Thursday's jokes on Friday or making up for lost time..!!
Devil
The Devil walks into a crowded bar. When the people see who it is,they all run out except this one old man. So the devil walks up to him and says" Do you know who I am?" and the old man sips his beer and answers "yep".
The Devil says "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?"
The old man looks over and says "I've been married to your sister for 27 years, why the hell should I be scared of you."
Breakfast
The angry wife met her husband at the door. There was alcohol on his breath and lipstick on his collar.
"I assume," she snarled, "that there is a very good reason for you to come waltzing in here at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is," he replied. "Breakfast."
Octopus
A guy walks into a bar with an octopus on his shoulder and tells the bartender that his octopus is a musical genius. "I'll bet you $10 he can play any instrument."
The bartender pulls out an electric guitar from behind the bar and says, "Well lets see him play this guitar."
The octopus takes the guitar and starts playing just like Jimi Hendrix. The patron pockets the $10.
Next the bartender pulls out a trumpet, the octopus grabs it and his playing would make Dizzie Gillespie proud. ...$10 later.
Now the bartender pulls out bagpipes from behind the bar and gives them to the octopus.
The octopus starts fumbling with them for a moment, and the bartender says "I think we stumped him, he can't play those!"
The octopus retorts: "Play them ?! As soon as I can figure out how to get these pyjamas off I'm gonna' boink them!"
Bad Date
A guy walks into a bar, sits down, and orders a beer. After he finished the beer, he sits the empty bottle in front of him and orders another beer. He takes that beer and pours it on his hand. He does this two or three times.
Finally the bartender comes up to him and asks why he keeps pouring beer on his hand.
The guy says, "I got to get my date drunk before I go home!"
Beer Bottles
Three guys are riding in their truck, drinking beer, having a good ol' time. The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing lights of a police car so he pulls over.
The other two are real nervous, "What do we do with our beers?
We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says, "just do this: pull the label off of your beer bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking."
So they all pull the labels off their beer bottles and stick 'em to their foreheads.
The policeman walks up and says, "You boys were swerving down the road. Have you been drinking?"
The driver says, "Oh, no officer," and points to his forehead, "we're on the patch, trying to quit."
