I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
[ Funny Atheist Quotes]
***
I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes]
***
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places.
[ Funny Doctor Quotes]
***
My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.
[ Funny Drinking Quotes]
***
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
[ Funny Drinking Quotes]
***
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife every finds out, she'll kill me!
[ Funny Marriage Quotes]
***
My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, a little wine, good food..... She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes]
***
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
[ Funny Money Quotes]
***
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
[ Funny Marriage Quotes] [ Funny Shopping Quotes]
***

ok came home after a hard day at the office and I went to the refridgerator to get a cool drink - shock and horror - I opened the fridge door and it was completely empty.
On the very top shelf Bugs Bunny was reclining on the top shelf and I said,
"What do you think your doing?" and Bugs - never short of a word replied.
"Well this is a Westinghouse isn't it/
I said yes.
Bugs just said.
"Well I am Westing"