And the one in use last week (but now out of date): I am not here but if you leave a message on my answerphone I will read it in the News of the World.

There's an updated version of that one: "I'm not here right now but if you leave a message Rebekah will get back to me."

"I am not here but if you leave a message on my answerphone I will read it in the News of the World."

Very funny! (lol)

For Mary select mailbox 1; for Jack select mailbox 2; for Jerry select mailbox 3; for Arthur select mailbox 4; for Mike D select mailbox 5; for Mikey K select mailbox 6; for anyone else not me select mailbox 7; for me selecbeep

I had an answering machine message that went like this.

My machine comes on..

I have said ~ "Hello"

The person usually responds "Hi or Hello", then starts talking.

I've waited a few seconds and said, "Could you please speak up a little, I can't hear you."

Most people raised their voices and started repeating their message.

I waited a few more seconds and said, "Sorry about this, but could you PLEASE talk louder. I just can't hear you."

The caller, a little frustrated starts to repeat their message again talking much louder than previously.

Again I have recorded, "Hey, I still can't quite hear you. You have to speak LOUDER!"

By now, the caller is upset and would repeat their message again, almost at a yelling level now. If they haven't hung up due to frustration, they then get the message in a jovial tone, "OK OK! You don't have to yell. It's only an answering machine anyway. Just leave your name and number and I'll get back to you. Thanks for calling."

It kept telemarketers from bugging me but nearly cost me a few good friends and teed off a lot of others, but I thought it was funny and clever.

I seem to have lost my sense of humor. If you have found it and are calling to get it back to its proper owner, please leave a message after the end of your call. Thank you.