Here's my conundrum- a person who I'm vaguely familiar with calls the other day asking for a favor, it wasn't a big one so no harm done. Through the call he asks for my mailing address so that he's able to send me a wedding invitation to his daughter's affair. I've met the daughter a few times and I haven't seen her in over four years I imagine and there was even less connection with her. Here's the kicker- I live in Israel and the wedding is in America. There's no chance I'll even be in the state there in even if I were there and I certainly would not attend even if I were. I think this person is fishing for gifts because it's quite obvious I'm not going to attend this function. The thing is it has made me mad I think it rude and a bit gold digging on his part to do such a thing and I've thought of addressing it as such however maybe I'm wrong and I'm looking for an objective thought on the matter.

Well, etiquette is all about manners and if you feel that this man is only fishing for gifts, then that's ill-mannered and I see no need for you to feel obligated to send a gift on such a slight acquaintance. If I were in your shoes, I would wait to see if the promised invitation arrived. If it did, I would send a polite note stating my inability to accept, along with a card of congratulations, and leave it at that.

Oh exactly my reaction Mother Goose! Sending a card would show that you are not as ill mannered and crass as the guy shows himself to be.

That certainly would be a polite response. I thought of not responding at all and them figure it out of how absurd it was from the start but that will probably with be over looked.

Sometimes the announcement is fishing for gifts, sometimes it's just a way of letting you know what's happening, and that they are thinking of you and would like to have you there, even though everyone knows it's not practical. Luckily, the correct etiquette response is the same, either way.

Send a card, and if you really *want* to send a gift, send one. If you don't want to, you are not obligated to in any way.

There's been a lot of this in the Miss Manners columns here recently.

The general rule of thumb is to send a card of congratulations. Sometimes the invites are money-grabbing and sometimes it's simply people wanting to announce their child is getting married. My parents invited a bunch of people from church I wasn't really really close to, but whom my parents were close to... For me, I did get a few cards w/o anything in them and that was fine with me - I was happy that I had so many people to share my day with me and I did send everyone a thank you card for coming to the wedding (and also to those who sent a card). (And yes, we did thank everyone as we went around to the tables and such!)