Sandalwood and vendome inspired me to start this thread. I believe that many of us are survivors in life and have experienced pain and sorrow. I would like to start a support group for all of us to help each other through the trials and tribulations in our lives. I hope that you will join me and may we each find some comfort in each other.

I will start off by telling you about when I lost my precious Skeeter. He was a beautiful black and white Lab and English Spinger Spaniel mix. I cried my eyes out and couldn't even go to work the day he died. Skeeter ate a corn cob and it he wasn't able to digest it and it tore up some of his intestines.

Skeeter was a fun loving adorable dog full of love. I had brought him all the was from New Jersey to California. I still hurt deeply when I think I think of my boy.

On my third day of grieving a friend of mine brought me to a shelter and I found a full blooded English Springer Spaniel who reminded me of Skeeter. She was an older dog so no one seemed to want her. The second our eyes met, I knew that we were meant to be friends. I grabbed her up in my arms and from then on Sophia and I were the best of buddies. Unfortunately, Sophia had been abused, but I gave her all the love I had to offer her and she learned to trust and she was the sweetest of animals. All the love I put into Sophia really helped me to heal over the loss of Skeeter. I will never forget Skeeter, and he will always have a special place in my heart.

I am telling you this story because if you ever have to go through the experience of losing a pet that is dear to you, get out there and save another's ones life and love it. You will feel so much better and your new pet will love you for it.

JoJo. my true and sincere sympathy goes out to you. I have a touching story I would like to share with you . . .

In third grade I moved from a different house and to a different school. These are so emotional changes. I remember just sitting in the corner, just thinking and crying.
When I first went to school, there was a certain teacher I didn't want becuase of rumors I have heard about her. They say that she was a mean and hurtful teacher. However, I was in her class.
I walked in and sat down. Strangers. COMPLETE strangers all around. Then all of a sudden this small, chubby elderly lady walked into a room. She quietly sat down and smiled at us.
That year, I was nominated for the student council. I ran out of the room crying, because I never wanted to be init. She followed me and when she found me she hugged me and said 'Remember try. God will always be with you.' I ran, but I DID lost.
Throught the bitter and sweet, she was always there with me. Whenever when it was time to go I always hugged her. And throught the bitter and sweet, I was there with her.
Then came the most bitter part- Mrs. Tone was diagnosed with cancer. She died in late January of 1999- some 70 years of age. She always will hold a special part in my heart.
---------------------------------------------
JoJo, I will officialy join this support group. I have worked with a lot of kids my age at helping them with this kind of sadness.

------------------
IndianPainter
The United States would be 10 times better if a woman was president.

In November, my 90 year old great-grandmother was admitted into a hospital for fluid congestion in the lungs. Overly confused, weak and dizzy made her seem more and more she walked down the path of death. In December, she was admitted into the 'best' nursing home in Lackawanna County. The 'nurses' there are known to treat the patients horribly. Recently, my grandmother was re-admitted back into the hospital. She has had her highs and lows . . . never to know which one will be her last.

------------------
IndianPainter
The United States would be 10 times better if a woman was president.

BoyScout, you are very wise for your years and I am amazed at how much love you have inside your heart. You have an enormous about of empathy and compassion and will be a great help to all of us. Thank you for joining the support group and a special thank you for sharing your story. How wonderful of you for keeping her spirit in your heart.

BoyScout, your great-grandmother is lucky to have lived such a long life. It is a crying shame that we can't trust all nursing homes these days. I am pleased to hear that she is under good care. I hope you visit her often and hope and pray that she gets better soon. Please send her my best and I will include her in my prayers tonight.

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}
Thank you Jojo. Unforunately, she was re-admitted into the nursing home yesterday. There's only a certain time she could stay in the hospital.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}} to you too BoyScout. I hope you live close enough to visit with her.

BoyScout..You will cherish the time you spend with Grandmother for the rest of your life.

------------------
Do You Hate Spam as Much as I Do? Click Here: http://www.cauce.org

I am an expert on surviving miscarriages and stillbirths if anyone needs to talk.
Contact me by email if need be. I am here to help.

Auschic, what a gorgeous person you are for wanting to help. You are a very warm and caring person who is easy to talk to. I am deeply saddened that you have had to go through such painful times and I know you are a true survivor. Thank you for kindness and your thoughfulness. You will be a fine addition to our support group. I know I have cried on your shoulder once or twice before and I always felt much better after talking with you.

Wow looks like this thread was needed..Thank you Jo for starting it.

There are many subjects that I can help discuss with anyone who would like that..

When I am not in such an emotional mood after reading this thread I can expound on them..Hugs to all!!

------------------
Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

Thank you for joining the support group Sandalwood. I know first hand how much empathy and warmth you possess and your willingness to help others. I also know that you are trained in hospice and spiritual healing that will be a great asset to all of us. Thank you dear.

I'm with SandalWood on this Jo. This thread is important. I'm here to help when ever. With this group here I think we got a support group for everyone.

Let's all keep well and sound of mind.

Hugs

I agree Phellan. You know Terry had this idea awhile back and some people where concerned about law suits and so forth. I say the hell with being concerned over such matters. Everyone here knows that we are not professionals, we are sharing our friendship, concern, empathy, and experiences. We have such a stong community here that I believe it will be wonderful to have a little place to come to when the times are a rocky AND it happens to us all. That is just part of life, but knowing that you never have to be alone is a very good feeling. Phellan, I loved your statement about us all helping each other to keep well and sound of mind. Thank you for joining the support group and hugs to you my friend and all our other friends here.

Do you seem to get involved with everyone's issues? Perhaps you were "trained" by your parents as a child to take responsibility for everyone else's stuff. For example, if your parents fought constantly, you may have jumped in as a child to "rescue" your mother from being yelled at by your father, thus making you the family social worker. This role of the rescuer is one player in the "victim triangle". So, as an adult, you may find yourself seeking out someone to rescue, instead of holding each person accountable for his or her own issues. This can be especially problematic if you are parenting children. I will discuss the victim triangle in more detail tomorrow.

Yes Jo that statement is correct..It is something that seems to possess us if we come from a very disfuntional family..I was that way years ago..I have since learned to hold each accountable..It has help me in raising my children to see their part in any problem that they are having....Also my own.

------------------
Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

Sandalwood that is why you are a survivor and a healthy one at that. Thank you for sharing.

I'm sorta like that. I know when someone has a problem or how to help someone. So I come up with ways and suggestions to help them out, I listen to them if they just need to talk. If someone is responsible for a problem I won't take away that blame from them but I'll try to help them learn from it, god knows I've learned from all mine.

I think it's important that a person learns from their mistakes and from the events in their life, sometimes they just need help to see where things went wrong.

That's true Phellan, and it is also very important that we are not embarrassed of our mistakes or failures. Instead we must cherish them as this is how we grow and learn to become better at what we do and who we are.

One of the most important things I have learned from Oprah Winfrey is about the 'ownership of guilt'.

Stop feeling guilty about things that are out of your control!! I've let go of a lot of my guilt.

(shuttlebunny exposing herself here...totally out of character) A couple of weeks ago my parents were in town for the Iola Old Car Show. They came on Thursday, planning to get an early start on the show on Friday. The plan was that they would do the show on Fri & Sat and leave early Sun morning (they had plans to meet with someone on Sun at home).

Friday night, after a couple of 'tongue loosening' cocktails, after everyone else went to bed, my father & I got into a 'life' discussion. I got brave enough to tell him that I knew I was a disappointment to him on the success scale. But I also told him that I'm really happy with my life. That I didn't share his idea of what life should be like (rich retirement, winters in Texas). Not that it wouldn't be nice, I'm just not worried about it.

Bottom line is that I worked at the show on Sat, and they decided to leave. I wasn't sure if my father left because of our conversation!

Well, we've talked since then and everything feels normal. The only thing different is that I don't feel guilty about our relationship anymore. I laid my feelings on the line, I have nothing to feel guilty about. It's my life.

I'm welcome to questions about your problems, but only if you want a totally judgemental opinion. You might not find me very sympathetic, but, you will get what I feel is an honest opinion.

------------------
Do You Hate Spam as Much as I Do? Click Here: http://www.cauce.org

Shuttlebunny, you must feel so much better now that you have gotten that off your chest and was honest about your feelings. I wouldn't be able to say whether or not that was your father's reason for leaving, but I believe that we must be honest with our loved ones or things just keep building up.

I recently expressed how sad and lonely I was when my father was in the band and he was always on the road and how sometimes when we would be around movie stars and musicians, he would entertain them and I felt as if I was non-existant. It really hurt. It took all these years to tell him how I felt, and once I did, I felt like part of me was starting to heal. I am glad that I finally got enough nerve to expressing my true feeling to him.

You mentioned guilt. Well, for some reason I was feeling guilty about feeling the way I did, although I knew it was not my fault. You were right on target when you said "Stop feeling guilty about things that are out of your control and get rid of it." Guilt can eat you up inside and so many times we feel guilty about something that is entirely not our fault and like you said out of our control.

Thank you for sharing and for your excellant advice Shuttlebunny.

I am proud of you Shuttlebunny..That is a very hard thing to do that you did..

I remember when I confronted my father for issues I had with him in childhood and it was such a relief to get it all out...His responce was a very quiet one.....

Now when every I get on the subject of childhood..He finds a way to change the conversation..Sometimes I just keep talking and other times I allow that change

Yes on the guilt trips..Let them go..They serve no purpose in our lives!!

------------------
Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

Thanks JoJo & Sandalwood! You've backed me up on what I knew in my heart was the right move, but in my head wasn't sure about.

I have since talked to both of my parents and neither has brought it up. One of the reasons they left early was the weather, it was going to rain. I was just upset that I didn't get to 'read' my dad's mood before they left.

Bottom line is that I do feel better! I have plans to go to my folks house in a couple of weeks!

------------------
Do You Hate Spam as Much as I Do? Click Here: http://www.cauce.org

That's wonderful Shuttlebunny. I just want you to know that your story was an inspiration to me. I went to bed thinking about what you said about guilt and I am going to make it a point to get rid of any guilt I have inside of me. Thanks for sharing and thanks for a lesson.