Back in the early 90s, I worked in the Housing Department at my local Council. I worked on the finances, but my colleagues put through the orders for general repairs.

One day we were all trying to listen in to a call that was making someone laugh out loud and after she managed to calm down enough, she told us about the call.

An elderly female tenant had rung in as she was concerned that she may have fouled up the sewerage system. She had not made it to the toilet on time and had filled her panties. She was rather a large lady. She sat on the toilet to complete her business and removed the panties. She decided to put as much of the offending mess down the toilet as she could, then she flushed the toilet while holding the panties in the flow to get as much as possible in the right place.

Only she let go!

She was worried that her plus size panties would foul up the system, but was quick to point out that if the panties were retrieved, she did NOT want them back!

I used to work for the CAB (Citizens Advice Bureau), for those living in countries without them, they are a voluntary organisation which provides information and advice on virtually every subject or gives details of where to get the required information (for instance they don't give health advice). From time to time we got some really strange queries and if a real dilly was coming by telephone often the advisory taking the call would echo back to the client so that we got more of the flavour of the call rather than just the one side. One such call went as follows...

So the postman pushed the parcel through your catflap which had been sealed as you do not have a cat...

I see, and your budgie was flying loose at the time...

Ah, the neighbour's cat came in and caught the budgie and took it out into the garden...

He didn't eat the budgie and you managed to retrieve it...

But it died later, I am so sorry...

No, when you complained to the post office they really ought not to have laughed, that was very upsetting for you. At the very least they ought to apologise to you and offer to buy you a replacement budgie.
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By this time the tears were running down our faces and the poor advisor was trying SO hard not to laugh but virtually fell off her chair after hanging up.

I used to work behind the bar in a Social Club.

One Saturday night, Paddy's wife told him to go close the automatic closing back door that had been propped open with a dustbin to let some air in, as the wind had changed direction and it was now creating an awful draft.

Paddy went out, picked up the bin, turned around and put it back in its usual place. He then turned back to see the closed door. He ended up having to walk round to the front of the club to get back in as everyone was too busy laughing to go open the door for him. Only an Irishman!