Here is a story that says the boyfriend has been charged for mistreating a dependent adult.

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But this guy sounds sociopathic and probably dangerous. The woman sounds very troubled. The dude sounds like the type of miscreant who is very, very comfortable in making bad/tragic situations worse. Ugh.

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Maybe it's just my background and I'm misreading things, but I'm not getting that vibe, myself. What I'm seeing is one big 'ol enabler. Have you ever known a couple who were both drug addicts? Or one who is and their partner who is not but has other confidence or security issues or something of the sort? Some people just aren't equipped to handle extreme behavior and just feed into it, thinking they're doing the right thing by 'helping' their loved one do what they think they need to, like hiding in a bathroom for a year. They only want to help and don't want to risk losing their relationship or love, especially if they are the kind of person that doesn't really make friends well.

But I have no idea--that's just the read I get from it, drawing from my own past experiences.

You make a good point, Taesma. One I hadn't considered without getting my hackles up, quite frankly (for some reason, this story makes me feel blindly bad for the woman and rather blindly angry at the 'boyfriend'). There must be a LOT more to the tale. But I do think, if it is an *enabler* situation, it is one that exceeds any justification available by using the word *enable* as a sensible reason for it. Meaning that, pretty much, almost ALL interpersonal relationships have an element of enabling/codependence, etc. in them (in my opinion). Most of us know where a so-called "normal" amount of that is properly placed and usually where the limit(s) are properly set. It doesn't sound, to me, that this fellow gets the "limits" parts, whatever he comes up with. If he is, in fact, an enabler to such a degree, he really needs to be made aware that it ain't a legal defense AND that many a crime worse than this has been committed in the course of one person enabling the frailties of another.

But, all that aside, you're right. The guy might be far more misled than he is premeditaded and corrupt. I wrongly jumped to the conclusion that he was some psycho evilnik (which makes no sense - it doesn't look like he had a whole lot to gain by derailing this woman's safety in terms of his own personal gain, or anything).

I wonder how long they were together/emotionally connected "pre-toilet"? Might be illuminating to discover. Good Lord ... where and how did those two meet up to begin with ?

I thought I read that they had been together 16 years, I'll have to go back and re-read the original article though. Maybe she's done this sort of thing before and come around on her own but this time she stayed in there longer and got sick. Time will tell as the story unfolds, I wonder what her family has to say about all of this.

Some of the woman's family members have begun to comment

Family members speak

As well as some in the community

Other comments

She does appear to be mentally retarded and to have psychiatric problems as well. She may well have been receiving disabilty payments which might have accounted for at least a part of the couple's income, and been one reason why her boyfriend did not call for help sooner. At the moment, she does not appear to be legally competent. A reasonable question would be whether she really needed a legal guardian appointed, a long time ago, to manage her affairs for her. The state cannot allow a "dependent adult" to just fend for herself, they should bear some responsibility in this situation as well. If she was receiving disability payments, they should have made some determination of her competency.

I doubt that her boyfriend is in much better shape than she is. I suspect that his level of intellectual functioning, and/or his psychiatric problems, will be part of his defense against the neglect charges. I am sure that more background info will begin coming out when the case goes to court next month.

I only wish that this situation seemed incredible to me, but, sadly enough, I've seen or heard of several living situations with mentally ill people who are dependent upon state benefits to live and who occasionally perform acts of incredibly odd behavior.

Taesma and I live in the same area and I'm sure we've both seen a couple of people in our own area living in circumstances that are truly appalling yet, there often isn't much of an alternative. If a person like this ends up with a 'co dependent' who enables them..and a social worker never intervenes, it could happen.

My sister is a caretaker for a person like this but she fortunately has a handful of relatives who try their best to intervene when things get bad. (My sister is a relative too). Not all of them have given up on her even when she acts out by calling people up with insane accusations. When she was still mobile, she would do even worse things.
if she were to fall in with a partner who used her benefits or enabled her in her behavior, it could probably happen!
If she did not have caretakers, or the state benefits, she would end up on the street.

I'm afraid that this case, instead of being just one of those 'odd news' items, illustrates a world where one's day might be spent isolated with a person who was probably just about as disturbed as she was.

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I only wish that this situation seemed incredible to me, but, sadly enough, I've seen or heard of several living situations with mentally ill people who are dependent upon state benefits to live and who occasionally perform acts of incredibly odd behavior.

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I have to admit this situation seemed impossible to me at first, and I was suspicious of the details - or lack of them, that is. Now I understand that 'sitting on the toilet for two years' has to be a rhetorical statement. Maybe she really didn't come out of the bathroom- but if she hadn't moved about at least long enough to let some light and air into the bowl, she would've been dead of some rampant staff infection or something equally horrible -right?

Now that most of the blanks have been filled in, it merely seems tragic that some folks are isolated enough from society that this sort of thing could turn out to be true.

Compare this story with http://www.nbc5.com/news/3646642/detail.html
In some ways this case was worse. This was also addressed in one episode of Nip/tuck (1st episode, 3rd season) "Momma Boone"- )
One thing to bear in mind is the situation doesn't happen over night but develops over a period of time and the caretakers aren't interested in control but feel helpless in changing the behaviour. Ever tried persuading a loved one to quite smoking/lose weight or anything else healthy they really don't want to do? Fears and other circumstances can make it worse. I'm sure the tragic story of Laverne Grinds and this lady in the bathroom are the tip of the iceberg.

If you haven't already, watch 'What's eating Gilbert Grape?'