OK,OK, perhaps my comments were a bit premature, based on rumor instead of truth; I’m willing to acknowledge my error. I just found it hard to believe that my fellow FunTrivialites, usually such a practical and logical lot, would spend dollars, Euros, rubles, and other hard earned currencies on such a thing as QVC. That’s internetese for Quality, Value, Convenience. I assumed that this was a way to get rid of a bunch of junk. A conclusion never confirmed by watching; just by rumor. Then my sisters each told me that they shop QVC and have been very satisfied with their purchases. Then I noticed that Joan Rivers, Marie Osmond, Bob Mackie and several other B list celebrities endorse products. I decided to tune in.

The segment I joined was gold jewelry. And I’m talking jewelry. They had something to clamp, insert and screw on every part of the female anatomy. This anatomy lesson was presided over by a pleasant looking woman who never stopped smiling. Well, when you’ve teeth like the keys on a baby grand I guess you can’t help smiling. Anyway, she spent 18 minutes describing a plain gold bracelet, and another 15 minutes describing matching earrings. I was almost comatose when a guy with an excess of personality screamed into his microphone, “WELCOME TO NATIVE AMERICA!!!” I almost stood up and saluted.. He was practically orgasmic over a collection of “SOUTHWEST AMERICAN NATIVE JEWELRY” which was some of the ugliest stuff I’ve ever seen but with prices containing way too many digits. It was huge wads of turquoise connected together by big expanses of solid gold chains. It looked like stuff you’d buy for a Halloween costume or if bondage is your favorite passtime; prices started at $300! He kept reminding us of the “Marie Osmond and her doll collection coming up next”, and proceeded to describe this month’s special doll, Little Miss Fluffy Puss. By this time, though, I was exhausted so I missed Marie and her fluffy puss.

By far an away my favorite segment was on when I reconnected with QVC after a food break; this is addictive, I had to admit. Not necessarily pleasant but addictive.. Before me was ‘Colorful Closeouts’ in all its former glory. What made this segment enjoyable was the hostesses who obviously enjoyed teasing and kidding one another and it was contagious. Never did they kid or tease about the closeout items they were selling. I was paging through a magazine and glanced at the TV when I heard hostess laughter or an interesting item. A glance at the TV showed a hostess showing the different colors the bedspreads came in, and , breathing heavily, managed to hoist a spread down to show us ‘paprika’ that, to the rest of the world, was orange. Additional spreads were hoisted down as different colors were mentioned and the hostess performing this burdensome task had replaced laughter with wheezing. Finally the last color was mentioned (‘Jamaican Mocha’ meaning ‘brown’) and the hostess who did all of the color lifting appeared unsteady on her feet. How stupid to have bedspreads on hangers I thought, then listened while the talking hostess shot a glance at the poor petite power lifting hostess who slowly got up and staggered over to the rack again. It was time to go over sizes and pricing. “And we’ve provided an ‘easy pay’ plan for the first time on all of these lovely Suzette of Seattle creations,” the hostess enthused and nodded at her partner who slowly lifted her arms to begin showing the enormous creations again... “ Number 4522396 is available in heliotrope, periwinkle, cinnamon and blueberry in sizes 3X, 4X and 5X only. Bless her heart, the petite wheezer did her best to whip out the colors as they were read and to keep up, but it was just too much for her. Then I looked more carefully and saw that the bedspreads had arms. They weren’t bedspreads, they were pant suits. Big pant suits. Really big pant suits. The sitting, speaking hostess made an attempt at humor but all her hard working partner could do was shake her head. The entire collection was creations that were 3X to 6X in size.. The 5X and 6X contained too much material and had to be shoved and pushed into the hanger before being placed on the rack that was sagging in the middle. “Guess what, Sally?” the sitting hostess sang. “Sales tells me that over 500 of 4522396 were sold in the first 5 minutes on the air.” Sally produced a weak smile and pretended to clap her hands but her arms were too tired. To add some diversion, the sitting hostess detailed some of Suzette’s savvy style secrets sewn specially for the ‘plus size’ woman. It seems that Suzette creates her skirts with a slight rise of the fabric in front, complemented by a ruffle, for those times when the plus size lady feels “naughty and frisky.”

I had to stop watching QVC. After a while it gets boring and everyone is so, well, nice. And Marie Osmond isn’t all that charming at 2am. I use my computer to browse and shop. And I do it when I feel like it. I‘m very happy with the few items I’ve purchased, all of which appear on this page:

http://www.qvc.com/cgen/render.aspx?qp=c..._-SWEETSDESERTS

I’m hoping that Suzette comes out with a line of men’s separates, minus the ruffle, Any more of Paula Dean’s gooey butter cakes and I’ll be QVC’s first ‘plus size’ male model.

So, fellow FunTrivialites, my apologies. You were right and I was wrong.

You know I was victim to this show/channel at one time too. Since I'm a night-owl I used to surf TV channels (back before there were a mere thousand to choose from) and inevitably ended up there too. I fell under the spell of purses and cleaning products, crystal bird designs and self-cleaning litter boxes. Who wouldn't need a self-adhesive rolling mop? I found myself intoxicated by their usefulness and beauty showcased under bright lights and endorsed by testimonials from fellow night-owls/suckers, promptly calling in with my Visa digits and waiting with anticipation for my products to arrive. The litter box is now gone, the rolling mop is long gone, the purse was returned for being too fancy for everyday use (plus, it wasn't nearly as charming under my bland flourescent bulbs). The only thing that's lasted is the Murano glass parrot which still sits perched in my china cabinet, a reminder of an addiction that wasn't all bad. Now that my DVR offers password protected channel-blocking I've been able to wean myself from its grip, even if there's a Suzanne Somers Diet book segment. Thank you Vendome for sharing your journey, glad you survived the experience with your wallet intact!

I once ordered collector Barbie Dolls and Precious Moments. Thay were Today's Special. Got them at a great price. I think I actually have a QVC membership card..

My Mom and Mother-In-Law are QVC Junkies!!! My Mom has been watching since day 1. My Mom lives in PA found out about their QVC Outlet Stores, so instead of buying on-air, she goes to the store and REALLY gets fantastic deals. They do have outlet stores in VA and DE. So if any of you are lucky enough to live near one you will be PLEASANTLY surprised how good of a deal one can really get!! If Jewelry is your thing..oh my what deals they have...up to 70% off the ON-AIR price. My Mother-In-Law is homebound and has never been to an outlet store, but I told her to write down Item #'s and when my Mom goes she can see if that item is in stock. The Outlet stores are of ALL the items that people return or they do not have a sufficient quantity to sell on-air.

I have rambled on enough..Happy QVCing all!!!