Found a couple more recently..
What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?
An Apple turnover.
It is not a well known fact, but soccer was very popular in ancient Rome. The Coliseum was used for matches. There was a big match planned for one Saturday, and three famous Romans arranged to meet at the Coliseum to see the match (Rome vs. Naples). When the day came, Caesar and Cassius met in their favorite bar, but there was no sign of their friend Brutus. So shortly before the kick-off, they gave up and went to their reserved seats to watch the game.
At half time, Brutus finally arrived "Sorry I'm late," he said. "The wheel came off the chariot, and I couldn't get it fixed. How's the game going?"
"It's been a fantastic game so far," Caesar replied.
"What's the score, then?"
A man with a cucumber in his ear, a carrot in his nose, and a tomato in his eye walks into the doctor's office. He says, "Doc, I'm not feeling well. What's wrong with me?"
The doctor says, "First of all, you're not eating right...."
I was born under a wandering star.