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Poacher Arrested! Claims "Beast Swallowed Two!"

Little Red Riding Hood. A talking wolf wearing a nightgown and cap? It doesn't look good for the hunter.

Schoolyard Masher Chased Off!

Georgie Porgie. Female victims in highly emotional state. Attack only ended once other boys entered vicinity, according to reports.

Mile-High Crop Harvested, Everyone Eats!

Jack and the Beanstalk. Beans for all! Some witnesses claim they saw a giant man fall off the stalk. Possible cause of earthquake and giant man-shaped hole.

Danger at the Old Well, Water Carriers Injured, One Critical!

Jack and Jill. Jill was sent for a tumble, but Jack's condition may require surgery to repair his broken "crown" (once doctors decide what that is exactly).

Local Girl Attacked! "Eight-Legged Monster!" Cries Maiden

Little Miss Muffet. That'll teach her to eat curds and whey on a tuffet.

Pastry Crook Nabbed!

The Queen of Hearts. Rumors abound as to the real relationship between the Queen and the Knave, (beware of the King!)

Stiffed Exterminator Takes Tots!

The Pied Piper. Always pay what you owe to any and all traveling, musical ratcatchers. Lesson learned.

Sugar Shack Whack!

Hansel and Gretel. The so-called "Gingerbread Witch" was found in her own oven, burned alive. Foul play suspected.

Blonde Intruder At Large!

Goldilocks and the Three Bears. She's a porridge-eating, chair-breaking, sleeping machine! Lock your doors!

Kiss Cures Coma!

Sleeping Beauty. Where was Georgie Porgie for the past hundred years?