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#810004 - Fri Jul 20 2012 09:47 PM Duck
ren33 Offline

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12499
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
A duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham sandwich.

The barman looks at him and says "Hang on! You're a duck"

"I see your eyes are working" replies the duck.

"And you can talk!" exclaims the barman.

"I see your ears are working, too" says the duck. "Now if you don't mind, can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

"Certainly, sorry about that" says the barman as he pulls the duck's pint. “It's just we don't get many ducks in this pub…What are you doing round this way?"

"I'm working on the building site across the road" explains the duck. "I'm a plasterer"

The flabbergasted barman cannot believe the duck and wants to learn more, but takes the hint when the duck pulls out a newspaper from his bag and proceeds to read it.

So, the duck reads his paper, drinks his beer, eats his sandwich, bids the barman good day and leaves.

The same thing happens for two weeks.

Then one day the circus comes to town.

The ringmaster comes into the pub for a pint and the barman says to him "You're with the circus, aren't you? Well, I know this duck that could be just brilliant in your circus. He talks, drinks beer, eats sandwiches, reads the newspaper and everything!"

"Sounds marvellous" says the ringmaster, handing over his business card. "Get him to give me a call."

So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says "Hey Mr. Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money"

"I'm always looking for the next job" says the duck. "Where is it?"

"At the circus" says the barman.

"The circus?" repeats the duck.

"That's right" replies the barman.

"The circus?" the duck asks again.

“With the big tent?"

"Yeah," the barman replies.

"With all the animals who live in cages, and performers who live in caravans?" says the duck.

"Of course," the barman replies.

"And the tent has canvas sides and a big canvas roof with a hole in the middle?" persists the duck.

"That's right!" says the barman.

The duck shakes his head in amazement, and says "What the Hell would they want with a plasterer??!"
Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

#810028 - Sat Jul 21 2012 07:59 AM Re: Duck
Tryst Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Thu Jan 23 2003
Posts: 10982
Loc: Mu Mu Land
Quack Quack laugh
"The wisdom of a fool won't set you free"

#810070 - Sat Jul 21 2012 02:51 PM Re: Duck
golfmom08 Offline
Forum Adept

Registered: Sun Feb 20 2011
Posts: 183
Loc: Florida USA        
That's a good one!

#810357 - Mon Jul 23 2012 01:01 PM Re: Duck
mountaingoat Offline

Registered: Fri Jun 22 2007
Posts: 390
Loc: Blue Mountains NSW Australia
A monkey walks into a bar. After he serves him a beer the barman says "We don't get many monkeys in here." The monkey says "At these prices I'm not surprised."

#810525 - Tue Jul 24 2012 12:10 PM Re: Duck
Chavs Offline

Registered: Fri Jul 15 2011
Posts: 1158
Loc: Ireland
I like these.

Laugh x 2.

#822111 - Mon Sep 10 2012 01:12 PM Re: Duck
tjoebigham Offline

Registered: Sat Dec 25 1999
Posts: 2824
Loc: Fairhaven Massachusetts USA   
In his "Pretty Good Joke Book" Garrison Keillor gives the ultimate bar joke:

A priest,a rabbi, a lawyer, a redneck, a blonde and a dog enter a bar. Looking up, the bartender says: "What is this, some kinda joke?"



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