Rules
Terms of Use

Page 1 of 2 1 2 >
Topic Options
#671366 - Fri Dec 02 2011 06:24 PM Funny Headlines
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12431
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
Lost puffin found at Winchester hospital sex clinic.
Any comment?
Or any other headlines that made you wonder...?


Edited by ren33 (Fri Dec 02 2011 06:26 PM)
_________________________
Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

Top
#671394 - Sat Dec 03 2011 02:22 AM Re: Funny Headlines
Tizzabelle Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sun Jan 17 2010
Posts: 2507
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia         
Hospitals can be like a rabbit warren to those that don't know them. Which clinic was the penguin really looking for? Puffin? Maybe he needed the respiratory clinic wink
_________________________
A platypus lays eggs and produces milk - it can make its own custard wink

Top
#671466 - Sat Dec 03 2011 03:03 PM Re: Funny Headlines
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12431
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
One I recall from ages ago:
There was a picture of Edward Heath paddling in the sea at Hastings or somewhere.He is facing away from the camera and looking downwards.
Underneath is the heading from another item "Mine Explodes"!!
_________________________
Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

Top
#671490 - Sat Dec 03 2011 05:22 PM Re: Funny Headlines
flopsymopsy Offline

Administrator

Registered: Sat May 17 2008
Posts: 4622
Loc: Northampton England UK
I still love the old classic from The Times:

"Fog in Channel, Europe isolated"
_________________________
The Hubble Telescope has just picked up a sound from a fraction of a second before the Big Bang. The sound was "Uh oh".

Top
#671529 - Sun Dec 04 2011 10:52 AM Re: Funny Headlines
Tizzabelle Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sun Jan 17 2010
Posts: 2507
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia         
That is a great headline. laugh How delightfully Anglocentric wink
_________________________
A platypus lays eggs and produces milk - it can make its own custard wink

Top
#671573 - Sun Dec 04 2011 07:27 PM Re: Funny Headlines
George95 Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sat Apr 24 2010
Posts: 9969
Loc: Ontario Canada
I remember this seeing this one, forget where though.

"Iraqi head seeks arms"

wink

Top
#673732 - Fri Dec 16 2011 12:54 AM Re: Funny Headlines
Jakeroo Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sat Aug 30 2008
Posts: 2064
Loc: Alberta Canada
"Red tape holds up new bridge"

(well, it might be colourful, but I'm not driving on it)
_________________________
Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense
- Gertrude Stein


Top
#673733 - Fri Dec 16 2011 01:25 AM Re: Funny Headlines
Tizzabelle Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Sun Jan 17 2010
Posts: 2507
Loc: Sydney NSW Australia         
This was a headline only because of the person who said it.. a US Senator. I heartily agree with her though! wink

"Statistics show that teen pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25"
_________________________
A platypus lays eggs and produces milk - it can make its own custard wink

Top
#675142 - Fri Dec 23 2011 12:53 AM Re: Funny Headlines
anushka Offline
Participant

Registered: Fri Sep 09 2011
Posts: 5
Originally Posted By: Tizzabelle
Hospitals can be like a rabbit warren to those that don't know them. Which clinic was the penguin really looking for? Puffin? Maybe he needed the respiratory clinic wink


ha ha ha
really funny one
thanks for share

Top
#675791 - Tue Dec 27 2011 08:08 AM Re: Funny Headlines
mountaingoat Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Fri Jun 22 2007
Posts: 390
Loc: Blue Mountains NSW Australia
Cash beats a check. Was the headline when Pat Cash beat a check player in a tennis match.

Top
#677280 - Mon Jan 02 2012 07:09 AM Re: Funny Headlines
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1825
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Here are some:

"Kids Make Nutritious Snacks"

"Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says"

Seems obvious, but wait…..when they looked into it further it all became much clearer:

"Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told"

"Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide"

Makes you feel safe being protected by such insightful people, doesn’t it? It’s OK, if the cops don’t get you, the Courts will:

"Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant"

"F-word wasn't funny"
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

Top
#677519 - Mon Jan 02 2012 10:09 PM Re: Funny Headlines
tezza1551 Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Tue Feb 05 2008
Posts: 439
Loc: Western Australia
Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter
This one was caught in the SGV Tribune the other day and someone called the Editorial Room and asked who wrote this. It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers
Now that's taking things a bit far!

-----------------------------------------------------------
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
What a guy!
---------------------------------------------------------------
Miners Refuse to Work after Death
No-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's!
------------------------------------------------------

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
See if that works any better than a fair trial!
----------------------------------------------------------

War Dims Hope for Peace
I can see where it might have that effect!
_________________________
“Life is not a journey to the grave with intentions of arriving safely in a pretty well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming ... WOW! What a ride!”

Top
#677557 - Tue Jan 03 2012 05:25 AM Re: Funny Headlines
surdoux Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Wed Feb 17 2010
Posts: 294
Loc: Nottinghamshire England UK    
In a Outdoor and Camping shop window one Autumn Sales. ‘Now is the discount of our Winter tents’.
_________________________
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Top
#677890 - Tue Jan 03 2012 07:18 PM Re: Funny Headlines
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12431
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
Oh Surdoux, I LOVE that! So clever!
_________________________
Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

Top
#677899 - Tue Jan 03 2012 09:21 PM Re: Funny Headlines
DivineMsDRL Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Mon Jul 07 2008
Posts: 180
Loc: Okotoks Alberta Canada       
I work seasonal at a garden centre. One of the adverts says, "It's spring, we are so happy we are wetting our plants".
_________________________
I know I'm in my own little world, but it's ok. They all know me here.

Top
#683439 - Tue Jan 24 2012 05:34 AM Re: Funny Headlines
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1825
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Moving along with the shop sign theme, the following is a true story.

I once worked in a railway yard that was the size of a small European country. It had railway tracks going to many places within the yard, going to open areas that were once used to work on train carriages.

In one of the mostly deserted areas in the middle of the yards was a small workshop I had to paint. One lunch hour, I wandered off to look around and that's where I found the sign that made me laugh more than any other.

I kid you not, there in a place crawling with late 1970's macho tradesmen and labourers, surrounded by the tussocks of the hardiest grass like shrubs, that now covered most of the tracks, was this old passenger carriage, lovingly restored and complete with dainty white and pastel blue lace curtains, in the obviously well maintained windows, with a sign that read "Clyde Railway Workshops Musical Society".

But that's not the sign I'm talking about.

I was intrigued. Who or what might I find inside? I was and always have been a music lover.

I wandered over and went to open the door, when I saw the sign, inside the glass upper half of the door, bordered by filigree curtains was the sign. It said (scroll down)




















"Gone Chopin
Bach in a minuet"



I acknowledge that this is probably not where the sign originated and the person who put it there probably saw or heard about one somewhere else.

I later discovered that there was, in fact, a "Clyde Railway Workshops Musical Society" and they met at the said carriage in the afternoon on the fourth Friday of every month and the sign was hung at all other times.

I also discovered that the gentleman who was the leader of the society at the time was a rather unusual man who had a passion for Blue Oyster Cult, but that's another story (I'll bet those meetings were interesting!).


Edited by Eraserhead (Tue Jan 24 2012 05:36 AM)
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

Top
#683503 - Tue Jan 24 2012 09:08 AM Re: Funny Headlines
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12431
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
Great story!
Except for the remoteness and size of the area, I don't know why that reminds of a trip I took across Dartmoor, which is , for England , a vast uninhabited area. Right in the middle of the huge open part was a post and some wag had stuck a 'Neighbourhood Watch' sticker.
_________________________
Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

Top
#683578 - Tue Jan 24 2012 11:32 AM Re: Funny Headlines
ClaraSue Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Sun May 18 2003
Posts: 7837
Loc: Arizona USA
Which reminds me of a sign (I think I posted it years ago in the photography threads) that I saw in a cemetery in Gulfport, Mississippi. Right smack in the middle of headstones and mausoleums was the sign "Caution, Children at Play".
_________________________
May the tail of the elephant never have to swat the flies from your face.

Top
#683584 - Tue Jan 24 2012 11:37 AM Re: Funny Headlines
flopsymopsy Offline

Administrator

Registered: Sat May 17 2008
Posts: 4622
Loc: Northampton England UK
If you're Welsh, look away now, nothing to see here, move swiftly on; if you're not Welsh...

As you drive across the Severn Bridge from England in a westerly direction, there's a large sign which says "Welcome to Wales - Croeso i Gymru". Back in the days when Welsh idiots freedom fighters were burning cottages owned by the English, without worrying too much if there were any English inside at the time, a graffiti artist, presumably Welsh, painted two words in large letters across the sign.

"FREE WALES" it said.

And underneath that someone, presumably English, had written:

"With every packet of Persil"
_________________________
The Hubble Telescope has just picked up a sound from a fraction of a second before the Big Bang. The sound was "Uh oh".

Top
#683591 - Tue Jan 24 2012 11:42 AM Re: Funny Headlines
surdoux Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Wed Feb 17 2010
Posts: 294
Loc: Nottinghamshire England UK    
I also liked:

Note at the bottom of the menu of a German restaurant:
"After the main course we suggest that you sample the tart of the house"

And in a Tokyo bar:
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."

Also, in a loan company window:
"Now you can borrow enough money to get completely out of debt."

And not forgetting, At the dry cleaners:
"We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand."
_________________________
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Top
#691263 - Fri Feb 17 2012 11:05 PM Re: Funny Headlines
Eraserhead Offline
Prolific

Registered: Tue Feb 25 2003
Posts: 1825
Loc: Outer Sydney NSW Australia    
Originally Posted By: surdoux
And in a Tokyo bar:
"Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts."


They have those bars in Sydney too. Most are in Oxford Street.
_________________________
Don't hatch all of your eggs in the one basket 'til the chicken hits the fan.

Top
#691287 - Sat Feb 18 2012 12:11 AM Re: Funny Headlines
MikeMaster99 Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Sun Oct 23 2011
Posts: 513
Loc: Melbourne VIC Australia      
A billboard outside a chemist (pharmacist) in Melbourne many years ago read "Ear Piercing Pregnancy Tests". The first two words were on one line, the latter two were below, but read in one go...!

Top
#692952 - Wed Feb 22 2012 03:31 PM Re: Funny Headlines
darksplash Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Sat Nov 03 2007
Posts: 505
Loc: Tyrone
Northern Ireland UK 
A headline in one of my local papers said "Police appeal to parents"' which obviously reassured the local police chief somewhat.

Or another genuine one "Burglar caught by police sleeping in shop window". Cops really should not sleep in shop windows.

When I worked in newspapers, late one Wednesday night, just before deadline, I managed to catch one before it appeared. Some sleepy sub had written above a court report "Man fined for carless driving".
_________________________
There are just two types of people in this world, those who hear the music and those who don't.

Top
#783151 - Sun Apr 01 2012 12:21 PM Re: Funny Headlines
surdoux Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Wed Feb 17 2010
Posts: 294
Loc: Nottinghamshire England UK    
Headline seen at local gardening centre:


Spring is here! We're so excited, we've wet our plants!
_________________________
I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Top
#783178 - Sun Apr 01 2012 03:00 PM Re: Funny Headlines
Jennings Offline
Enthusiast

Registered: Tue Nov 03 2009
Posts: 416
Loc: Surrey
England UK
Seen at a local toy shop:

All our balloons are sold a pre-inflation prices.

Top
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >

Moderator:  ozzz2002, Sypher