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#335471 - Sat Jul 21 2007 08:23 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
King01 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Thu Dec 28 2006
Posts: 477
Loc: West Virginia USA
What do you call a deer with no eyes?

I have no-eye deer!

What do you call my cheese?

Na Cho' cheese

Why did the water fountain get arrested?

For being drunk in public

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#335472 - Sun Jul 22 2007 03:13 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    


Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Right where you left him!

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#335473 - Sun Jul 22 2007 03:46 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
A tourist in Vienna is going through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source.

He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads, "Ludwig can Beethoven, 1770-1827."

Then he realises that the music is the Ninth symhony and it is being played backwards. Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and returns with a friend. by the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backwards.

Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backwards. The expert notices that they are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the Ninth, then the Seventh, then the Fifth.

By the nest day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backwards.

Just then the caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music.

"Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "Beethoven is decomposing!"



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#335474 - Sun Jul 22 2007 03:50 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
Mahatma Ghandi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he sufferend from bad breath. This made him what?

A super calloused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis!

(say it aloud)

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#335475 - Mon Jul 23 2007 04:04 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
lady1 Offline
Champion Poster

Registered: Wed Jun 07 2006
Posts: 20697
Loc: Gauteng South Africa          
Whats the difference between a camera and a sock?


A camera takes Pho-toes
A sock takes five toes (ugh)
_________________________
"If Life Were Easy Where Would All The Adventure Be?"

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#335476 - Sat Jul 28 2007 06:26 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
trevor1968 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Mon Jun 11 2007
Posts: 848
Loc: Shearstown Newfoundland Canada
Why did the mother throw the clock out the window?--- She wanted to see time fly.

Why did the mother throw butter out the window?--- She wanted to see a butterfly.

What is black and white and red (read) all over?--- newspaper

What is black and white with a cherry on top?---- police car
_________________________
"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter". By Jack Benny

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#335477 - Sat Jul 28 2007 06:47 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
1312377 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Wed Jul 18 2007
Posts: 904
Loc: North Carolina USA
What did one pancake say to the other?

See you on the flip side.

......Oh boy.......
_________________________
"Underneath this mask is... another mask!"

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#335478 - Sun Jul 29 2007 03:14 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
trevor1968 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Mon Jun 11 2007
Posts: 848
Loc: Shearstown Newfoundland Canada
What begins with "e" and ends in "e" and only has one letter in it?

Envelope
_________________________
"Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter". By Jack Benny

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#335479 - Wed Aug 01 2007 06:17 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
A bear goes in to a bar and asks. "May I have a ham...........................................and tomato sandwich please."

The bartender asks, "why the pause"

"'coz I'm a bear."

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#335480 - Wed Aug 01 2007 04:22 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
King01 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Thu Dec 28 2006
Posts: 477
Loc: West Virginia USA
ahhaha that one actually made me laugh because it's so dumb!

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#335481 - Wed Aug 01 2007 10:53 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
jericha Offline
Participant

Registered: Fri Jul 27 2007
Posts: 38
Loc: Texas USA
Q. Why is six afraid of seven?

A. Because seven, eight, nine.
_________________________
The Black Knight always triumphs!

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#335482 - Mon Aug 06 2007 02:36 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
Ha! My dad put that on my Ninth? birthday card. He's been telling it to me since I was knee high to a grasshopper as well.

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#335483 - Sun Aug 12 2007 02:10 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
carolthescot Offline
Explorer

Registered: Mon May 21 2007
Posts: 81
Loc: Central Scotland UK
Quote:

What do you call a man who sits on your porch all summer?
Paddy O'Furniture.
What do you call a man who continually bangs his head on a brick wall?
Rick O'Shea.




ROTFL-I love these

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#335484 - Sun Aug 12 2007 05:06 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
JaneMarple Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Fri Jan 30 2004
Posts: 14484
Loc: North West of England
Two elephants fell off a can of paint - Boom Boom


Edited by JaneMarple (Sun Aug 12 2007 05:07 PM)
_________________________
My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open.

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#335485 - Mon Aug 13 2007 03:37 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
The_lioness33 Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Feb 25 2006
Posts: 2869
Loc: Adelaide South Australia    
How do you hide an elephant in a cherry tree?
- paint it's toenails red

Ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
- it works, doesn't it?

Q: How do you make a dead elephant float?
A: Well, you take 10 dead elephants, 10 tons of chocolate ice-cream, 5 tons of bananas,.....

Q: What's grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow, grey, yellow?
A: An elephant rolling down a hill with a daisy in its mouth!

Q: How do you shoot a blue elephant?
A: With a blue elephant gun, of course.

Q: How do you shoot a red elephant?
A: No, not with a red elephant gun. You strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a green elephant?
A: Tell him a dirty joke so he turns red, strangle him until he turns blue, and then shoot him with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you shoot a yellow elephant?
A: Ever seen a yellow elephant?!!!

Q: What's more difficult than getting a pregnant elephant in a VW bug?
A: Getting an elephant pregnant in a VW bug.

There were so many more I could have put, but they wouldn't have been suitable.

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#335486 - Mon Aug 13 2007 06:28 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
Maniachilles Offline
Participant

Registered: Sun Jun 24 2007
Posts: 15
Loc: Glasgow Scotland UK       
A camel, gorilla, parrot, zebra, cannibal, ghost & pterodactyl walk into a pub.
The barman looks up and says, "Is this some kind of a joke?"

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#335487 - Mon Aug 13 2007 12:56 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
malarson Offline
Participant

Registered: Wed Oct 11 2006
Posts: 37
Loc: Colorado USA
What does a dyslexic ghost say?

Oob.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The rabbi looks at the priest and says, "Hey, did you hear the one about us?"

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#335488 - Mon Aug 13 2007 01:29 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
fontenilles Offline
Explorer

Registered: Mon May 07 2007
Posts: 51
Loc: Fontenilles France
Jesus came back after two thousand years and walked up to a Inn carrying two nails and said " Can you put me up for the night"
Yes It's a bad taste joke sorry lol!
Robin

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#335489 - Wed Aug 22 2007 03:15 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
gillyharold Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 6162
Loc: Michigan USA
A magician accidentally turned his wife into a couch and his two
kids into armchairs. He started to panic and thought to
himself, "What the heck have I done?" He began to ponder, "How am
I going to bring back my beloved family?" So, he thought for a
while and decided a good idea was to take them to a hospital and
see if the surgeon could operate and bring them back. He loads
them into his van and off he rushes to the local hospital. He
walked up and down the hospital and after some serious surgery,
he asks the doctor, "Doc, how are they doing?" The doctor
replies, "Comfortable, sir!"

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#335490 - Wed Aug 22 2007 03:42 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
clayfrd Offline
Explorer

Registered: Wed Jun 27 2007
Posts: 61
Loc: Chattanooga Tennessee USA
Who sings "Blue Suede Shoes" and delivers packages overnight?


Elvis Expressley
_________________________
It's a me, Mario! - Mario Mario I was born with a stiff.....stiff upper lip... - Brian Johnson of AC/DC Very Nice! Borat Sagdiyev

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#335491 - Sat Sep 15 2007 03:26 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
Daia_No_Hana Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Tue Jul 17 2007
Posts: 1
Loc: Jakarta,Java Island, Jakarta (...
Q: If a mouse lost it's tail, where would it get a new one?

A: A re-tail store

Q: Who is the 1st cat to find America?

A: Christofur Collompuss

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#335492 - Tue Sep 18 2007 04:04 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
nonobadgirl Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Tue Sep 18 2007
Posts: 2
Loc: Washington State USA
Q. What do you call a bus full of lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A. A good start.
- - - - - - - - -

Q. How can you tell if your lawyer is lying?

A. His lips are moving.

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#335493 - Tue Sep 18 2007 06:06 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
Dragonkin Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Thu Feb 09 2006
Posts: 398
Loc: Oregon USA
Q: What is the definition of a 'shame' as in: "That's a Shame!"?
A: A busload of lawyers going off a cliff.
Q: What's the definition of a 'crying shame'?
A: There was an empty seat.

By the way, badgirl, I always heard the 'his lips are moving' one told about military recruters. But then again, I am an Army Brat, that might have something to do with it.
_________________________
You know, just once I'd like to meet an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets. - Lethbridge-Stewart, (Doctor Who TV series)

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#335494 - Tue Sep 18 2007 07:47 PM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
ClaraSue Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sun May 18 2003
Posts: 7841
Loc: Arizona USA
Quote:

By the way, badgirl, I always heard the 'his lips are moving' one told about military recruters. But then again, I am an Army Brat, that might have something to do with it.





hmmm, and I've always heard that one told about men. But then, I'm a woman and that definitely has something to do with it.
_________________________
May the tail of the elephant never have to swat the flies from your face.

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#335495 - Thu Sep 20 2007 08:43 AM Re: Bad Jokes? Post Here!
Flapflap5 Offline
Participant

Registered: Wed Sep 19 2007
Posts: 45
Loc: Pibbley land, comcom
why did the chicken cross the road

he just wanted to
_________________________
Pibbley land its so fun in the mainland of comcom pibbles is to be done

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