So much now makes sense. People used to tell me that 'you either see the glass as half-empty, or half-full'...for the longest time, I couldn't even find the damn glass.

People also used to look at me in amazement, and comment on how 'strong' I am (I lost both of my parents to cancer (they died 10 months apart when I was 16/17); I experienced some horrific treatment at the hands of an older 'brother'; I had a near fatal auto accident; I've had some pretty serious surgeries)...when I heard that comment made, I used to think to myself..."if you only knew!" then it got to the point where I felt like hitting the person, thinking "You must think it ws pretty easy for me, huh?...You must think I'm totally devoid of feelings, huh?" These people didn't realize that, many times (more times than I care to remember), I could have outdone Tom Hanks with Oscar-winning performances in both my personal and my professional life...or the nights, after seeing the actor Don Murray on TV in "Bus Stop" or interviewed, I sobbed for hours, cause he bears an uncanny resemblance to my brother, or how I used to dread Mother's Day and Father's Day...I wouldn't go near stores that sold cards for those holidays, and on and on. And I'm not talking about me at age 19 or 20. I'm talking last year! To this day, I have yet to go anywhere near my parents' graves...uncaring? insensitive? disrespectful? Maybe. But I just can't. And won't.

I remember, a few years ago, when I sought professional therapy for all of the things that were tearing me up inside (though you'd never know it to look at me or interact with me)...the psychologist asked me to tell him the 5 best things about my life and the 5 worst things. Well, I rattled off a list of horrors so fast he couldn't keep up with me. When it came to the good things, all I could think of was my son...nothing else. And even that was frought with problems...my wife and I went through a messy, painful 6 year divorce and custody battle, and the children are always the victims, aren't they?

Then I found FunTrivia and, now don't laugh!, I think I was led here for a purpose. Cause the change in me is nothing short of amazing...could it be, JoJo, that you are my in-the-flesh guardian angel with a full complement of angelic assistants?...even my son (a psychology major with a MENSA IQ---God help me!!!) has commented several times that he is so glad to see the positive changes in me. I've even dredged up my sense of humor, twisted and perverse though it may be. And I've been looking back at my life (this is something that I would NEVER do; I kept my past locked away!) and, not only remembering, but also documenting some of the warm, funny things that I experienced....and there are so many of them! Do you know what a breakthrough this is for me?

And it's all because of you. I don't know how you did it. But you made me feel secure and confident and comfortable enough to unlock that secret place and if not deal with, a least recognize the contents. This made room for all of the warm, funny, good times that I've had that I previously would not, or could not, appreciate.

One last thought...when my wife and I got married, we chose not to have a child for at least 5 years. Instead, we saved our money (we both were working) and traveled all over the world. England, France, Spain, Portugal, Egypt, Russia, etc. etc. People would wonder why we were spending all of our money on trips when we should be saving for a house, a 'rainy day', all of the 'normal' things. Well, I planned all of the trips, and we took two trips per year. I remember telling my wife that I wanted to travel cause, when I was on my deathbed, I didn't want to hear myself saying, "I wish I had...."; I wanted to say "I did"...or "I went to". Why? Because when my mom was dying, before entering the hospital for the last time, I was in her bedroom rubbing her back one night...she was in so much pain...I remember that she looked at me and said, "Know what, honey?" "What, mom," I asked. "There's one thing I've always wanted to do; I've always wanted to just throw some clothes in the car, and just drive and drive. Gee, I wish we could have done that." "Maybe we can, next year," I said. She just smiled. I think that explains my wanderlust. And the fact that I can tell you this little story (it's never been shared before), and without a tear, is an indication of how I've changed.

Can you realize or imagine what this means to me?

Bless you all.

Oh, vendome, you made me cry. I can only offer my sympathies for your past and your losses, and say that I understand totally how well you hid your pain so that people didn't know how badly you hurt deep inside. How sad that you had to carry those burdens for so long.

When I hear life stories like yours or JoJo's or so many others here, I can't help but find it amazing that so many people in pain have found their way to this forum. Perhaps you are right; however it happened we seemed to have been led here and here we can speak as we could nowhere else. No one is judged; support is abundant and you know that others truly care.

I hope you continue to find loving support here and soon everyone will see the person that was hiding for so long.

And bless you for sharing this with all of us. You must feel wonderful.

[This message has been edited by clara64 (edited 08-30-2000).]

Thank you for your thoughts, but no need to worry about me now. That happened quite a few years ago (1992) and I have been able to deal with it since. Our family was lucky in respect to others - we have a friend whose mother, father, two brothers, sisters-in-law, one uncle and two nephews were all found with their throats slit. War is a horrible thing (understatement of the year). BoyScout - don't be angry about the triage system. While frustrating, I understand that it has to be that way. Medical supplies are limited and there is only so much human doctors and nurses can do. It's a decision that has to be made based on the reality of the situation. You accept that it is impossible to save everyone.

Here's a bit more about cognitive therapy out of the book I mentioned above. They are just excerpts - to get the full understanding and benefit, you would have to read the whole book.

The effects of depression are - your mood slumps, your self-image crumbles, your body doesn't function properly, your willpower becomes paralyzed and your actions defeat you. That's why you feel so totally down in the dumps. What's the key to it all?

Intense negative thinking always accompanies a depressive episode, or any painful emotion for that matter. The negative thoughts that flood your mind are the actual cause of your self-defeating emotions. These thoughts are what keep you lethargic and make you feel inadequate. Your negative thoughts, or cognitions, are the most frequently overlooked symptoms of your depression. These cognitions contain the key to relief and are therefore your most important symptoms. You are probably skeptical of all this because your negative thinking has become such a part of your life that it has become automatic. They run through your mind automatically without the slightest effort on your part to put them there. They are as obvious and natural to you as the way you hold a fork. Following are a list of ten cognitive distortions that form the basis of all your depressions. When you are feeling upset, the list will be invaluable in making you aware of how you are fooling yourself.

1. All-or-Nothing Thinking. This refers to your tendency to evaluate your personal qualities in extreme, black-or-white categories. This way of evaluating things is unrealistic because life is rarely completely either one way or the other. For example, no one is absolutely brilliant or totally stupid. Similarly, no one is either completely attractive or totally ugly. Absolutes do not exist in this universe. If you try to force your experiences into absolute categories, you will be constantly depressed because your perceptions will not conform to reality.

How to replace all-or-nothing thoughts with others that are more in tune with reality:

All-or-Nothing Thinking: What a lousy day!
Realistic Thoughts: A couple of bad things have happened, but everything hasn't been a disaster.

All-or-Nothing Thinking: I'm too old.
Realistic Thoughts: Too old for what? Too old to have fun? No. Too old to enjoy friends? No. Too old to love or be loved? No. Too old to enjoy music? No. Too old to do some productive work? No. So what am I "too old" for? It really has no meaning!

All-or-Nothing Thinking: Nobody loves me.
Realistic Thoughts: Nonsense. I have friends and family. I may not get as much love as I want when I want it, but I can work on this.

All-or-Nothing Thinking: I'm a failure.
Realistic Thoughts: I've succeeded at some things and failed at others, just like everybody.

I'll stop here and add the other nine items later, but more abbreviated. It's hard to give you an idea of what the book is trying to show you without losing its meaning, yet not being too wordy here. As you can see, once you can identify patterns of thinking, then you can train yourself to think differently - and it is these thoughts that control emotions and depression. I kind of view it as physiotherapy for your mind. The same as you retrain your leg muscles after breaking your leg; you retrain how you think. In relation to the story I shared yesterday, my All-or-Nothing thinking was that because there was a war and some people I knew had died, I thought the whole world had to stop. In reality, some people die and others live - some places have war and others don't. That's the way it is.

Bad things happen in life - some people experience more bad than others; that is a fact that cannot be changed. However, the way we think about and deal with those bad events is something we can control. I didn't know that before. I also don't blame myself for my previous depressions. How can you deal with something that you don't understand or that hasn't been shown to you. Also, how do you explain all this to someone who hasn't suffered this way? Clara64, you mentioned your brother; and Vendome you mentioned frustration at explaining your hardships and justifying yourself to others. While our backgrounds and reasons for suffering are different, we are all the same - humans just trying to cope with bad things that have happened.

YOUR LIFE ENERGY

A sensitive Norwegian poet, Rolf Jacobsen, wrote a beautiful poem titled, "Guardian Angel," It deserves to be read slowly
and lovingly...

I am the bird that knocks at your window in the morning and your companion, whom you cannot know, the blossoms that light up for the blind.

I am the glacier's crest above the forests,
the dazzling one and the brass voices from the cathedral towers.

The thought that suddenly comes over you at mid-day and fills you with singular happiness.

I am one you have loved long ago,
I walked alongside you by day and look intently at you and put my mouth on your heart but you don't know it.

I am your third arm and your second shadow,
the white one, whom you don't have the heart for and who cannot ever forget you.

We all have our own connection to that invisible part of us.

There is much more to life than simply living out our days as form, and then disappearing into an abyss of infinite
nothingness. Our thoughts are a magic part of us, and they can carry us to places that have no boundaries and no limitations. In that dimensionless world of thought
everything is possible.

It demands nothing of you, this awakened life, only that you fill yourself with the life energy that makes the dynamic work,
and that you celebrate the invisible part of you as well as the visible. Let these ideas in and simply see where they lead you.

As you do:

Remember, you do not have to struggle...
You do not have to fight...
You do not have to win...
You only have to Know.

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Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

I want to you all to know that I read each and every word of your posts. If there is a delay in my responses to you, that is because I like to wait until things are quiet and still in the day or night so that I can devote all my attention to communicating with you. I do this because I truly care about each one of you, so I hope you will understand.

I've got a problem...well, maybe it's a solution...or a combination of the two. In any event, I need some advice.

The problem involves my ex-wife. Like I'm sure you and the rest of the universe know, I went through a messy, painful 6 year divorce and custody battle back in the late 80s. I don't want to get into the specifics (cause in cases like this there are THREE sides...his side..her side..and the truth). Suffice it to say that I was granted the divorce as well as full custody of my son. And, of course, there remained a great deal of bitterness and ill-will on both sides. Then came my son's graduation from high school. Each graduate was issued five tickets for the commencement. I felt that, despite my trepidation, it was a major event in Eric's life, and should be witnessed by those closest to him and, by definition, that would be me, his mother, and his grandparents (my ex-wife's parents). So, I sent them three tickets and enclosed a note saying the Eric and I would be pleased if they attended. I got a phone call from my ex-wife expressing her appreciation, and a note from the former mamma-in-law expressing the same sentiments. To make a long story short, they came; they saw; and, to aa large extent, the bitternesss and ill-will was conquered.

Then I required surgery several times...my son told them about it, and I received several very thoughtful 'get well' cards, and even a few surprise visits (and I'm talking SURPRISE) from my ex-wife when I was recuperating. She even offered to have me move in with her and her husband (she re-married-unhappily) so that I wouldn't be alone. I know this sounds weird, and I know it is, but you'd have to know her to understand.

Then my son was very interested in a young lady, and thought he was going to ask her to marry him. I suppressed my dessire to scream in his face "ARE YOU CRAZY?????" and, when he told me that he didn't want to take the girl to his mother's house because Eric doesn't like his mom's new husbad, I offered to host a dinner at my place so that Hilary (his girlfriend) could meet his mother and I. The evening turned out to be terrific; I had more fun than I've had in a long time. We discussed all of the funny things that happened to us when we worked together and on our many trips. Laughter filled the entire evening.

Then I began writing up some of the amusing anecdotes about my career in healthcare, of which my ex-wife played a major part because I met her and continued to work with her at the same facility. I called her up so that she could refresh my memory about the specifics of some of the incidents I was writing about...then the return phone calls started. She's been callling me repeatedly.

Now, I'm not stupid. I know that the proper thing to do is BEWARE and BACK OFF, and that will be your advice especially when I tell you that, a few days ago, she announced that she has, "never stopped loving" me.

I know...she's remarried...we've got a past with a lot of pain...I could never totally trust her again...and on, and on.

BUT, my son has commented several times that he is so glad to see his father and mother talking again...it's something that he's wished for so long.....

And, admittedly, it felt pretty good having her around again.

My question/concens are..I really don't want a close relationship with her but, at the same time, I don't want to disappoint my son...is it possible that we could become 'just friends'...HELP!!I know that you're not 'Dear Abby', but you've been so helpful in the past, I thought you could chew on this for a while.

Plus, I'd like to know how a female reads this situation.

Thanks..I appreciate it,

Rich (vendome)

Dear Rich, I should think that now you have much more of the precious commodity called Time. You can take it really slowly, you can take it day by day.You do not have to think'Beware!!' and 'Back off!!' because you have time to think , talk , search your soul , above all dont rush. You have had time to think over the reasons for your break up. You will not , and neither will she , allow those things to happen again. Why are you worried? You have proved that you didn't die without her, the world didn't end. You can be independent of her. If good things happen then you will have had plenty of time to let them happen. If they don't , well you will be OK won't you?
Passion doesn't last for ever, but friendship can. You can be loving friends for years more yet. You dont HAVE to take any action at the moment, do you? Just let things go along . Well that's what I think. Whatever happens, we will all be here for you as usual, won't we?So take care.XXX love Ren

Talk, talk, talk and talk. Communicate with her, tell her how you feel, that you enjoy her company (now that the hassle is over), you want to be friends and hope that her husband won't have a problem with that.

Until the 'woman from hell' appeared on the scene my ex-husband and I managed to become quite good friends, we can still have a perfectly civil conversation, it is just that he is terrified of her (now the wife from hell) as she gets upset if he speaks to me - we don't see each other nor keep in contact as she gives him a very hard time.

What you need to do is get over the point that it is friendship that you are offering, nothing more.

Good luck with that.

------------------
From over the pond....

I agree with both Sue and Auntie Ren. Time changes a lot of things and if you can put the past behind you, you might end up with a good friend. I think this will be a healthy atmosphere for your son. You know it must warm his heart to hear his parents communicating together in a friendly manner and maybe it will be healthy for you as well. Hopefully, your new friendship with her will help to heal the wounds you've acquired from the past. I wish you the best of luck Rich.

I don't see anything wrong in renewing or strengthening your relationship with your ex-wife. If so though, do it because it makes the two of you happy, not because you think it will make your son happy. Also, you'd have to remember that she is still married. Her husband might not like the idea of you coming back into her life, even as just friends. Or, if the relationship takes a more serious turn, then a whole other can of worms will open up regarding divorce and possible re-marriage. I know you asked for opinions, so I am adding my thoughts, however, please just take them with a grain of salt. Only the two of you know and feel exactly what is going on. As your friends, we can offer support and advice, but that doesn't necessarily mean it is the right advice.

If perhaps, you are hesitating because you think that going back with an "ex" is not a good idea, who's to say? It might not be good most of the time, but sometimes it works out as well. Didn't Elizabeth Taylor remarry Richard Burton? I have an aunt and uncle, who over twenty years ago got divorced after a few ugly years together. The story that I've heard told, is that as they were walking down the courthouse steps after the final papers were signed, they agreed to go for a cup of coffee. Well, that conversation over coffee must have been very interesting, because 9 months later they remarried and are still together. Mind you, we refer to them as crazy Uncle Gunther and Aunt Anna - heeheehee.

Last comment: If you are looking for opinions to help you decide, I recently read this little bit by someone who I feel has had alot of life experience so I trust his statements:

quote:

---

...cause, when I was on my deathbed, I didn't want to hear myself saying, "I wish I had...."; I wanted to say "I did"...

---

Sandalwood: I just wanted to add that I loved the poem you shared. I printed it out and added to my little personal collection of favourite things.

Well, Vendome, you did solicit opinions, so here's what another female is thinking.

A couple of things struck me. You mentioned that your ex had remarried - unhappily. I'm just wondering if her unhappiness is the motivating factor (unconsciously, perhaps) in seeing you in such a positive light these days. I'm not suggesting that you're not utterly irresistable, but don't you wonder about the renewed interest on her part? I know that in past relationships, if there were problems or, especially after a break-up when I was feeling lonely, I'd start to think back on past beaus... I now think of it as digging up old bones.

And how about you, Vendome? You don't mention having someone special in your life, so are you perhaps a little lonesome, too? Is that what causes you to think so much about the good times you had with your ex and as a family, than to remember what you described as a difficult divorce?

As for your son, no matter how old he is, there might always be that child that remains in him that wishes his mom and dad could be together again. My neice and nephews, all in their 20's, feel that way about my brother and his ex.

I'm not suggesting that you head for the hills and away from your ex. I think I'm just suggesting that you use caution and not do anything in haste. What you shared with her represents a huge part of your life - it's comfortable and familiar. But it is in the past. Just make sure you're in touch, truly, with where you're coming from, both in your heart of hearts and in your head. Be careful and the best of luck to you. We may all tell you different things, but we all do care.

I loved the poem also Sandalwood. Thank you for sharing it with us

Aww thanks Astrix and Jo..I sure helped lift me that day!!

Opps typo
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Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

[This message has been edited by sandalwood (edited 09-02-2000).]

THE PAIN OF BECOMING

"For the flower, it is fully open
at each step of its blossoming"

>From Mark Nepo's "The Book Of Awakening"

"We do ourselves a great disservice by judging where
we are in comparison to some final destination. This
is one of the pains of aspiring to become something:
the stage of development we are in is seen against the
imagined landscape of what we are striving for. So
where we are - though closer all the time - is never
enough.

The simple rose, at each moment of its slow blossoming,
is as open as it can be. The same is true of our lives. In
each stage of our unfolding, we are stretched as possible.
For the human heart is quite slow to blossom, and is only
seen as lacking when compared to the imagined lover or
father or mother we'd like to become.

It helps to see ourselves as flowers. If a flower were to push
itself open, which it can't, it would tear. Yet we humans
can and often do push ourselves. Often we tear in places
no one can see. When we push ourselves to unfold faster
or more deeply than is natural, we thwart ourselves.
For nature takes time, and most of our problems stem
from impatience."

Remember today my friend that in this moment, you
are Enough - you are WHOLE... you ARE complete...

Breathe in for just a moment...

b - r - e - a - t - h - e

"Close your eyes for just a moment and meditate on a
simple yellow rose that is budding...

Breathe in and do not wait for the rose to fully open
to see its beauty...

Rather, focus on the yellow petals about to open.
See their beauty now.

Breathe deeply, and look upon yourself as such a rose;
do not wait for some imagined end to see your own beauty

Rather inhale and appreciate the beauty of yourself
about to open"

And so it is...

b - r - e - a - t - h - e

Allow yourself today to celebrate WHERE YOU ARE.

You'll get to where you're going, we all do...

The KEY is to honor your SELF

To honor your journey

To honor the land

To honor the water

To honor the sky...

b - r - e - a - t - h - e

and just let go...

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Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

Hi - I've been feeling kind of down today, couldn't sleep, so came on-line to escape for a bit. In somewhat of a talkative mood, even though this isn't really talking, rather typing... but work with me on this one.. LOL.

I've got to go to a funeral tomorrow for a friend who died suddenly a few days ago - just found out about it yesterday. It will be okay - I know I can cope (if I keep telling myself that I will convince myself ). Anyway, enough rambling - just wanted to say that I was looking back on my posts from a few days ago re dealing with depression - I hope I didn't sound like an ex-smoker or ex-drinker preaching because that certainly wasn't my intention. I guess that's why I didn't come back to add more to it. I only wanted to share a book that I had found helpful.

I also want to say that I value the connection and relationship (however distant) that seems to exist here. I am, by nature and necessity, a private and somewhat distant person - please forgive me if I seem that way. Thank you for being my anonymous friends.

Okay, enough of that (where's the kleenex?). Time to sing - that always cheers me up:
I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day;
(bom-bom-bom-bom-bom bomp, bom-bom-bom-bom-bom bomp)
When it's cold outside
I've got the month of May.
(bom-bom-bom-bom-bom bomp, bom-bom-bom-bom-bom bomp)

I - guess - you'd - say
What can make me feel this way?

Astix? Are you feeling any better now? Sometimes it is only time that can help.

No need to ever apologize here..LOL unless you call someone names.

I have a question though. I am and always have been a very open and friendly out going person. Why is it that you are a private and distant person? I have always wondered why people are so different. My sister is very private and distant also and we were reared in the same home..Same parents ect...Would you please if you chose share with me why you have become this way. It is just an interest that I have in knowing..

Thanks!!

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Sandalwood's Cosmic Creations: Working with the magic of love....

I have just received a phone call from my best friend, her husband died in the night aged 53, I have known David for 23 years. He was in Odessa, Ukraine (ex-Russia) on holiday, felt unwell yesterday and was found dead this morning. This couldn't have come at a worse time, I feel so utterly useless as I am going away in the morning so cannot even get over to see her. I feel like a traitor going away like this but what can I do, if I cancel the holiday I will lose a lot of money as he isn't a close family member, she has a large family here so I am not sure what I could do if I did cancel - I am now torn in two. My daughter will attend the funeral in my absence, then she would go anyway as June is her Godmother and she has obviously known David all of her life.

I am very upset as you can imagine.

------------------
From over the pond....

[This message has been edited by sue943 (edited 09-06-2000).]

Astrix, how are you feeling? I know what it feels like to lose a close friend. I lost one of my best friends at the age of 17. She died of cancer, but she never told me what was wrong with her, so I never knew how seriously ill she was. When her mother phoned me to tell me she had passed away the ground beneath my feet literally dissappeared. I was physically ill for days, I couldn't do anything anymore.
I can't give you any advice about how dealing with it, 'cause everybody deals with things like these in a different way. It's been 7 years now, I can't believe it's already been that long! She will always be in my heart & I'll never forget her.

Dear Astrix and Sue, I feel great sympathy for the both of you. Losing someone you care about is one of the hardest experiences to go through. It is completely natural to mourn at a time like this and I believe that the mourning process is not only natural but beneficial and healing as well. When you experience a separation trauma such as a death, you may feel that there is darkness surrounding you and the rest of the world just comes to a stop momentarilly. It is at this time that you are paying a warm and loving tribute to your friend and this, my dear helps to validate your friends life. Knowing that someone still cares and thinks about you after leaving this world is a great honor. If you feel like the world has come to a sudden stop for awhile, and you want to put a 'closed' sign on your life for the day, that is because you are celebrating your friends life. I know that this may sound strange, but I believe that this is true. After all, don't we put 'closed' signs on the doors of our businesses on President's Day? On Presidents Day, we might not feel the pain, but we dedicate the day to the lives of some of the greatest men in our country. So, why not to do this for a friend. When the healing process begins, remember that to let go of another person doesn't mean that you lose that person. We never truly lose anyone. As everything in life must change, the evolution of friendships must also. Your memories will give you a spiritual connection with your friend. Just as the caterpillar hatches from the egg, it uses all of its energy to feed and grow. Its body grows bigger it sheds its skins several times only to become a beautiful butterfly with wings. I hope you understand what I am trying to say here. Now that your friend has earned her wings, may you embrace his/her flight into the sunset into peace and freedom knowing that he/she left a part of him/her in your heart. hug to both of you.

[This message has been edited by JoJo2 (edited 09-06-2000).]

Sue, I've already told you this in another post, but I wanted to reiterate it here. Please know that you are very special to us and that I know it's really hard for you to leave with the news that you just received. Please take care of yourself, and remember that you're in many a thought right now.

Thank you Linda and to the others who have given me support today through e-mail, I am very grateful.

------------------
From over the pond....

Dear Sue, I read the post by Astrix early this morning and I was trying to take of some personal busineess my thoughts kept coming back to her and her loss. I finally decided to drop everything and reply before too much time had passed. In my rush to post, I failed to see your post about your recent and personal loss. I am so very sorry Sue. I think the world of you and you have been a very dear friend that has been there for me and I wasn't there for you. I can't find the words to express how deeply I regret not taking the time to read each post when I entered here. I hope you will forgive me. I know how excited you were about your trip and I pray that with the love and support from all of us and your friends and family at home, you will manage to go on your trip and make the best of it somehow. My thoughts are with you dear.

PS. I edited my prior post to Astrix and included you as well, but I didn't think that was fair of me not to explain that I am aware of my oversite and I sadly regret it. Big hugs

Hi all - well, today is another day. Thank you all for your kind words; also, my sympathy to you, Sue943. I don't have anything inspiring to say here, and I don't really want to dwell on sad thoughts too much. Don't want to seem uncaring, but I think out of necessity I have to try to get on with day-to-day things. So... I'm going to think about the FunTrivia Tavern and the Challenge forums tonight. :-)

Sandalwood, I will try to answer your question as best I am able: I feel that I am an outgoing and fun-loving person; I'm not the quiet, shy type - just ask the folks at the local pub. By privacy and distance, I was referring to personal history and family matters. I suppose that comes from my upbringing - my parents grew up in war-time Germany. My father was a child during WWII, however, when I went to school I was often singled out and bullied that I was a Nazi-child or my father was a Nazi. (By the way, he was only 15 when the war ended, so was definitely not). You learn pretty quick to hide your background. You also pick up mannerisms from your parents, I believe. My father, as a child, also learned that it was best to say too little, rather than accidently say too much. He often told me this story, one of many, which I know upsets him even to this day:

My grandfather had died early in the war, and my grandmother struggled to raise four children on her own. My father was often sent to live with this uncle or that uncle. His favourite would listen to the Allied Free Radio (sorry, not sure of the exact name now) and my father, who was about 12 at the time, knew that it was a secret. One day there was a news report that the train station in their city had been bombed by allied planes. My father was devastated because his older sister worked there. That night he was sent to sleep at another uncle's house and couldn't get to sleep and was crying. When that aunt and uncle questioned him as to why he was upset, he told them how he heard the station was bombed and he was scared that his sister might have been hurt or killed. Well, this second uncle was a Nazi sympathizer and immediately flew into a rage wanting to know how my father heard this (unknown to my father, no reports had been made by German news sources re the train station bombing). To end this story, the first uncle was arrested for listening to forbidden radio, and was only saved by my grandmother and a few aunts getting together and pleading to have him released and not executed.

Anyway, I'm getting off track here a bit. I just wanted to give you an idea how an incident such as this, along with others, can make one hesitate to speak of personal events, specifying names and places.

My husband's background is also similar in that he grew up in a communist country where you were best not to talk too much.

And with that all said, I am now sitting here and thinking I just wrote down more information than I normally ever would have and if I click the "Submit Reply" button, I am going to share it with all the world - anyone who happens to visit FunTrivia and come and read this thread. Ohh well, here goes....

[This message has been edited by Astrix (edited 12-10-2000).]

Thank you for sharing Astrix. I admire your courage and strength. After everything you have gone through, you have an amazing amount of love and warmth in your heart. You're a real sweetheart.