When under stress, I have to swallow my tongue to keep these from popping out [it’s what I get for reading strictly-stress-management.com {favorites below}:]

1. You! Off my planet!!

2. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

3. I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood for 28 years.

4. Allow me to introduce my selves.

5. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

6. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.

7. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.

8. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

9. I can't remember if I'm the good twin or the evil one.

10. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?

11. You say I'm a witch like it's a bad thing.

12. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

13. Chaos, panic & disorder - my work here is done.

14. Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth.

15. Earth is full. Go home.

16. Is it time for your medication or mine?

17. Aw, did I step on your poor little bitty ego?

18. How do I set the laser printer to stun?

19. I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.

20. When I want your opinion, I'll give it to you.

One I admit to using recently is "Off with her head!" Not original, I know, but it sums things up nicely doesnt it?

I'll admit to using "And whose brain cell did you borrow to come up with that idea"
fairly recently.