I had to say it aloud, but LOL!

Janet arrives home with a new dress she has bought in the sales. She goes to her husband and says " Look, I got this for a rediculous figure."
He looks at her and says "I can see that, but how much did you pay for it?"

Did you hear the creator of the hokey pokey died?

They had trouble getting him in the casket. When they put his left foot in, it came right back out.



Two snakes are slithering down the sidewalk.
One says to the other, “Hey, are we poisonous?”
The other says, “I don't know, why?”
The first snake says, “Because I just bit my lip.”

ohhh that's a good one!

Two blonds walk into a bar...the third one ducks.

***

What do you call ten rabbits walking backwards in a row?

A receding hare line.

***

What did the tie say to the hat?

You go on a-head, I'll just hang around here.

Two dyslexics walk into a bra...

Ohhh yea that's rich! Wonder how many didn't get it....




Wow...I just noticed that I replied to this joke twice. It was that funny.

1st guy, " Man, this place smells like up dog."

2nd guy, "What the heck is up dog?"

1st guy, " Not much man what the heck is up with you?"

How do you catch a rabbit?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Hide behind a bush and growl like a carrot.


What do you give a skeleton who walks into a bar and orders a drink?

.
.
.
.
.

A mop.


Sorry!

How did the blonde burn her face?
Bobbing for chips

What did the bald man say when he got a comb for his birthday?

Thanks, I'll never part with it.

Q. Who's the strongest person in society?
A: Policemen - they can hold up traffic with one hand.

Q: How does the queen get around her palace?
A: She's throne.

Q: Where do ants buy their ties?
A: KMart.

Q: When is a car not a car?
A: When it turns into a driveway.

Q: What's ET short for?
A: He's only got little legs.

Ask me if I'm a tree.
Huh?
Ask me if I'm a tree.
Are you a tree?
No.

A blind man walked into a bar.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

10. 1 to change the bulb and 9 to make the documentary.

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac?

Lays awake all night wondering if there really is a dog.



Man walks into a bar with a frog on his head. Barman asks where he got it.

Frog says "It started as a wart on my bum and grew from there."

One that only the Brits may understand.


I went to the doctor yesterday with an embarrassing itch. He examined me and said 'You've got Hermes.' I said 'Don't you mean Herpes?'. He said 'No, you're a carrier'.

A joke... or more of an anti-joke... for the German speaking set.

Zwei Kühe in dem Feld. Beide Kühe essen Gras. Plötzlich springt ein Kaninchen nach hinter einen Busch heraus. Die Kühe betrachten einander und das Kaninchen läuft weg. Eine Kühe isst einen Bisschen Gras und folgt.

Hysterical, huh?

How many women with PMT does it take to change a lightbulb?

FOUR, IT JUST DOES, OK?


A Swedish man walks into a bar with a large green-and-red parrot on his shoulder. The barman looks at the Swede and says "Where did you get that from?"

"Sweden - there's loads of 'em!" says the parrot.

Ok, I'm too lazy to read through all this, but these really are bad!!!

One day, a guy walked into a bar to get a beer (duh). He goes up to the counter, and a cow comes to take his order. After a few seconds of silence, the cow says, 'I guess you weren't expecting to see me here, huh?'
The guy responded, 'Yeah, what happened? Did the horse sell the place?'

How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you later.

Two guys walk into a bar. One ducks.

Jane was one of those UGLY women, so ugly it hurts, she
never had a boyfriend. So she went to a psychic for help.
>
> - Honey! - said the psychic. You will not have luck in love
in this life. But in the reincarnation, you will be a very
desired woman and all men will fall at your feet.
>
> Jane left very happy and so excited, as she went over a
bridge she thought: "the sooner I die, the sooner my next
life begins" She decided to jump off the bridge right away.
>
> But, incredibly Jane didn't die!
>
> She fell on the back of a truck full of bananas, she lost
her senses and fainted. As soon as she recovered, still
drowsy and not being able to see very well, and not knowing
where she was, she started touching her surroundings,
feeling all the bananas she mumbled with a huge smile on her
face:
>
> - GENTLEMEN, PLEASE!
> - One at a time.

Two men are skiing. When they get to the bottom of the slope they ask a third man: 'Did you see us skiing down the hill?'

Third man: Yes I did

First man: Could you tell us if we were Zig Zagging or Zag Zigging?

Third man: Sorry I'm a Tabogganist so I realy could not say.

First man: In that case can I have a pack of Dunhill Lights please?

LOL, thats terrible! Why am I laughing?

A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the
appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now
need to enter a password...something he will use to log on.


The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for
the shock effect to bring this to his wife's' attention.


So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it
plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in.....



P...
E...
N...
I...
S...

His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

*** PASSWORD REJECTED, NOT LONG ENOUGH

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh


What do you call a spider with no legs?


A currant



What do you call a sheep with no legs?


A cloud

Gordana, I almost fell off my chair laughing at the joke.