Teacher Feature - Educators in Song Quiz

Answer: "He wears dark glasses"

Pat and Barbara K MacDonald formed Timbuk3 in 1984 in Wisconsin, releasing their first album, "Greetings from Timbuk3", in 1986. "The Future's So Bright, I Gotta Wear Shades" is the opening cut on the album, and was released as a single the same year. It reached number 19 in the US, and number 18 in the UK.

The initial inspiration for the song came from a comment Barbara had made several years earlier, when she and Pat were newly-weds starting a family, were getting lots of gigs, and had an EP due for release. "The future is looking so bright, we'll have to wear sunglasses!" she said, and meant it. But Pat immediately gave the comment an ironic twist, and later wrote the song as a not-in-so-many-words warning about possible nuclear war. Notwithstanding his repeated claims that the song was really quite 'grim', and the obviously bleak overtones of the video accompanying the song, many young people took it on as an anthem, and it became popular as a graduation song. Which is a bit like playing Tammy Wynette's "D-I-V-O-R-C-E" at your wedding reception...

Answer: "Leaning over me, he was trying to explain the laws of geometry"

A promotional video was made for the song - featuring Abba singer Agnetha as the schoolgirl, and Swedish actor Magnus Härenstam as the teacher - though it was never released as a single. I remember seeing the video as a kid and thinking it was the most romantic thing ever - boy was I disappointed when I got to high-school! Then again, Härenstam was the host of the Swedish version of "Jeopardy" for many years, and I did have a teacher who bore an uncanny resemblance to a young Alex Trebek...

A notable cover-version of the song - if for no other reason than the title of the album it is on, "ExtrABBAganza!" - was released in 1997 by the San Francisco Gay Men's Chorus.

Answer: "The lovesick blues"

Okay, picking up the gay musician for singing it straight is probably a low blow, but I like to see it more as pointing out how far we've progressed as a tolerant society. This song was released in 1973, on Elton's "Don't Shoot Me, I'm Only the Piano Player" album. In 1995, the album was re-released with bonus tracks, one of them being "Screw You (Young Man's Blues)", which includes lyrics which probably more closely reflect Elton's (or Reg, as he then was) school days:

"At the school I attended I got into fights
I was beaten in an alley on a cold winter night
The teachers cared less for the blood in our veins
They got most of their thrills out of using a cane"

Then in 2005 - having become Sir Elton, no less - our singer was able to marry his long-time partner, David Furnish, in a civil ceremony. The publicity, media circus and general frou-frou surrounding the event was rivalled only by Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer's marriage in 1981! Ah, we have come a long way, see?

Answer: Tears for Fears

"Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me"

Roland Orzabal and Curt Smith formed Tears for Fears in Bath, England, and released their first album - "The Hurting" - in 1983. "Mad World" was one of three UK top ten singles from the album - the other two being "Pale Shelter" and "Change". Throughout the 1980s, Tears for Fears delivered a steady supply of heart-felt techno-ballads, which at the time seemed terribly meaningful, but in hindsight just sound like one big whine. The songs come across as indulgent in the extreme, and give the impression that Orzabal and Smith's mothers are waiting to sweep into the studio give them a nice hot cup of cocoa, hand them their pre-warmed slippers, and tell them they'd better put their feet up after a long hard sing. To give the band credit, song-writer Orzabal has been quoted as saying about "Mad World": "That came when I lived above a pizza restaurant in Bath and I could look out onto the centre of the city. Not that Bath is very mad - I should have called it 'Bourgeois World'!"

American singer Gary Jules' version was released as a single in 2003, after the DVD release of "Donnie Darko" saw the film rapidly gain cult status. The single reached number one in the UK, two places better than the original could manage.

Answer: "I don't feel tardy"

"Hot for Teacher" appears on Van Halen's "1984" album, strangely enough released in 1984. The song, and its even less subtle video clip, had all sorts of people up in arms, which probably only helped it to 36th place on VH1's list of best hard rock songs of all time (2009). There is very little point in quoting the song's lyrics - if you've heard it you know how it goes, if you haven't heard it I'm sure you can guess how it goes!

When the song was first released I was 14, and it was a simpler time, a time before the arm of American culture had developed quite such a long reach. So when I heard David Lee Roth leering "I don't feel tardy", I had no idea what it meant, but it sounded dirty. When I did find out what it meant, years later, the knowledge somehow only served to make it sound even dirtier. I guess it's just that once you've seen DLR in those tight white pants, there's no way to imagine anything clean ever leaving his mouth!

Answer: To Sir, with Love

"But how do you thank someone
Who has taken you from crayons to perfume?"

Well, in my case, with a whole bunch of sneezing as I'm allergic to most perfumes, and high-pitched demands to give me my crayons back! Not so though for the boys and girls in Mr Thackeray (Poitier's) class, a bunch of rough, tough, mouthy London teenagers...at first. Of course, by the end of the movie, Mr Thackeray has 'made a connection' with this prime example of troubled youth, straightened them all out, and is everyone's hero. Well, that's what it's like, isn't it?

Being the swinging sixties, things were fairly laid-back when it came to 'crossing the line' between teacher and friend (or even 'special' friend) - the movie's tagline is "As fresh as the girls in their minis." Quite.

Meanwhile, "To Sir, with Love" went to number one on the UK chart for Lulu, and has been covered by just about everybody since. Possibly the most bizarre performance of the song was given by 10,000 Maniacs' Natalie Merchant and REM's Michael Stipe, at President Bill Clinton's inaugural ball in 1993. I'm trying to imagine it, but my brain's self-preservation mechanism must have kicked in...

"If you wanted the moon,
I would try to make a start...but I
Would rather you let me give my heart
To [Bill], with love."

Answer: "...you sing."

The song appears on The White Stripes' album "White Blood Cells" (2001), and was released by the American husband and wife team as a single in 2002. It conjures up images of a couple of well-looked after but scruffy kids - possibly even bare-foot - running everywhere (never walking), playing in the dirt, collecting bugs, and generally enjoying all there is to enjoy about being a kid. And these kids even enjoy going to school and learning!

"Tonight I'll dream while I'm in bed
When silly thoughts go through my head
About the bugs and alphabet
And when I wake tomorrow I'll bet
That you and I will walk together again
'Cause I can tell that we are gonna be friends
Yes I can tell that we are gonna be friends"

In 2006, Hawaiian singer Jack Johnson achieved the seemingly impossible when he released an even cuter version of the song than the original; it appears on his album "Sing-a-Longs and Lullabies for the Film 'Curious George'". As the title suggests, the album is the soundtrack for the animated feature film "Curious George", which, by the way, has the priceless tagline "Show me the monkey!"

Answer: "Same old backsides again"

The image is of kids going wild, with their teachers not far behind.

"Naughty boys in nasty schools
Headmasters breaking all the rules
Having fun and playing fools
Smashing up the woodwork tools
All the teachers in the pub
Passing 'round the ready-rub
Trying not to think of when
The lunch-time bell will ring again."

Ready-rub, by the way, is a type of loose tobacco.

The song comes from the album "Absolutely", and was written by the band's inimitable front-man, Suggs (I could tell you his real name, but that would spoil the fun entirely!) With their pork-pie hats, distinctive all-in-a-line walking style, and sheer joie de vive, Madness produced a string of hit songs, including "House of Fun", "Our House", and the ballad "It Must Be Love". Sheer exhaustion must have played a part in their 1988 break-up, but in 1992 they reunited for their 'Madstock!' concert in Finsbury Park, London, and have continued in various forms since then.

Answer: Don't Stand So Close to Me

"Young teacher, the subject
Of schoolgirl fantasy
She wants him so badly
Knows what she wants to be
Inside her there's longing
This girl's an open page
Book marking - she's so close now
This girl is half his age

Don't stand, don't stand so
Don't stand so close to me"

Sting (Gordon Sumner, any fun in keeping his real name a mystery was destroyed long ago) has denied the song is autobiographical. Well, he would, wouldn't he?

Released in 1980 on the Police album "Zenyatta Mondatta", the song picked up a Grammy Award for Best Rock Performance by a Duo or Group with Vocal (doesn't that just roll off the tongue) in 1982. Then in 1986 they went and ruined it all by re-recording it as "Don't Stand So Close to Me '86", one of Sting's attempts to go all jazz and 'scat', which could lead me to the obvious pun, but I shall restrain myself in this instance. Not that old Gordo can't do the blue-eyed-soul thing on his day; just that 1986 obviously wasn't his day.

Answer: Setting off a fire-alarm to impress a young lady

"When I finished the note, it was ready to pass,
The teacher took it, and read it right in front of the class,
She read it word-by-word and line-by-line,
And everybody who was laughing was a friend of mine,
Even then my girl was laughing, and it was too late,
For me to write another note 'cause there would be no date,
The teacher looked at me, and I said I know,
It's off to the principal's office I go"

Again, no points off for revealing Young MC's name as Marvin Young, as he tells us as much in the song. Now, I consider myself to have fairly eclectic tastes in music, but I have to say that rap generally leaves me less than impressed. However, the odd track tickles me the proverbial pink, and (you guessed it) "Principal's Office" (1989) is one of them. It has a - dare I say it - old-school feel, and represents one of those rare times when rappers actually remembered that songs are meant to have a tune. Unsurprisingly, Young MC was also involved in some of the other songs I include in this group, namely his own "Bust a Move" (1989), and two hits he wrote for Tone Loc: "Wild Thing" (1988) and "Funky Cold Medina" (1989). Admittedly, all these songs are so similar you could be forgiven for getting them mixed up, but hey, even The Beatles wrote the same song over and over again in their early years.

I've just realised why I like "Principal's Office", at least in part, and why 1989 seems to be a very appropriate place to leave this review of teachers in song: I finished school in 1989! Isn't it great how things come together like that? If you've enjoyed this look at the 'days of the old school yard' half as much as I have, then I've had twice as much fun as you!