If it wasn't for the fact that I would have to ban myself from the site I might have used a few choice words here.

What is my beef today? It is elderly people who feel that they have a right to do whatever they wish regardless of anyone else. I am not talking about the majority of elderly people you understand, nor those with some form of health problem, just those few who who are really selfish.

Being a good person, basically, I took a large (and heavy) bag of newpapers to the recycling bins. There is a fairly large parking area in front of the bins, easily large enough for two cars which would be the maximum number of people using the bins at one time (I have never seen more than two). As I was driving down the ramp to the area I was fascinated by the driver of the car in front of me, it almost looked like one of those cartoons with someone hardly able to see over the steering wheel.

We got to the bins and he parked in such a way that I couldn't pull in, I also had a car on my tail and ended up having to park a few hundred yards away. I heaved my bag of newspapers and walked to the bins. The elderly man (I won't call him a gentleman) looked at me struggling. I said that there ought to have been room for two cars, to which he replied that there would have been if he had moved over. I said that I had rather hoped that he would have done so to which he then said it was my hard luck, we don't always get what we want.

The nasty old man, so selfish. He was not frail, just old. Older people do not have the monopoly in being selfish obviously, and most are absolutey fine, but some really do think that they have all the rights in the world and to hell with anyone else.

Yikes! What a jerk. I'm of that younger generation that is typically thought of as irreverent at best, but I do have respect for my "elders", it's just that I tend to have respect for anyone until they give me a reason not to. And let me tell you, if someone's an old jerk, they'll not keep my respect very long. Silly pseudo-privilaged meanies.

From the top of my lungs - Boooooooooo... for that mean old mule! Lothruin is right, nobody should expect being respected for everything they do, just because they are seniors.

Too bad this had to happen to you Sue.

Yes, what a jerk! I am an old curmudgeon but always try to be caring to others and do not expect to be excused for bad behavior due to my age (81).

I don't get along well with too many at the senior center because many are just like the old crab you wrote about. Age is no excuse at all. Many oldsters just give up living. I won't do it. I am waiting for snow in the mountains right now so I can go cross-country skiing (translation: shuffle, fall, try to get up, shuffle, fall and enjoy the day). I am often complimented by other skiiers that I am still out and doing it.

I get disturbed by a lot of younger folks in the super market when they block the aisles with their carts while they talk on their cell phone or search the shelves. I try to stay on the side while I shop to allow others to pass.

Bad and uncaring behavior is a poor reflection on any age or society.

I do appreciate others trying to help me and always thank them. Some will hold a door or help me lift something heavy into my shopping cart (like a case of bottled water).

So, when you get old, please remember the crummy behavior you saw when you were young and don't park your cart (trolly) in the aisle of the market.

There are always those who have no care for anyone but themselves Sue. Age doesn't enter into it other than they use it as an excuse to get away with the most dispicable behavior. They're hoping you'll just put it down as "Oh well, he's old what are you going to do?" I know what I'd like to do, a swift kick in the pants is what!

There is no excuse for rudeness, at any age. I have reached the point where I am quite put off of the general population. We were at a concert last Saturday (Roger Hodgson, formerly of Supertramp). It was an excellent concert, but the people around me drove me nuts.
The lady behind me was coughing up a lung, right into the back of my neck (I could feel the air movement when she coughed). The man in front of me took off his sweater and revealed his need for a shower. The couple to our right were very well behaved during the songs that were huge hits, but talked quite loudly through the lesser known or newer songs. But the cake went to the drunk two seats down from my husband on the left. He hooted and hollered very loudly through the songs, yelling out things like "F-ing A Roger" really, really loudly.
When I tried to shush him and asked nicely if he would let us listen he was quite obnoxious, but did settle for a while, only making his noise in between songs - fair dinkum as my Aussie friends would say!
But as the evening wore on he forgot where he was and decided that it was karaoke night. He got louder and louder with each successive song...sigh.
We were so put off that we decided a quiet weekend at home was in order, and canceled our plans for this weekend, which also involved crowds!

Karma will get him for you, Sue. What goes around comes around.

And I wouldn't mind betting he was a selfish, nasty man when he was younger too.

It didn't help when I was in a supermarket about ten minutes later and speaking to a member of staff about the date on some milk, there had been a recall for that type of milk with that date, suddenly this child of about eight came up to me and told me in no uncertain terms that I was going the wrong way, that I ought not face that way with my trolley (shopping cart) and should be on the other side of the aisle. Excuse me? We have no designated directions, I couldn't care less which way his mother walks. I told him not to be so rude, it was his tone which was obnoxious as well as what he said. His mother said that he couldn't help it, it was just him, and that he didn't understand that he was being rude and that people just don't understand. I apologised to her, said that if the child has a problem then I was very sorry to have upset her. His language wasn't offensive, I don't think it was Tourette's.

'His mother said that he couldn't help it, it was just him, and that he didn't understand that he was being rude and that people just don't understand"


I think I would have told her that, as his mother, it was her job to teach him the polite way to communicate with people.

I'm old school on this (and, in the past several years, have seen some pretty ungodly social behavior towards people who may or might not need help) from very close-up. It always amazes me the numbers of people who don't even offer to lend a hand - even were it done grudgingly . When people are polite and helpful, after all this while, I find myself completely shocked (which is a pretty sad statement in itself). People being rude? I have NO use for that if they happen to be 6 or 106, though. Not knowing sometimes what to do or what to say is natural, really. Part of the human condition (and we're often a clumsy lot ). Being rude and bold about it is a definite choice, however. It's not clumsy. It's not forgiveable. It's just not necessary.

I wondered if it could be Asperger's, and she wasn't getting him diagnosed.

Whilst I very much agree with mothergoose that it's the mother's job to teach their child politeness and good communication skills, it isn't always that simple. My daughter has zilch social skills, she finds it very hard to read people and can seem abrupt, rude and even ignorant at times and unfortunately she can't help it, it is the way she is. Her little brother on the other hand is full of pleases, thankyous and your welcomes. I've brought them up with the same values.
Sue, I posted about a similiar thing on my blog. I'm a little tired of holding doors open for seniors just to be ignored.

Yeah, I think the issue with the child's behavior in Sue's case was not so much that the youngster misbehaved but more how the parent handled the situation ~ she, for whatever reason, explained away and (maybe innocently) reinforced the young fellow's actions without much social skills of her own. I doubt that anyone thinks that one can be expected to know the "back story" of a stranger (just like no one can be expected to know ours) but a quick explanation or at least an even dismissive apology would have been better than "people don't understand him", in my opinion. No, she's right about that, though. I, for one, don't think it's MY job to understand an unknown child in public. Unless, of course, a parent steps in and makes me try to.

Maybe his mum is tired of apologising for his behaviour?
I used to apologise for my daughter's eccentric behaviour, then I thought to myself would I be apologising to people if she were getting in their way because she was in a wheelchair rather then getting in their way because she is extremely hyper? I'm not sure anyone should feel the need to apologise for having a disability of any kind.
I don't expect complete strangers to understand why my daughter, I wish I had the time to explain her difficulties to every Tom, Dick and Harry that stares, or makes rude comments, I really do but I can't take my eyes off her for a second in public and she is my number one priority not them.
And sometimes if it's been a hard day I just don't have the energy to care what other people think.
Sorry if I have rambled and got on my soapbox about this but it is something I have to deal with on a daily basis. I used to be judgemental myself, I'd see a child misbehave and think my goodness why do the parents let them get away with it? But since having my daughter and realising there are many many children who look perfectly 'normal' on the outside can be suffering with autism, aspergers, adhd, and the many other disorders that make these children social outcasts.

Fair enough. I actually agree with you (I really do)...but shouldn't similar considerations be given to the elderly? I mean, really, they might be surly for a perfectly good reason, too. And we just don't know the whole story?
Ultimately, all we see from the people we don't know is the behavior they exhibit. Maybe, just maybe, the first step is to realize, without strong reactions all around, that what we don't know about each other could explain everything. And decide from there how much time we want to devote attempting to understand others or if we want to devote even more time to expecting to be understood?
I guess I wonder about these things...

50ftqueenie, as you will see, I apologised to the mother and in so doing gave her every opportunity to say, yes it is Asperger's or whatever. I wasn't asking for her to apologise, I was trying to understand, she was very offhand to me. She had no right to make me feel two inches high, she could have accepted my apology graciously. She certainly wasn't keeping an eye on him as I later saw him at one of the checkout alone clutching a toy, he then said tot he woman at the checkout he would speak to his mother and went off to find her.

It might tiring explaining to strangers but if they are sympathetic and apologise for telling the child not to be rude then perhaps some comment to show that the apology was accepted might have been in order. As I write this, I am just beginning to wonder if he child picked up some rudeness from her.

As for there elderly, most are fine, you just get the occasional one who feels that queues are not for them and they just go to the front and to heck with everyone else.

With the benefit of hindsight I am wondering if my ex mother-in-law had mild Asperger's, she used to say precisely what she thought and to heck with anyone's feelings. She used to say that she has always said what others think - not an endearing trait. A week after I married her son she told me that she wished he had married soneone else!

Oh Sue I wasn't having a go at you, you did absolutely nothing wrong in the way you way you dealt with the situation. I'm always glad of an opportunity to explain my daughter's condition if someone shows an interest. In my experience though it's rare for anyone to actually be interested, they are usually just quick to condemn and it's with those people I refuse to explain anything to because I know they wouldn't care or even try to understand.
Like Gatsby pointed out, we don't know the full story behind anyone's behaviour. She might well have just been a rude person or maybe she's stressed, depressed, at the end of her tether who knows?

And yet, there is some amount of rudeness that even back-story won't cure. As with the man Sue posted about originally, I'm having trouble actually thinking of a single thing that might be wrong with him that would CAUSE him to act that way. Sure, maybe he's sick, maybe he's seen a lot of tragedy, his friends dying, whatever. I don't mean to sound cold, but that's what happens as we age. And if most of the population of the earth can deal with age and all the bad that comes with it without getting nasty and rude and thoughtless, then I think we can reasonably be offended at those who do. Age isn't, after all, a "condition" or a "disease" or a "syndrome" and we all have to go through it eventually. Lets just hope most of us get through it with some amount of grace.

My dear mother-in-law, who was always such a nice person, decided when she got older that she could say whatever she wanted, it was her "right". After hearing the LAST rude comment, I took her by the shoulders, stared her in the face, and told her that there is no age limit on good manners. And she needed to stop being rude (she liked to make comments about people's weight, etc. loud enough for anyone in the store to hear) and blaming it on her age. She shaped up after that.

Our hospital had a huge 8 hour seminar that was supposed to teach us to be nicer. It backfired. The nice just stayed nice and the mean just stayed mean. A waste of tons of money; we all were paid overtime to attend.

I currently need to use a wheelchair off and on. I detest using it because I can feel and see the hostility as I take up more room and slow entering buildings down. We are such an impatient society. Cancer has taught me to slow down-sometimes slowing down the journey brings richer experiences. Don't recommend that for you all though!

Mother Goose-my 20 year old daughter just looked at the forums as I was reading and saw your picture. She thought it was me. We look a lot alike!

Well, I'll take this opportunity to vent about an older lady. I filled out my deposit slip in the line to the cashiers at the bank, and then, went past the other place where someone was filling out theirs, looked to see if they'd finished, and then just got into the line.
I was ahead of a very petite lady who was really kind. At one point however, this older lady came up to her, and said, 'you went ahead of me, I was in line.' Taken aback, the other woman said politely, 'well, no, you were filling out your slips there.'
'Well, I was in the line.'
The lady next to me was very graceful but visibly irked.
She said, 'well, if you're in a hurry, go ahead then.'
and she and I looked at each other.
I just decided to be just as gracious...and said, 'looks like you have an appt. go on ahead of me too.'
She went ahead of me, but didn't even say thanks, and just stood there acting like we were in the wrong!

My eyeballs must have been round. Then, she went up, did her banking and left. I noticed she was rushing the cashier too. When it was my turn as well as my companion's, the cashiers said thanks for being so gracious!

I just thought that if the lady had asked me politely, instead of insisting, I'd have said yes! I mean, insisting that standing there filling out your slips was standing in line isn't the way to do it.

I often let people with several items ahead of me, and they smile like I've given them a great gift. I always say, 'not to worry, I"m sure you'd do the same.'

I was also laughing on the phone with the phone company lady trying to help me through a troubleshooting thing. I just said, 'well, you know I've worked customer service, and it's pretty clear when you take a line who's going to be fun to help. I always thought I'd make a pretty nice old lady.'
She assured me that I didn't sound at all cantankerous.

Ah yes, the pushy people that are always in a hurry are the worst offenders for rudeness. I don't understand why they assume their time is more precious then my own!
My now deceased mother-in-law was as tactless and rude as they come. I once commented that I wished I had slimmer legs, her reply? "But they wouldn't match the rest of you"! and she wasn't joking either, but there was never any malice in her words and I never took offence. It wasn't an age thing with her either, apparently she'd always engaged her mouth before her brain.

By the way, as I've been the parent of a kid who needed to get out of a situation, and I was doing my darndest to get him out of that situation, I feel for parents dealing with 'bothersome' behavior. I try to give them the benefit of the doubt, but, I guess I've seen a few kids who really took the cake and were actually hurting people by ramming themselves into other shoppers' legs.
As the mother and grandmother did nothing to relieve it, the shopkeeper finally said something.

I think I could tell if the parent was trying to extricate the kid out of the situation or not.

I remember one time when my child had wanted to get back at this other kid who was just a monster and whose mother did nothing whatsoever to show him it wasn't acceptable to insult grownups or other children or to hit younger children and smash their face in the sand.
I was taking my kid away from it, and he was screaming at me to let him go take care of the brat....
One of the smug neigbhor girls made a snide remark to us...and I felt like screaming at her.

I hate to see kids running wild with their parents oblivious or even ignoring their behaviour. I remember once being in a changing room, this little girl kept flinging back the curtain of the cubicle I was in, her mother told her to 'stop it' and carried on chatting to her friend in the next cubicle but made no move to actually gain control of her child. The little girl was only a toddler and obviously bored, it was her mum I was cross with.
If I see a harrassed mum struggling with a tantrummer I usually smile and comment "been there done that bought the t-shirt" to make light of it because I know how terribly embarrassing it feels to be in that situation. People do generally stare as if they've never seen a little one have a hissy fit!

I really get angry with people who let their kids run all over restaurants. When I pay money to go out for a nice meal, I don't need someone else's kids poking their noses in to see what I'm eating, or rolling around in those shoes with built in wheels. Meanwhile, the parents are eating their meals undisturbed by the apalling behaviour of their own children.

Where i work, our policy states that if there are children there that cannot be kept under control, then the entire family has to leave. As you would expect, the families that had to leave were not happy at all.

Talking about the 'older' people who irk you off, i thought i would raise a point about the teenage population and your views on their behaviour etc.

My job taught me that no matter what mood you are in, you must appear happy and at your best all the time. I try to apply this out of work as well. I will admit i can be the most ungrateful person at times, but i also try to make someone else's day, by going out of my way to please them. It can be as simple as opening a door, or smiling.

Many people these days are hypocritical to teenagers, and expect them all to be the same. There are some who care! Any experiences?