Due to a water shortage in Ireland, Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.


Thank you.

Nice one. Here's another.


Paddy goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy" he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says "It seems calm enough to me".
Paddy says, "I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet".

C'mere. There's more:

Paddy the Englishman, Paddy the Irishman and Paddy the Scotsman all went to a hotel.
"There's only one room left, and its on the top floor, which is 90 floors up but the lift is broken, so you'll have to take the stairs", said the receptionist.

They took the room and went up the stairs.

When they got to the 30th floor Paddy the Englishman told a really sad story.

A little while later when they got to the 60th floor Paddy the Scotsman told an even sadder story.

And finally, when they reached the top floor, Paddy the Irishman told the saddest story ever... "I've left the keys on the reception desk..."

Paddy lost his dog and was distraught! Morag, his wife, suggested that he put an ad in the local paper, which he did.

After two weeks, there was no response at all, so Morag asked him what he wrote in the ad.

Paddy said "Here, Boy!".