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The Evil Essay
"As an English instructor, I spend a good deal of my life helping people write essays. See if you already know the basics of essay writing--or, as I call it, "The Evil Essay"."
15 Points Per Correct Answer - No time limit
Your professor asks you to write an essay discussing the degenerate behavior of college students. You have no idea where to begin. What is an effective way to start writing this paper?
Write the essay spontaneously
Buy an essay online
Ask the professor for a different topic
When writing an essay, you want to stick to the subject. You don't want to begin with an idea on women's liberation, and then end up discussing why you'll die alone and childless. What is the first thing you must do to establish your main idea?
Include a sentence that says, "This paper is about..."
Develop a clear thesis statement
Provide an outline for the reader
The Introduction- You can't immediately jump into your paper, proposing that every child deserves a pony. What should your introduction do?
Offer your thesis statement
Supply important introductory information
Gain the reader's interest
All of these
The Body- The paragraphs in your essay must uphold your thesis statement (which incidentally reads, "Thesis statements negatively impact human happiness"). The evidence you provide to support your main points must be all of the following EXCEPT:
The Conclusion- What should your conclusion include? (No, it can't end "Lotsa love, ya'll!").
The statement: "This is the end of my essay..."
A look to the past
A suggestion that this topic has been completely explored
A return to your thesis
You have written the introduction, body, and conclusion of your essay entitled "Why God Loves America More Than Your Country". What is this--er--first effort called?
While you revise your written product, you realize that your supporting paragraphs just don't "flow" that well. You need to add some handy-dandy words to help better connect your ideas. What are these words called?
Aside from lack of originality, lack of motivation, and a faulty printer, what problem do many essay-writers stumble upon?
Subject is too broad
Both of these
Subject is too narrow
Neither of these
You have completed almost all steps of the writing process. Phew! Now the only thing left to do is make sure you dotted your Is, crossed your Ts, and wiped off that coffee stain. What is this tedious step called?
The Title- You can give your essay any title you want: "An In-Depth Discussion of Cat Owners' Landholding Records" or "Gosh, I Love My Kitty Cat". Either way, the title is the first thing your reader sees, but is usually the last thing you should write.
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Compiled May 18 13