Special Sub-Topic: The Great Jim Gaffigan Click Here To Play: The Great Jim Gaffigan

Where is Jim from?

Indiana. Jim moved from Indiana to new York to pursue an entertainment career. "I know what most of you are thinking. Indiana... Mafia."

What kind of pride does Jim say his home state has?

"We're from Indiana, and we're gonna move.". Born and raised in Chesterton, IN, Jim's birthday is July 7th. "We had something similar to the Mafia where I grew up--4H"

What temper does Jim mention?

Latin. "Cuz if you're Hispanic and you get angry, people are like, 'He's got a Latin temper!' But if you're a white guy and you get angry, people are like, 'That guy's a jerk! Stay away from him, he's a turd!'"

Who does Jim say his mother was?

Elton John. "The reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John. He was a very good mommy!"

What does Jim think when an attractive stranger smiles at him?

"Oh, they're nice". "If a stranger smiles at you and they're attractive you think, Oh, they're nice." While doing research for this quiz, I discovered that only forty percent of Americans consider themselves attractive.

What does Jim think when an ugly stranger smiles at him?

"What do they want?". "But if the stranger's ugly, you're like,What do they want?" According to the same research, sixty percent of all Americans believe they are ugly.

What does Jim see when he is single?

Couples. "Isn't it strange when you're single, all you see are couples?" The same research turned up that approximately fity-six percent of all Americans are married.

How many shots of Yeager does Jim suggest for his girlfriend?

Eight & 8. "I'll have a glass of water, and you want a shot of Yeager? You want eight of 'em?" Short for Jagaermeister, it is a sweet, yellow Italian herbal liquor. It is flavored with various herbs, flowers and spices, including anise, licorice and vanilla, giving it an unique taste.

What example does Jim use in his "You don't drink?" bit?

You don't use mayonnaise, why?. "You don't use mayonnaise, why? Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it OK if I use mayonnaise? I could go outside..." The average tablespoon of mayonnaise contains 100 calories.

According to Jim, what culture developed bottled water?

French. "That must've been some weird marketing meeting over in France. Some French guy's sitting there, 'How dumb do I think the Americans are? I bet you we could sell those idiots water.'" French companies such as Evian and Perrier are sold in the United States, but since the French protest of 2003's Iraqi War, many Americans are going for home-based products.

Where did Jim once work?

Mexican restaurant. "What is nacho? Tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables. Then what is a burrito? Tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables. Then what is a tostata? Tortilla with cheese, meat, or vegetables. Then what is.. It's all the same! Why don't you say a Spanish word and I'll bring ya something!" The difference between many Spanish dishes is the presentation and spices used.

Who does Jim trust?

People with glasses. "I trust people with glasses. You can do that dramatic removal." No wonder Jim trusts people with glasses; he wore glasses until he had the LASIK surgery performed.

According to Jim, what are people in movies thinking when they chew on the end of their glasses?

This tastes like wax!. "This tastes like wax! Plastic!" One often sees people chew on the end of glasses in 1950's and 1960's black and white sci-fi movies.

What does Jim say he wants to do in retaliation for people asking to try on his glasses?

All of these (Ask to try on a hairpiece, Ask to try on a respirator, Ask to sit in a wheelchair). "I don't go up to people with hairpieces. Let me try on your wig! I feel like it. Let me sit in your wheelchair. You are so crippled! Let me check out your respirator. (wheeze) Stop shaking! (wheeze, wheeze) Now's no time for a nap! High voice: "Someone died in that joke. That was a sad joke. Sad joke." One British critic complained that Jim's high-pitched voice (which he believes is what the audience is thinking) was grating and annoying.

Jim says people in New York demand directions from him?

t. "'Let's go, buddy, Holland Tunnel!' Suddenly, you're wasting their time!" At the time of this special, Jim had lived in NYC for 11 years.

What does Jim feel he must do when he's out of town for a week?

Send a postcard. "Whenever I'm out of town for at least a week, I feel like I should write a postcard or something. But you could be a genius, but you try and write a postcard, you come across like a moron anyway. This city's got big buildings. I like food. Bye." In this age of e-mails and fax machines, one rarely gets a postcard anymore.

What does Jim do when he sends a postcard?

Quizzes the recipient. "That's why when I send a postcard, I quiz people. Did you get my postcard? 'Yeah, yeah.' Oh, really, what'd I say? 'You were having a...' I was in jail."

Why doesn't Jim go to the post office?

Has to put on pants. "I gotta go to the post office, but I'd probably have to put on pants. They're only open til 5. I'm gonna have to do that next week. I need a little more free time!" Couldn't the post office be considered a monopoly? Really, they are the only ones in the country that are allowed to distribute mail. Think about that one.

What channel does Jim ridicule?

Lifetime. "You know what channel I love? Lifetime, because Lifetime is television for women. Lifetime, Television for women. Yet for some reason, there's always a woman getting beaten on that network. In a Lifetime original, Meredith Baxter Birney gets beaten with a rod in a Lifetime original "Rod"."

According to his routine, what is his favorite animal?

Manatee. "Doesn't the manatee look like a guest on the Ricki Lake show? 'Uh Ricki, I'm here because I'm endangered.' Then one of those mean people in the audience would offer up the advice. 'Yeah, I wanna say something to the sea pig.' 'Sea cow.' 'Whatever. Sea pig, you gotta get yourself an education and a job.' 'I live in the ocean.' 'It just so happens you live in the ocean 'cuz you ain't got no job.'" On Jim's official website, he has a link to a "Save the Manatees" website.

What movie did Jim see that he wanted to talk about six years too late?

"Heat". "'Heat? I saw that six years ago!' Yeah, wanna talk about it now! 'No, loser!'" He's right, there is that awkward pause when you've seen a movie too late, unless it's a classic like "Casablanca" or "The Godfather."

How long (in pages) was the book that Jim read?

250. "What was it about? No idea! Took me two years!"

In his routine, what does he say is the name of his youngest brother?

Ruben. "The first kid, you were named after grandma. The seventh kid, you were named after a sandwich I had." For those who don't know, a ruben is a corned beef sandwich on rye bread. Ruben is also the winner of the 2003 season of "American Idol."

What does Jim claim to be the ultimate bragging rights?

Parents of Pope. "Oh, your son's a doctor, ours is Pope. He has a house? Ours has his own city. It's in Europe." The Pope's city is called Vatican City. It's on the eastern coast of Italy.

Finally, how did Jim's version of Peter's letter to the Apostles begin?

Dear Apostles:. "Letter to the apostles--Dear apostles, how was your weekend? Sure is hot here. Tell Jesus hey. This is the Word of the Lord. That's it for me everyone. Good night!" The real letters that Peter wrote to the Apostles can be found in Peter 1 and 2. While you're there, check out the rest of the Bible. Hope that you enjoyed this quiz, and thanks for playing!