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'On Friday and Saturday nights it has more public toilets than anywhere else in Britain, elsewhere they are called doorways.' This is a famous Bill Bryson quote about which iconic seaside resort?

Blackpool. I don't think he likes Blackpool. It is most famous for its 'illuminations' (tired looking light-up adverts, mostly for Lego), but Bryson mentions the following astounding statistics: 'It attracts more visitors than Greece and has more holiday beds than Portugal. It consumes more chips per capita than anywhere else on the planet (it gets through 40 acres of potatoes a day). It has the largest concentration of roller coasters in Europe. It has the continent's second most popular tourist attraction,the 42 acre Pleasure Beach, whose 6.5 million annual visitors are exceeded in number only by those going to the Vatican.'

In 2005 Southend-on-Sea had the longest pier in the world.

t. The pier is one and a half miles long, but the town is otherwise rather undistinguished. It's in Essex, and is one of the nearest seaside resorts for London.

King George V's official last words were 'How's the Empire?' However, it is widely (though, alas, probably apocryphally) reported that his last word was the name of a traditional coastal town. Which one?

Bognor. He conferred a 'Regis' title on this West Sussex town earlier in his reign, after his health was restored there. During his final illness, the town invited him back to see if they could cure him again. However, it would seem that he was somewhat underwhelmed by the idea, as his second to last word was alliterative and not complimentary.

Which formerly genteel bathing place had a previous life as home to an 11th century battle?

Hastings. The Battle of Hastings, fought in 1066. Normans 1 - England 0. Hastings, located on the south coast in East Sussex, used to be rather posh, but these days, like so many holiday spots, it is very run down, and has been classed as socially deprived.

According the popular song: 'Didn't we 'ave a loverly time the day we went to'... where?

Bangor. 'A beautiful day, we had lunch on the way And all for under a pound, you know That on the way back I cuddled with Jack And we opened a bottle of cider Singing a few of our favourite songs As the wheels went round' And so on ad nauseam (Elsie's nausea actually, due to a combination of jellied eels and fairground rides in verse 3). It is not known for sure which Bangor is meant. It probably is the one in Ireland, but could be the one in Wales.

Which northern town has a statue to its most famous son, comedian Eric Morecambe?

Morecambe. Half of comedy superduo 'Morecambe and Wise': real name John Bartholomew. Eric loved the place so much, he took it as his stage name. 'Now listen here, sunshine. I played all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.' You can buy a replica statue on line for the bargain price of £1995. Look http://www.morecambe.co.uk/Ibbeson/eric.html. (At first, I thought the website was a joke, but sadly it isn't).

Newquay, self-proclaimed surf-capital of the UK, is in which county?

Cornwall. Newquay on Cornwall's Atlantic coast is very popular with British surfers, and is said to have great conditions for the sport, with the notable exception of the weather. Amongst other things the town is also home to a zoo and 'Spheremania'. No, I don't know either.

In 2005 Great Yarmouth walked away with what record?

UK's largest windfarm. In 2005 there were 30 winds turbines on the farm, each measuring 40 metres across and 50 metres in length, and weighing 200 tonnes. Oh, and Great Yarmouth itself is in East Anglia.

Which still popular resort is famous - amongst other things - for: The Prince Regent Antique shops Squabbling with a close neighbour The world's silliest beach hut?

Brighton. Ok, the last one might be a little subjective, but if you haven't been to the Prince Regent's Brighton Pavilion, take a look here www.royalpavilion.org.uk Do you agree? Brighton is almost unique amongst UK seaside towns in having reverted to 'cool' status. The many antiques shops in 'The Lanes' have helped this rejuvenation, much to the consternation of close neighbour Hove, whose residents have always considered it the classier of the two towns.

Which of the following seaside resorts cannot be found on the Isle of Wight?

Whitstable. Whitstable is in Kent, all the others are on 'The Island' which claims to mimic the whole landscape of the UK in a space just 23 by 15 miles. Queen Victoria retired to the IOW after the death of her idolised husband, Prince Albert. Tennyson lived here. It is home to the world's only regular hovercraft service. And there are no horses, because everyone prefers Cowes to Ryde.