Oh that is awful romeomikegolf!

The Irish Government sent 2000 troops to assist in the Gulf War. The Mexicans still aren't sure what to do with them.

How many managers does it take to change a light bulb?

One. They just hold it and the world revolves around them.

Did you hear about the Irish shoplifter?...They found him dead under Walmart.

customer: why do you claim this cabinet is made of cedar wood?
salesman: you scrape off da paint you can see da wood

A guy went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I keep having these alternating recurring dreams. First I'm a teepee, then I'm a wigwam, then I'm a teepee, and then I'm a wigwam. It's driving me crazy. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor replied, "It's very simple. You're two tents."

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk.

How do you make anti-freeze?
Take away her blanket.

What do you call Robin Hood's mother?
Mother Hood.

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

Two Eskimos, sitting in a kayak, were very chilly. To keep warm, they lit a fire in the craft, but it sank. They should have known. You can't have your kayak and heat it too.

here is a really bad knock knock joke

knock knock
whos there
boo
boo who
no need to cry its only a joke...

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To see his friend Gregory, peck!

The worst one I've ever heard...

What's pink and fluffy?

Pink fluff!

Two men were sat in an Indian restaurant when a car crashed through the window. Both survived, but one now has a dicky tikka and the other is in a korma.

Customer in restaurant-"waiter, have you got frogs' legs?"


Waiter - "No sir, it's just the way I walk!"

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because the chicken was sick!

Bob Dylan goes into a bar and asks for a coffee. He shouts over to the waiter " hey this coffee tastes like mud"
Waiter replies " so it should, it was ground this morning.

Bilingual joke here:

THere was once a famous French chef giving a demonstration of making one of the classic French recipes, an omelette.
With great flair, he cracked one egg, beat it, cooked it and one of the young chefs timidly raised his hand to pose the question burning his mind. The English chef said, 'But Maitre, why have you only used one egg?'

'C'est simple, one egg's enough.'

What goes black and white and black and white and black and white?

A nun falling down some stairs.

what do you call two guys with no arms and no legs on the window sill?

curt and rod

Where do crazy people walk?
Down the psycho path.

How do you catch a squirrel?
You sit in a tree and act like a nut.

How do you make Holy Water?
You boil the hell out of it.

Two nuns were driving through the woods when a demon jumps onto the hood of their car, the two nuns immediately start praying, but the demon stays. Then one nun says to the other "Sister Mary, show him your cross." So sister Mary leans out the window and yells, get off the car!

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

ONe boy says to the other "I have a dog with no legs, I call him Cigarette."
The other boy says "Why's that?"
"Because every night I take him out for a drag."

Two peanuts walk into a bar, one was assaulted.

A horse walks into a bar the bartender says "Why the long face?"

What do you call two men with no arms and no legs in the ocean?
Swimming trunks.

Here's an old joke:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.

Q: How long does it take for an astronaut to drive from Houston to Florida?

A: It depends.

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What's Mary short for?
She's got no legs.

What is a dentist's favorite musical instrument?
A tuba toothpaste.

Why does a chicken coop have only two doors?
If it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

and the best one *drum roll*

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Banana.
Banana who?
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I didn't say Banana?

also, for really bad comics, go here. I laugh because I shouldn't. It's great.

http://www.whiteninjacomics.com/comics/ark.shtml

What do you call a man with a plank on his head?
Edwood.

What do you call a man with three planks on his head?
Edwood Woodwood.

What is black and white and red all over?

A sunburnt zebra

What is black and white and red all over?

A baby skunk with diaper rash

What is black and white and red all over?

A hot fudge sundae covered in catsup

What is black and white and red all over?

A newspaper (white paper and black print and "read" all over)

What do you call a guy who loves Tolstoy?

Warren Piece

Knock Knock
Who's There
Sam 'n Janet
Sam 'n Janet who?


Sam 'n Janet evening, you may see a stranger.