2000
Posts: 716
Loc: Just to the left of normal
When we girls are all together in the kitchen cooking we always play classic rock music and sing and dance (all perfectly in harmony and choreographed) our way thru the task at hand.

Giving birth usually only takes about five minutes. It hurts, but as long as you crush your husband's hand, curse him for doing this to you and push once or twice--really hard--you will get through it.
As soon as its over you will have a perfectly clean 16 pound, 4 month old child.
There is no after birth, (who made that up?) and you will not have that huge, flabby, empty sack of flesh left on your belly where the baby was--there is no such thing!

Children always do exactly what they are told, never talk back, never throw tantrums, and never get dirty. They are extremely quiet and pleasant. You hardly know they're there.

All senior citizens "rap" and breakdance. They also have filthy mouths and are obsessed with sex. Its a disgrace, really.

Cell phone service is available everywhere, unless you are being held captive by a lunatic, then there will be no service, or worse yet, there will be service, but you won't be able to reach the send button.

No matter what city you are in or how busy traffic is, you will always be able to pull directly into an open parking space right in front of the building you need to go into.

[This message has been edited by hungree (edited 08-01-2000).]


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#31088 - Tue Aug 01 2000 09:52 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Hungreee Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Wed Apr 19 2000
Posts: 716
Loc: Just to the left of normal
The biggest one yet....

99% of the worlds population is white, rail thin, or incredibly buff, has perfect teeth, skin, hair and an endless wardrobe, drive new cars, and earn gobs of money at jobs they rarely have to go to .

We don't know where this myth about fat people, people with disabilities, people of color, poor people, or people who work for minimum wage came from but we're sure its not true...just look at our movies, you'll see!

[This message has been edited by hungree (edited 08-01-2000).]


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#31089 - Thu Aug 03 2000 12:35 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
chelseabelle Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Thu Oct 07 1999
Posts: 10282
Loc: New York USA
Everyone lives in an immaculately clean house at all times--not even in children's rooms or the kitchen, is there ever the slightest hint of a fingerprint smudge on a light switch, a glass left on a counter, or a pile of laundry.

And no one ever has an accumulation of mail, magazines, newspapers or books--everything is tended to, read, and promptly disposed of.Immediately.

Supermarket bags never seem heavy--no matter what is in them.And, of course, they never break or rip.

Refrigerators, freezers, and closets seem to have limitless space--there is always room for another item.

Clothes never get wrinked when you are wearing them--regardless of the humidity or how many hours you have been wearing them.

Hair never gets frizzy or limp in humid weather or at the seashore/beach/on a boat.

Families always eat together at a neatly set table--and they always eat balanced meals.

Kids magically vanish when parents want time alone together.And they never throw tantrums or start crying in a store because they want something you don't want to buy.

Older men become involved (often) with women easily young enough to be their daughters, but age is never even mentioned, let alone an issue.

All people who engage in sex have great bodies.


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#31090 - Wed Aug 09 2000 09:36 AM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Donnar Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Tue Mar 07 2000
Posts: 621
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Not only do women wake up with perfect hair and make up, their nightdresses are never bunched around their waists.

No one ever plonks down in front of the telly, and stays there all night (as in real life), unless it's a man watching sports on a sitcom.

Darn, I had more but I can't remember them. That 'getting a park directly outside where you have to go' gets to me every time. Not to mention the clean, ironed clothes when no one does laundry. Or the immaculate house when no one does housework....

This ain't over


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#31091 - Wed Aug 09 2000 01:29 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Donnar Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Tue Mar 07 2000
Posts: 621
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Ok, this may be more for telly, but notice how people go over to someone's place just to say one thing and then they leave? Don't they have telephones?

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#31092 - Sat Aug 19 2000 05:55 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
RazorbackOH Offline
Explorer

Registered: Wed Apr 19 2000
Posts: 98
Loc: Columbus, Ohio USA
Woman police officers never break a fingernail or get a run in their pantyhose no matter how many scuffles they get in.

When a bomb needs to be diffused the good guy will always know or guess the correct wire to cut.

If a large window is shown, at some point in the movie that window will be broken.


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#31093 - Fri Sep 15 2000 03:24 AM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
tjoebigham Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Dec 25 1999
Posts: 2824
Loc: Fairhaven Massachusetts USA   
Ever read Roger Ebert's Little Movie Glossary? I picked up a copy some while ago. It has a lot of movie cliches and formulas,et al. For example: Any chase in an exotic locale will have a fruit cart overturned...when abeautiful classic car is introduced, it will be wrecked by film's end...people in movies always undress from the top down, especially women...when someone's going to hang, we first see a crowd, then zoom back through the hangman's noose...in many action flicks, the women can't flee danger by themselves, but must be dragged by a strong man's hand. tjoeb};>
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#31094 - Fri Sep 15 2000 08:28 AM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Hungreee Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Wed Apr 19 2000
Posts: 716
Loc: Just to the left of normal
I just remembered one that has bugged me for years...

Did ya ever notice how no matter where people are or what they are doing someone will offer the other person a ride home? This always makes me wonder how they got there to begin with! Sometimes someone will say "No thanks, I have my car." But usually they accept the ride. In real life when I am at a function I never go around offering people a ride home...I assume they drove or rode with someone and that's how they'll get home too.

It seems like a lot of the time these people leave their cars parked so they can get a ride with someone...who would do that on a regular basis? I wouldn't leave my big expensive car parked in some public place over night...and they never show them having to get a ride to pick up the abandoned car the next day!

That's just something I always notice and it annoys me...

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~~The purpose of life is a life of purpose~~


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#31095 - Sun Jul 15 2001 11:46 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
chelseabelle Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Thu Oct 07 1999
Posts: 10282
Loc: New York USA
More things we learn from movies..

If someone says, "I'll be right back." they won't.

If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone around you will be able to mirror all the steps you come up with, and hear the music in your head.

I love this topic!

Does anyone have any more things we learn from movies?

.

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#31096 - Sun Jul 15 2001 05:39 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
zz Offline
Explorer

Registered: Tue Jun 26 2001
Posts: 98
Loc: MI
quote:
Originally posted by chelseabelle:
24) Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.

they did! there was no sugar in their diet, so they would be clean

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#31097 - Sun Jul 15 2001 10:46 PM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
thejazzkickazz Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Fri Apr 14 2000
Posts: 3232
Loc: Utah USA
When having computer trouble, simply ask the nearest 6 year old who is invariably a computer genius.

The president is an extremely intelligent good guy who just has one weakness, women.

Innumerable ninjas can easily be defeated by a single foe.

Every gun has at least 74 bullets.

Guns only become jammed when a good guy is cornered with a gun to his head.

All good guys are named 'Jack'.

Bad guys only give away all their secrets when the good guy is captured and about to meet certain death...after which, the good guy escapes certain death to foil the plan.

Martial artists' hands and feet move so quickly there's always a swishing sound accompanying their moves.

If a good guy sees a gun pulled from across the room, he always has time to jump in front of the bullet even when the entire world suddenly begins moving in slow motion.


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#31098 - Mon Jul 16 2001 03:07 AM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
JonQ_27 Offline
Participant

Registered: Mon Jul 16 2001
Posts: 11
Loc: Los Angeles, CA
all bomb's wires are too confusing until there are two seconds left when a guess will be the right wire to cut.

rain suddenly just begins to pour down.

if you are pointing a gun at someone previously described as a great fighter, intelligent man, etc... if you turn your head, he will disappear.

men from china are always sent to other countries to solve crimes.

kidnap victims always fall in love with their captors, or if they are of the same sex, they become friends for life.

cars always run as soon as you turn them on, no matter the weather, the age of the car, unless you have to chase someone or have to get away.

the "big man on campus" should never try to save his popular virgin girlfriend from a monster or murderer because he will unltimately die.

the biggest nerd is school is incredibly attractive, they just need someone who is popular to awaken their inner beauty, and apparently give them a new wardrobe and make-up.

the dorky guy with the crappy guy that backfires when started and smokes when stopped always gets the girl

when someone is really good at something, like a sport, in one climate their parents always move to the completely opossite climate and the kid is an outcast until he, and everyone discovers that he is great at something that is similiar to his first hobby, then he is "the man"

the only time superheroes help poor people is by giving them presents, but all the crime fighting is reserved for the rich people.

i think there is more, so ill try to figure them out or find some more... i also love this topic.

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#31099 - Sun Jul 22 2001 05:51 AM Re: The Things You Learn From Movies
Jenna Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Mon Jul 16 2001
Posts: 115
Loc: WA, Australia
*lol* these are good! How about...

1) Mothers, grandmothers or older women always dress in the latest fashions, and look 20 years younger than they really are. You NEVER EVER see a mother (etc) in uggboots, with rollers/curlers in her hair, no make-up and old clothes.

2) After sex in the mornings, there is always one person asleep and one person awake trying to get away unnoticed

3) One good guy can defeat a whole room full of baddies

4) Also as part of #3, the bad guys will only attack one at a time

5) The women is always helpless but when someone is about to kill her she knows karate or kung fu

6) The ugly, unpopular, nerdy guys in teenage flicks always get l--d before the cute, popular ones do

7) Germans always have moustaches

8) Young daughters can always sneak out their bedroom window. Her parents will never hear her, there will never be a fly-screen on it, siblings will never hear and if they do... (...see #9),

9) Siblings can always bribe the older teenagers (yeah, right!) with "I'll tell Mum and Dad!"

10) Parents always assume that their teenage daughter/son is a perfect little angel who doesn't about sex and won't until they are married

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