“Good morning, Mr. Davenport.” Oh no, I thought. It’s her. It’s like she’s stalking me. And she seems to enjoy it. “Hi Kath,” I muttered as I passed her by. I wound up dragging Isis, not walking him. I could swear that she had a smirk and a giggle every time she saw me. The brat. And she used to be such a sweet kid, respectful and polite. Good parents. Good neighbors. Something obviously went wrong somewhere.
I was well on my way to recovering in the hospital from an infection. And was hoping to go home the next day. “Well hello, Mr. Davenport, how are you feeling?” It was Joan Mount, the Assistant Director of Chester County Hospital’s School of Nursing. We once worked for the same hospital but Joan decided to make nursing instruction her career. I knew her to be an excellent nurse, a no nonsense all business angel of mercy. She still wore the starched white uniform from the fifties and the funny little hat. We exchanged pleasantries and then Joan got down to business after I insisted she call me Rich. “I remember how helpful you were to nursing at Paoli Memorial. You never refused our requests to help the staff understand finance, admissions and any number of important topics,” she continued. “ I wonder if I could impose upon you again. This is the last in-hospital day for our new nursing students and we’re rushing to complete the requirements. Would you help us?”. I assured Joan that of course I would help; she was doing wonders for my ego. Joan said that there were a total of seventeen nurses and they would stop by my room at 1:00pm I made a few notes about hospital finance; I had done this so many times I could do it in my sleep, I did an extra close shave, splashed on some after shave, and combed my hair so that I would look presentable.
The group was a bit early and we waited until Joan arrived. Joan rushed in. Pushing a cart.. With jars full of white stuff and cloths and towels. “What’s that”? I asked. Joan pointed and two students began tucking a rubber mat under me..”What are you doing”? “Stop that” my voice shaking and increasing in volume..”I was sure you said you’d help us,” Joan countered. ”I did,” I said. “With finance. What’s all this”? Joan look pained. “The hospital limits the number of days the students can actually work with patients and most patients don’t want to participate,” Joan looked defeated. “And today is the last in hospital day allocated until after Christmas. These students will have graduation delayed if we can’t convince administration to give us another day. And they’ve never done that.” I looked around the room and, in the back, was Kathy, my neighbor, looking close to tears. Even the guys looked upset. “Well, what do you plan on doing to me?” I almost whimpered. “Bed bath”, Joan replied. “Oh no. No way. I’d rather you did surgery..” At this point, Joan looked furious, two of the girls were crying, one asked Joan with quivering voice,”what will happen to us, Mrs. Mount?” I was thoroughly exhausted from stress. Joan’s attempts to remain friendly were crumbling and the students pitiful whining was getting on my nerves. “OK, OK, I’ll do it. But I want lots of bubbles. And close your eyes. And don’t look at me. And I took a shower this morning so I’m already clean so don’t touch me a lot.”
As four wet sponges slid across my chest, I took the bed pillow out of the case and put the case on my head.. And I cursed my stupidity for not buying the AbPro, that promises to build up your abs, harden your deltoids, and do something to your gluts. I don’t know what or where gluts are, but I should have done something to them; they sound important.
As one of the guys removed the rubber mat, he said to his fellow student “Well, the constitution is wrong. All men are NOT created equal”
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I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.
Yogi Berra
A Little Knowledge Is A Dangerous Thing
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