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#495556 - Mon Sep 07 2009 09:23 PM Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14384
Loc: Australia
My lad was playing in the dirt the other day and looked down between his feet and said

"hey Mum, what do you call those things that look like a crab but have a sting on their tails .. is it a scorpion?"

LOL why yes it is a scorpion! Flew over there and disposed of it. They aren't deadly here but they'll give you something to think about if they sting you.

Then a nights ago I was laying in his bed reading a story when he looked over at his bedside table (right next to my head) and said "You don't like spiders, do you?" I slowly turned my head then quickly leapt to the other side of the room. *sheesh*.

On a lighter, grosser, non-insecty note he looked at me this morning and said "Mum, look how far I can blow the snot out of my nose."

LOL I could cheerfully strangle him some days!

SO what have your kids come out with that you would prefer not to hear them say?

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#495557 - Mon Sep 07 2009 10:42 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
wayman71 Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Wed Jul 23 2008
Posts: 140
Loc: Hamler OhioUSA
"I'm pregnant" tops my list.
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"I have always imagined that paradise will be a kind of library." - Jorge Luis Borges

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#495558 - Mon Sep 07 2009 10:43 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
asgardshill Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Sat Aug 15 2009
Posts: 102
Loc: Texas USA
Some classics from my past:

I didn't do it! A bird must have hit it!
(All the broken glass was outside, and the only bird in the house was in the freezer for Thanksgiving dinner.)

Dad, can you help me with my science fair project? When is it due? Tomorrow.
(A papier-mache volcano takes forever to dry. Mount Vesuvius was suspiciously damp on one side but still took third place.)

Dad, do you remember that old baseball card you used to have?
(Yup, a Topps 1952 Mickey Mantle, in mint condition. She knocked over a Coke on my desk and it leaked inside the drawer where I had it. A good one brought over a quarter of a million dollars at auction recently.)

Daddy, who do you love more - Mommy or me?
(A no-win scenario. You cannot successfully answer that question.)

Daddy, this is Killer. We HAVE to get married.
(Her idea of a funny joke, but I still almost had a MI right there in front of her. "Killer" was dressed the part too - shaved head, Doc Martens, ear and nose piercings, tattoos covering both arms ...)

Dad, its for you! It's the police!
(Asking for donations to the Police Athletic League. But this was 3 days after the crunched car door incident, so I feared the worst.)

Daddy, I'm home! And the car's OK ... kinda.
(Of course I had to use the passenger door to get in and out until the body shop could make the repairs ...)

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#495559 - Tue Sep 08 2009 05:41 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
PurpleFan Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Fri Oct 22 1999
Posts: 2249
Loc: New Westminster BCCanada
Oh my goodness I had tears of laughter running down my face after reading your post Jillian.

Who but a little boy would think blowing his nose like that was a brilliant thing to do.

He can brag to all of his buddies how far he can blow it. haahaahah

Even Brother Chic got a chuckle out of your post.
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All Things Purple Are Relative!

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#495560 - Tue Sep 08 2009 11:13 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
veronikkamarrz Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Thu Dec 28 2006
Posts: 930
Loc: Carson City
NevadaUSA
asgardshill, that is some list! Too funny! Don't think I could top it...
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#495561 - Tue Sep 08 2009 09:18 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12428
Loc: Kowloon Tong HongKong
I used to get so incensed by the things my daughter said that her little sister was doing, that I said (and I can hear myself now):
"Go and see what Emma is doing in the living room and tell her not to."
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Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

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#495562 - Wed Sep 09 2009 01:57 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
MomOf2 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Tue Dec 09 2008
Posts: 872
Loc: Abu Dhabi UnitedArabEmirates
My 6 year old daughter commented as she watched me exiting the shower-- Mommy look how big your bum is! It is really huge!

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#495563 - Wed Sep 09 2009 01:59 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
MadMags Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat May 03 2008
Posts: 17092
Loc: Orosi CostaRica
!!! rofl !!! The little darling...
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A smile is a curved line that sets things straight. ~ Anon.

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#495564 - Wed Sep 09 2009 02:53 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
Lones78 Offline
Prolific

Registered: Mon Apr 27 2009
Posts: 1498
Loc: Forrestfield Western�Austral...
This reminds me of my (then) 6 year old letting me know how my bum wobbles when he smacks it!
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In the process of thinking up something deep and meaningful to have as a signature line... grin

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#495565 - Wed Sep 09 2009 04:28 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
Copago Offline
Moderator

Registered: Tue May 15 2001
Posts: 14384
Loc: Australia
Kids are just brutally honest, aren't they?
Little devils!

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#495566 - Wed Sep 09 2009 04:46 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
theresam55 Offline
Explorer

Registered: Fri Apr 20 2007
Posts: 91
Loc: Pennsylvania USA
Last week I was coloring my hair at home, to cover the grey. And my 4year old daughter asked me if I was trying to trick people into thinking I wasn't old. Not something this mom wants to hear 5 weeks before my 40th birthday.

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#495567 - Wed Sep 09 2009 08:43 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
MadMags Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat May 03 2008
Posts: 17092
Loc: Orosi CostaRica
You really need to be careful what you say around young kids, for as sure as the sun rises in the east, they will repeat it.

When my oldest son was about three, we were driving and a car cut in front of us very dangerously. I don't actually remember saying anything but I must have done, as a week later he demonstrated to me. I had slowed down, and waved a car which was waiting to make a left-hand turn into my lane, to go ahead of us. As the car turned in front of us, my son shook his fist, and yelled "A--hole!" My eyebrows must have lifted a good six inches.

Another time, we (my then-husband, actually) had a friend who constantly dropped in, drank all our beer, stayed all day, stayed for meals, and generally just about moved in with us, he was over so often. I saw him as a real mooch, and didn't care for his company, and told my husband as much. Anyway, one day he was over yet again, and my three year old daughter asked him, "Barry, what's a leech?" (I was horrified to hear her ask this.) He answered "Hmm, it's a type of sucker fish, why do you ask?" (I was even more horrified to hear his return question.) "Oh because Mom says you are a leech, that's all." I didn't know where to look.
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#495568 - Wed Sep 09 2009 09:13 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
Roofoo Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sat Jul 14 2007
Posts: 5426
Loc: Wisconsin USA
This from two nights ago...

7 year old boy runs into the room in hysterics, with both hands covering his left eye. He screeches, "Mom! Mom! My eye is BLEEDING... on the INSIDE!"

Instant panic sets in. My mind immediately conjures all sorts of grisly, terrifyingly gory, horrible images. Half expecting to see blood coming out in spurts from an empty eye socket when he removes his hands, or some such horror, I manage the words, "let me see it!"

When the hands are lowered, I can hardly believe what I am seeing. I'm seeing... It's... I don't see anything.

I can breathe again.

Boy closes eye to reveal a microscopic scratch that has very nearly drawn blood, just above the eyelid.

Turns out he was goofing off in the bedroom and hit his eye on the bedpost. I'm sure it hurt, somewhat, but oh, the drama! Kids.
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"Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter." - Master Yoda

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#495569 - Wed Sep 09 2009 10:35 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
MadMags Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat May 03 2008
Posts: 17092
Loc: Orosi CostaRica
Hahaha, Roofoo, that must have been good for at least a dozen grey hairs!

Asgardshill, I'm not sure which was the bigger heart stopper, the soggy baseball card or the idea of having someone named Killer as a son-in-law! All very funny, gave me a good laugh, thanks.
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A smile is a curved line that sets things straight. ~ Anon.

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#495570 - Wed Sep 09 2009 10:50 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
gillimalta Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Sat Apr 05 2008
Posts: 142
Loc: Ruthin, North Wales
My 4 year old son (catching me in the shower this morning)

"Momma, I hate your willy, it's yacky!"

Oh, the shame!
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#495571 - Wed Sep 09 2009 11:25 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
REDVIKING57 Offline
Participant

Registered: Thu Apr 24 2008
Posts: 33
Loc: Leicester EnglandUK
Quote:

My 4 year old son (catching me in the shower this morning)

"Momma, I hate your willy, it's yacky!"

Oh, the shame!




Oh,Dylan,you little scamp!

During a recent bout of illness,my 9 year old son looked at me struggling around and said: "Well,at least your hair still works,dad,even if everything else has stopped". Followed by a big hug,I didn't know wether to laugh or cry!
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In A Time Of Universal Deceit,Telling The Truth Is A Revolutionary Act - George Orwell.

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#495572 - Wed Sep 09 2009 11:55 AM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
lesley153 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Fri Sep 07 2007
Posts: 734
Loc: Bedford England�UK���...
Quote:

I didn't know where to look.



But did he stop calling? It would surely have been worth the embarrassment if you never saw him again?
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I appreciate people who are civil, whether they mean it or not. I think: Be civil. Do not cherish your opinion over my feelings. There's a vanity to candor that isn't really worth it. Be kind. ~ Richard Greenberg

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#495573 - Wed Sep 09 2009 12:29 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
MadMags Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat May 03 2008
Posts: 17092
Loc: Orosi CostaRica
Haa! If only I'd been so lucky! In fact, had it been that easy, I would have staged that whole scenario! He did finally quasi-disappear when we had an argument over his leaving his cigarette butts everywhere, and he called me a name that rhymes with witch - that was my excuse to ban him from my property. He still would visit, but stealthily, and only for short periods, and not in my presence.

edited to add: I had, of course, previously politely suggested to him several times that we were busy, and perhaps he should go home, etc.. but people like that never do...


Edited by MadMags (Wed Sep 09 2009 12:37 PM)
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A smile is a curved line that sets things straight. ~ Anon.

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#495574 - Wed Sep 09 2009 12:42 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
BurgGurl Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Dec 03 2003
Posts: 9455
Loc: Virginia USA
What my nine year old said last week in regard to the 'Tomb of the Unknown Soldier':

"....so all those guys are guarding some guy who's already dead and they can't even remember his name".
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#495575 - Wed Sep 09 2009 12:59 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
MotherGoose Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Mon Apr 22 2002
Posts: 4855
Loc: Western Australia
Quote:

When my oldest son was about three, we were driving and a car cut in front of us very dangerously. I don't actually remember saying anything but I must have done, as a week later he demonstrated to me. I had slowed down, and waved a car which was waiting to make a left-hand turn into my lane, to go ahead of us. As the car turned in front of us, my son shook his fist, and yelled "A--hole!" My eyebrows must have lifted a good six inches.






I have a friend Penny who is a very good, but very assertive, driver. One day, a car cut in front of us and my husband started to say something he shouldn't, remembered that our little girl was in the back seat, and changed it to a very sarcastic "Oh dear me, I do believe he made an error". And a little voice from the back seat said "Aunty Penny would call him an ********, Dad".

Coolcat90 dropped me in it many times when she was little.

My doctor loves to tell me dirty jokes when I visit him. One day I was there with my daughter and he started with one of his jokes and I said, warningly, "Geoff, little ears!" He said "It doesn't matter, she won't understand it". I said "But that won't stop her repeating it!" Can't you tell he has no children!

One time, I got a ticket for not coming to a complete stop at a stop sign. At this particular intersection, you can see clearly for miles, so if there is nothing coming, locals tend to slow down but not fully stop at the stop sign. I told my husband about the ticket but no-one else. Not long after, the whole family was gathered at my mother-in-law's house and we heard police sirens in the distance. My MIL said "Sounds like the police are after another one!" and little Miss pipes up and asks "Is Mummy getting another ticket?" So I had to confess to the whole family.
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#495576 - Wed Sep 09 2009 01:07 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
L_A_Best Offline
Explorer

Registered: Wed May 23 2007
Posts: 87
Loc: Cape Town SouthAfrica
I have no kids of my own but I do have a niece who is soon to be 4

In the shops recently she was telling everyone she met about the difference between girls and boys. (We've been teaching her about her body and who is allowed to touch her)

A couple of weeks ago my mom was talking none stop as usual and my niece walked over to her and told her "granny shut up, mommy says you talk too much and make a noise."

During a visit with several friends she climbed on my lap, pulled open the neckline of my t-shirt, looked down it and told me that her daddy says my breasts are bigger than her mommy's.

She's also learnt Bruce Willis' saying from the Die Hard movies and she can repeat the words perfectly.

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#495577 - Wed Sep 09 2009 01:45 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
sue943 Offline
Administrator

Registered: Sun Dec 19 1999
Posts: 37390
Loc: Jersey
ChannelIslands
My daughter didn't used to mention boyfriends that she met at uni so I was a bit concerned when she phoned me to tell me that she had a new boyfriend.

"He is a six foot skinhead with two earrings in one ear", I gulped and managed to say "Does he have love and hate tattoed on his knuckles?".

No tattooes and he is now my son-in-law.
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Many a child has been spoiled because you can't spank a Grandma!

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#495578 - Wed Sep 09 2009 03:06 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
Anton Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Sat May 03 2008
Posts: 926
Loc: California USA
Quote:


Dad, do you remember that old baseball card you used to have?
(Yup, a Topps 1952 Mickey Mantle, in mint condition. She knocked over a Coke on my desk and it leaked inside the drawer where I had it. A good one brought over a quarter of a million dollars at auction recently.)




You had that card in a drawer? That's it?! No offense intended, but you deserved to lose that card. lol

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#495579 - Wed Sep 09 2009 03:57 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
lesley153 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Fri Sep 07 2007
Posts: 734
Loc: Bedford England�UK���...
Quote:

He still would visit, but stealthily, and only for short periods, and not in my presence.



Sounds like a result if it cut down the amount of time he spent filling your house with his smoke, and reduced the number of meals he scrounged.

Does it also help to explain why the person who introduced him to you is your "then-husband" and not simply your husband?

Quote:

but people like that never do...



No, they don't. People like that are usually too busy thinking about what they want, to respond to polite suggestions and gentle hints. At the beginning of this year, I got rid of an astonishingly self-absorbed regular caller, who had spent ten years treating my house like a drop-in centre. He stopped calling when I finally snapped and told him to go away.*

*Translated from the Anglo-Saxon.
_________________________
I appreciate people who are civil, whether they mean it or not. I think: Be civil. Do not cherish your opinion over my feelings. There's a vanity to candor that isn't really worth it. Be kind. ~ Richard Greenberg

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#495580 - Wed Sep 09 2009 04:32 PM Re: Things you don't want to hear your kids say ...
asgardshill Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Sat Aug 15 2009
Posts: 102
Loc: Texas USA
Quote:

You had that card in a drawer? That's it?! No offense intended, but you deserved to lose that card.




In a locked drawer, inside one of those plastic sleeves that just happened to have a small imperfection along the bottom seam. Just enough to let the sugary goop soak inside. I was out of town on business that entire week, so the little River Styx of spilled Coke inside the drawer had 3 days to work its evil on my defenseless card.

Yes, a safe deposit box might have been a wiser choice. But those aren't always waterproof either, banks burn down, get robbed, et al.

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