This must be a problem that we all have to face from time to time.

I would be interested to know how other people deal with personality clashes, particularly in the workplace when one cannot avoid being in close contact with the person concerned.

My current situation is that I am a full-time employee, well-respected by most colleagues. In his absence I have to deputise for the manager - this makes me number two in the local organisation.

We have a woman, fairly newish, who is responsible for training new people in our organisation and she is employed for about 10 hours each week. For political reasons she has the title 'assistant manager - training'. It was explained to me at the time by our manager that this was a meaningless title (it was the only way to get funding for the position, give a fancy title), but if it upset me then I could also have a new title to reflect my seniority ... I told him (the boss) not to be so daft, titles were meaningless - pay scales and parking priviledges meant more!!

This woman went round telling everyone that she was the assistant manager, this gave many people the impression that she was somehow senior to me. Manager quickly put her in her place by telling her that I have priority over parking, that in his absence I was in charge etc. She didn't like this and has a vendetta against me, whenever possible she verbally attacks me and 'tells me off' in front of the trainees and other members of staff. All without reason.

Now I feel that if she really had a problem with something that I do then the correct thing would be to have a word in private with me, not bawl me out in public. It is affecting my health, I dread going to work on the days when she is going to be there.

Last week she told me to get out of a particular chair in the office, told me that it was needed for someone else ... I needed to sit there for about 15 minutes. I vacated the seat, moved to another, and an hour and a half later it was still empty so I went to her (in private) and told her that her comments were not called for, that the seat was vacant (and remained so all day) and that it would have been more appropriate to ask me if I would be using the seat for long as it might be required by one of her trainees later in the day.

So how would you handle this woman? I ask now as I know that I am going to be running the office for the next couple of weeks at least, boss is away. I hate confrontation, my life could be very unpleasant for a few weeks. She has a 'booming' voice and the very sound of it makes me cringe.

I should add that I am not the only person to find her difficult, one person (a very long standing and valued volunteer) has left saying that this woman is one of the main reasons, a number of other people have a problem with her, one got very upset yesterday when verbally 'attacked' by her. The manager has already taken her aside once and told her to watch what she says to other members of staff, that her manner is abraisive. The woman who was upset yesterday says that she is going to phone her at home and tell her to think before speaking, to get some 'people-handling skills'. She even tells our clients off if they haven't 'rung the bell'.

I am really dreading next week.
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From over the pond....

[This message has been edited by sue943 (edited 04-07-2000).]

First of all I believe that handling personality clashes is much easier in person than it is online as far as getting it nipped in the bud.

I was a manager for years and one thing I never forgot to do is give each and everyone of my employees praise, evan if I had to dig deep to find one.

When there was a problem with an employees personality, I would have a long talk in private and discuss the situation at hand. I would go into an office and ask them to voice everything that is on their mind to help clear the air. During this time I would look at them straight in the eye and listen, trying very hard not to mutter a word until they were finished. Sometimes when an employee starts talking about the problem at hand and you just let them go on and on, they find some of the things that were making them react in a negative way was quite foolish.

If they did not talk about the subjects that you wanted them to, then that's the time to ask questions.

I explain to them that each and every employee is valuable and harmony in the work place is essential to getting the work done. The corporations reputation and work productivity is vital. If they want to be a team player then the corporation is honored to have them as a valuable employee. If they can't get along with others and if that is damaging the work invironment, then they should consider looking for other employment where they would be happier.

That is how I have handled the situation in the past. I also let them know that if the situation is cleared up immediately, then I would not mention it on their work review.

I hope this helps you a little bit Sue. I know it is not easy and it really keeps you from getting the job done, that is why I would try to handle it as soon as you possibly can. Good luck my good friend.

Thank you for that JoJo. I think that I am going to have to learn to be more assertive, to challenge her everytime she blasts off at me, perhaps give her a taste of her own medicine and wash the dirty linen in front of others. I think this is one of the things which upsets me the most, the way that she blasts off in front of very junior staff members - gives them the erroneous impression that I am junior to her. Other staff members are horrified at the way that she speaks to people. Sacking her is not really much of an option, she could be valuable if only she would think before she opens her mouth.

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From over the pond....

Sue, please make sure and pull her into an office first. Don't blast her in front of the others or the situation get worse. It will be embarrassing enough to have to be pulled into the office.

I hear what you are saying JoJo - and it is that situation which is so upsetting to me. If she doesn't like something that I do then a word in private would be the way to go, not yell at me in public, undermining MY authority in front of junior staff members.

At least I have most of the staff behind me giving me support.

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From over the pond....

Sue, you are in charge not her. Don't let her make you forget that. Start documenting everything. Don't be shy about her seeing you writing everything down. You may need back up, you just never know. Be sure and put a date and time stamp on each entry. If she persists then you may need to go to a higher authority and documentation will speak louder then words.

I am too soft, someone told me that until this woman was widowed she was a different person, then changed. She is just as bad to a number of other people and in other situations - like committees that she serves on, speaks first then thinks (perhaps, although if she did think then she might realise that she is upsetting people).

I will take a deep breath, swallow a tranquilliser and smile sweetly

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From over the pond....

Sue, my suggestion would be..that the next time she begins to speak you in an uncivil manner is to turn and walk away. I would stop after about 4 or 5 steps and announce to her that when she is able to compose herself and is ready to have a civil converstation with you then she can arrainge a time to speak to you in private.

This shows that you have the authority and and the professional manner is which to address another person and anyone who views this will also recognize this..... will make you feel much better too.... Smile!

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Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

Yes I like that - there is little worse than a person walking away when you are speaking to them

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From over the pond....

Sandalwood! You took the words right out of my mouth! There's nothing more fun than staying completly calm when they are blowing a fuse!

Sue...maybe it's time for the three of you to sit in an office together to discuss this. That way she could see that you have the bosses backing in these matters. Then too, you could use JoJo's suggestion of telling her some of the things you like about her and her work...even if you have to dig really deep!

Good luck, 'cus I'm going through a clash at work too! For the time being I'm trying to have as little contact with her as possible. That's hard when you only have 3 people working together! I'm also trying to lead by example and be really sweet when I do have to speak with her directly.

I woke up thinking about you this morning Sue. Have things gotten any better at work?

She really wasn't a problem when the boss was away, she was supposed to ask me for clearance before allowing a client to have a free appointment with a lawyer but didn't - when I read the case notes I phoned the lawyer and apologised as none of the cases should have been referred, I could have answered them all. Apart from that she was OK.

The day the boss got back he asked if there had been to many 'fireworks' between us and I was able to tell him that there had been peace. I can only assume that he gave her another pep-talk before going away.

I am keeping my fingers crossed that peace reigns from now onwards.

Thank you all for your concern and support.

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From over the pond....

[This message has been edited by sue943 (edited 05-06-2000).]

I am glad that things got better. You are such a good person and oh so funny, she's missing out not getting to know you better.