What do you call 11 lawyers buried up to their necks in your back lawn?

Soccer practice!

When a door is not a door ?
When it is ajar.
Papo2228

Three men walk into a bar

Irish man:Oooohhh,mee eeed
English man:Butler,get me some Ice
Scottish man: A large whiskey please mayte

I found out today through my friends that Las Vegas is home to the world's largest strip club -- "Sapphire."

It has 70,000 feet and 400 topless dancers.

It's like Hooters meets Costco.

This is a really bad one

What do u call it when u slip on 1 banana then on another?

Any one?

Its called a pair of slippers hahahahahah baddest joke ever

What do you get when you cross a dog with a giraffe?






An animal that barks at planes

No, this one is much, much worse! If only for the pretense of learning and poor quality of the pun.

What's that old Hindu cowboy song?
Ohm, ohm on the range.

Found a couple more recently..

What do you get when Steve Jobs hires and fires a lot of people in six months?
An Apple turnover.


It is not a well known fact, but soccer was very popular in ancient Rome. The Coliseum was used for matches. There was a big match planned for one Saturday, and three famous Romans arranged to meet at the Coliseum to see the match (Rome vs. Naples). When the day came, Caesar and Cassius met in their favorite bar, but there was no sign of their friend Brutus. So shortly before the kick-off, they gave up and went to their reserved seats to watch the game.

At half time, Brutus finally arrived "Sorry I'm late," he said. "The wheel came off the chariot, and I couldn't get it fixed. How's the game going?"

"It's been a fantastic game so far," Caesar replied.

"What's the score, then?"

"Eight-two, Brutus."

A man with a cucumber in his ear, a carrot in his nose, and a tomato in his eye walks into the doctor's office. He says, "Doc, I'm not feeling well. What's wrong with me?"

The doctor says, "First of all, you're not eating right...."

You know sometimes I get the sudden urge to run around naked. But then I just drink some Windex. It keeps me from streaking

Oh, Lord. That was so horrible, it was good. Major-league groaner.

What happened to the sailors when a red ship crashed into a blue ship???

They got marooned!

What do you call a Chinese woman with one leg?

Irene.

Here's one for the Dell haters...

A man walks into a public place carrying a laptop, and leaves it on a bench. He is later accused of being a terrorist. Why?

The laptop was a Dell...Dells blow up.

A man went to see his Doctor with a large fish on his head. The doctor asks "What can I do for you?", the man replies,"It's about this terrible head hake."

Great Good Groaner rmg --

But, I don't get the Dell one.....

Oh, I think there was a thing in the news a while back about a few faulty Dells blowing up in user's laps.

What did the letter O say to the number 8?


Nice belt.



Which composer is loved by chickens?


Bach, Bach, Bach, Bach.

What do you call a man sitting on an oil rig?

Derek.

Two elephants walk off a cliff...boom, boom!

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.

Did you hear that noise this morning? I thought it was the break of day, but no, it was the crack of dawn!

Did you hear about the concert cellist who liked rap music?

His name was "Yo Yo Ma Ma"!

Did you hear about the taxidermist who decided against running for Mayor?

Too many skeletons in the closet...

Why was 6 sad. Because 7 8 9

Some truly horrible jokes coming right up...

Why did the cell cross the microscope?

To get to the other slide.


Teacher: Who invented fractions?

Student: Henry the Eighth