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#1154524 - Mon Dec 26 2016 02:32 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
Bruyere Offline
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Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18852
Loc: California USA
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a Martinus…. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”

What’s the difference between an etymologist and an entomologist?… An etymologist knows the difference.

Your momma is so mean… she has no standard deviation.

What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?

This one requires Valley Girl accent: When I heard that oxygen and magnesium hooked up I was like, OMg.

It is reported that Copernicus' parents said the following to him at the age of twelve: "Copernicus, young man, when are you going to come to terms with the fact that the world does not revolve around you."
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#1154895 - Sat Dec 31 2016 03:09 AM Re: Puns for the educated....
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
The better half wanted a Taxus hedge out front. Being the one who'd have to care for it, I said, "No!". She steamily asked, "Why not?" I replied , "Because it's a sappy yew dear!"



Do I lose my pun permit on that one?

PS Bruyere: Copernicus' father died when the astronomy hero was only 10 years old. He was then raised by his wealthy and influential maternal uncle, Lucas Watzenrode.


Edited by mehaul (Sat Dec 31 2016 03:26 AM)
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#1154897 - Sat Dec 31 2016 03:41 AM Re: Puns for the educated....
mehaul Offline
Forum Champion

Registered: Wed Feb 03 2010
Posts: 6516
Loc: Florida USA
Did Tycho Brahe say Au-choo when he sneezed through his golden prosthetic nose?
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If you aren't seeing Heaven while you dream, you're doing something wrong.
Dreams allow escape from the passage of Time.

The ultimate activity is the Dream.

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#1155020 - Sun Jan 01 2017 08:40 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
MotherGoose Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Mon Apr 22 2002
Posts: 4925
Loc: Western Australia
Quote:
PS Bruyere: Copernicus' father died when the astronomy hero was only 10 years old. He was then raised by his wealthy and influential maternal uncle, Lucas Watzenrode


It's a joke, not a documentary.
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Don't say "I can't" ... say " I haven't learned how, yet." (Reg Bolton)

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#1156340 - Wed Jan 18 2017 12:51 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
JanIQ Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Thu Jul 09 2009
Posts: 891
Loc: Antwerp
Belgium
The heavyweight boxer became world champion. He was unbeaten.
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#1156520 - Fri Jan 20 2017 10:08 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12518
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
I'm sorry I don't get that one??!
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Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

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#1156547 - Sat Jan 21 2017 03:46 AM Re: Puns for the educated....
HairyBear Offline
Mainstay

Registered: Fri Sep 01 2006
Posts: 700
Loc: Florida USA
Originally Posted By: ren33
I'm sorry I don't get that one??!

As in, he wasn't beaten up.

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#1174503 - Thu Aug 31 2017 06:21 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
agony Offline

Administrator

Registered: Sat Mar 29 2003
Posts: 15691
Loc: Western Canada
This one might fit on here:

I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said, "Thanks."

I said, "Don't mention it."

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#1175304 - Wed Sep 13 2017 01:45 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
Bruyere Offline
Star Poster

Registered: Sat Feb 10 2001
Posts: 18852
Loc: California USA
This cowboy walks into a bar and orders a beer. His hat is made of brown wrapping paper, his shirt and vest are made of waxed paper, and his chaps, pants, and boots are made of tissue paper. Pretty soon they arrest him for rustling.


I hope I haven't shared these gems already!

Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who is a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, “We don’t serve your kind in here.” One of the yogurt cartons says to him, “Why not? We’re cultured individuals.”

A nonrenewable natural resource walks in to a bar and orders a tall glass of whiskey.
The bar tender says "sorry friend, I cant serve YOU; you have been getting wasted all day long!"
 
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I was born under a wandering star.

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#1194809 - Thu Apr 12 2018 09:13 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
JadeRain Offline
Learning the ropes...

Registered: Thu Apr 12 2018
Posts: 1
Loc: Pennsylvania USA
Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use honey combs!



What does a frog like to drink on a hot day?

A croak a cola!



My sister bet me I couldn't make a car out of spaghetti... you should have seen her face when I dove pasta!

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#1195015 - Mon Apr 16 2018 01:48 AM Re: Puns for the educated....
ozzz2002 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Mon Dec 03 2001
Posts: 20398
Loc: Sydney
NSW Australia
What do Winnie the Pooh and Atilla the Hun have in common?


































The same middle name...
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#1195051 - Mon Apr 16 2018 06:53 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
ren33 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Thu Sep 30 1999
Posts: 12518
Loc: Kowloon Tong  Hong Kong      
oh Ozzz Thats terrible!!
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Wandering aimlessly through FT since 1999.

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#1199286 - Fri Jun 22 2018 11:48 PM Re: Puns for the educated....
Severyn Offline
Multiloquent

Registered: Fri Jun 01 2018
Posts: 3428
Loc: Alberta Canada
What do you call a cow sitting down?

Ground Beef


How can you make a tissue Dance?

Put a little Boogie into it


Edited by Severyn (Fri Jun 22 2018 11:53 PM)
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#1199414 - Sun Jun 24 2018 04:15 AM Re: Puns for the educated....
ozzz2002 Offline
Moderator

Registered: Mon Dec 03 2001
Posts: 20398
Loc: Sydney
NSW Australia
Why can't you say the number '288' in public?


Because it is too (two) gross.
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The key to everything is patience. You get the chicken by hatching the egg, not smashing it.

Ex-Editor, Hobbies and Sports, and Forum Moderator

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