Special Sub-Topic: "Goon Show" Episode Titles Click Here To Play: "Goon Show" Episode Titles

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title: "The Affair of the Lone ______."

Banana. First aired 13 November 1953. Bloodnok: "One of us must volunteer." Seagoon: "Yes, one of us must." Eccles: "Yup, one of us must volunteer. Yup, yup, yup." Bloodnok: "Well, who is it going to be Seagoon?" Seagoon: "I'm terribly sorry - but I have a wife and sixty-three children." Bloodnok: "I too have a wife and children. That only leaves dear old..." SFX: [Panicky rattling of telephone] Eccles: "Hello, hello, operator? Get me the marriage bureau. Hello?" Bloodnok: "Eccles, you, you, you, coward you. Oh, you coward, you naughty coward. Seagoon? You're youngest, you go." Seagoon: "Me? You wouldn't send an old man out there?" Bloodnok: "You? You're not an old man." Seagoon: "Give me five minutes to make up and you'll never know the difference."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title: "The Dreaded ______ _______ Hurler of Bexhill-on-Sea."

Batter Pudding. First aired 12 October 1954. Seagoon: "Now are you aware of the danger of German long range guns?" Henry Crun: "Mnk ahh I have it! I've got it, I've got the answer. Just by chance I happen to have on me a box of German matches." Seagoon: "Wonderful! Strike one. Ha, they won't dare fire at their own matches." Henry Crun: "Of course not. Now..." SFX: [Striking match - bomb whistle - explosion] Henry Crun: "...Curse... The British, the British!"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Mystery of the ______ - solved."

Marie Celeste. First aired 16 November 1954. Neddy: "I just read your offer in the paper about the Marie Celeste." Grytpype: "Little Matelot! That was inserted in 1910, 44 years ago!" Neddy: "My paperman has a big round." Grytpype: "Your paperman has a big round what?"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "Ye Bandit of ______ ______

Sherwood Forest. First aired 20 December 1954. Robin Hood: "Oh no! Maid Marion, she's the most beautiful girl in the world!" Friar Balsam: "You must rescue her." Robin Hood: "Yes. I must rescue her, she's so beautiful!" Friar Balsam: "It'll mean certain death for you." Robin Hood: "I don't know, she wasn't that pretty. I wonder where they're keeping her." Eccles: "Where they're keeping her? In the forest of course, because there's plenty of good hiding places there, my dad used to take me there." Robin Hood: "What for?" Eccles: "A good hiding - Ha ha!"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Sinking of ______ Pier."

Westminster. First aired 15 February 1955. Seagoon: "Good morning buddy, yes. So you think you can raise the pier, ey?" Minnie and Henry Crun: "Oh yes, yes! We can! We've done it many times!" Seagoon: "Splendid. Now, what is your profession?" Minnie Bannister: "We're, we're oyster sexers." Seagoon: "Oyster sexers?" Minnie Bannister: "Yes, we can tell the difference, you know..." Seagoon: "At your age that must be quite a revelation. I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in oyster sexing. If I was an oyster I wouldn't be here. Can't have an oyster as chairman of the Westminster Pier Salvage Committee can you?" Henry Crun: "Why not, ey? Why not? It's a free country isn't it? Why shouldn't an oyster be chairman?" Seagoon: "Because an oyster can't talk." Henry Crun: "Have you ever spoken to one?" Seagoon: "Hhhmmmm, no!"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The International ______ Pudding."

Christmas. First aired 15 November 1955. SEAGOON: "Ha hmm. Tell me more about the pudding. Is there a portion somewhere in the Sudan? " BLOODNOK: "It's all here lad, in Africa. Three quarters of it is worshipped as a god by the savage Naringi Burbas, and the other quarter has turned man-eater and is roaming the forest of Ying-Tong-Iddle-I-Po." SEAGOON: "Gad! You mean that portion will have to be shot?" BLOODNOK: "Yes, it will need a man with a steady eye, a hollow tooth and a wooden leg to bring it down." SEAGOON: "Do you know of such a man?" BLOODNOK: "No, but I know a man whose advice would be invaluable to you, but, er, hmm, he'd be too expensive." SEAGOON: "Mmm. Between you and me, how much should I offer him?" BLOODNOK: "Well, between you and me, his usual fee is a thousand, but in my estimation he's worth much more." SEAGOON: "Two?" BLOODNOK: "Three." SEAGOON: "Right. Who is he?" BLOODNOK: "Me." SEAGOON: "Ahaha, Major Bloodnok, I've been told to offer you three thousand pounds." BLOODNOK: "You've been very well advised."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Fear of ______."

Wages. First aired 6 March 1956. Yakamoto: "Please do not shoot!" Seagoon: "Come forward, military Japanese gentleman, but keep your right leg raised." Yakamoto: "Please, I am General Yakamoto, Commander of all Imperial Japanese troops in that tree." Seagoon: "Well?" Yakamoto: "Request, please: have unexpectedly run short of ammunition. Please, can we borrow two boxes until the end of the war?" Bloodnok: "You Japanese are always on the tap... You haven't returned our lawnmower yet!" Yakamoto: "I am velly solly but have not finished mowing jungle." Bloodnok: "No! No more credit! Clear off!" Yakamoto: "Then am forced to surrender." Seagoon: "Surrender? This means war!"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; Drums Along the ______."

Mersey. First aired 11 October 1956. SEAGOON: "Just as I thought. This compass is slow. It says twenty past two." BLOODNOK: "Great brown nutted nurglers! Those villains! They've switched the compass for the wristwatch." SEAGOON: "Gad! And not being men of the sea, we don't know which is which!" BLOODNOK: "Well! Now here's a pretty kettle of fish!" SEAGOON: "So it is, and a damned silly place to leave it!" BLOODNOK: "Yes. Well, we can't stand here all day making these wonderful jokes." SEAGOON: "You're right. Forward!" SFX: [Splash]. SEAGOON: "Stop! Stop! I think we're near a river."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Stolen ______."

Postman. First aired 9 December 1957. Seagoon: "You villains! You can't explode me. I'll..." Grytpype: "Back Neddy. Hands up." Seagoon: "But...but you haven't got a gun." Grytpype: "No, but I'm thinking of one." Seagoon: "Well, I'm thinking of ringing the police. Eccles, think of a telephone." Eccles: "OK." SFX: [Phone rings. Receiver picks up]. Seagoon: "Hello, police? I want to report a..." Grytpype: "Steady Neddy! Put down that telephone that Eccles is thinking of." Seagoon: "I refuse." Grytpype: "Then I'm thinking of shooting you." SFX: [Pistol shot]. Seagoon: "Well I'm thinking of the bullet missing me and hitting Bluebottle." Bluebottle: "Ohi ohhhhi! You rotten swine you."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The White ______ Trade."

Neddie. First aired 3 February 1958. BLOODNOK: "You remember meeee - we served together during the war." NED: "Gad, so we did. The British restaurant!" BLOODNOK: "Of course! I was on the afters, but I deserted." NED: "We mustn't argue over trifles! Listen, what are you doing here?" BLOODNOK: "I'm digging for earth." NED: "Any luck?" BLOODNOK: "No, just gold, gold, gold."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "I Was Monty's ______."

Treble. First aired 9 November 1958. Bill: "Part four. The Germans become suspicious." ORCHESTRA: Deutschland Uber Alles music link Spike (German): "Gentlemen, this is part four, and we have just become suspicious." Peter (German): "I have just opened zis three-ounce tin of suspicion." Harry (German): "It tastes very suspicious." Peter (German): "Then our suspicions are vell founded. Last night General Montgomery was seen talking to a voluptuous woman in za Edgware Road. At zea same time he was seen talking to an exotic woman in Cairo. A second later 'e ver seen talking to a ravishing blonde in Barcelona. Gentlemen, who were these men?" Eccles: (lecherous) "Who were those women? Aha ha ha."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "Ned's ______ Dustbin."

Atomic. First aired 5 January 1959. Bluebottle: "Here, dere's a big spider out dere, Oh!" Eccles: "I ain't frightened of big spiders! I'll fix him." SFX:[Door slams. Great roaring of a lion aroused. Terrible battle] Eccles: [Yelling for help] SFX:[Thuds, bangs etc. Door slams] Bluebottle: "'Ere, where's all your clothes?" Eccles: "Bottle, say after me, I must learn the difference between a lion and a spider."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The ______ of Men's Shirts."

Tale. First aired 31 December 1959. German: "Achtung, gentlemen! Be seated. We must have a halt on our war memoirs and go to war! Our scientists have just invented a liquid that will win de war. This chemical, when applied to the tail of a miltary soldier shirt, is tasteless, colourless, and odourless." Second German: "What good is that on the tail of a shirt, hein?" German: "The moment the wearer sits down, the heat from his body causes the chemical to hexplode. This way, the soldier will be neutralized." Second German: "He'll be worse than that." Third German: "Is einer wonderschon, Gerhimmeler!" German: "Speak English, you fool. There are no sub-titles in this scene. Now zen, this is my plan of attack." Second German: "It looks like a nail." German: "No, it's a tack. Ho ho ho ho. Thank you. Who said we Germans haven't a sense of humour?" Second German: "Just about everybody, I tink."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Last ______ Seagoon."

Smoking. First aired 28 January 1960. SEAGOON: "Are you generally responsible for births on this ship?" LALAKAKA:"Not all of them." SEAGOON: "I’m on this trip for my health, I’m a victim of faggins." BANERGEE: "Oh dear dear dear" SEAGOON: "I’ve lost all my teeth and I’ve got hydromynthalics-defatic-thrompyteritis with complications." BANERGEE: "What are the complications?" SEAGOON: "Trying to say that lot without my teeth."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The ______ ______ Penny."

Million Pound. First aired 17 November 1958. SFX: [One coin drops to floor]. SEAGOON: "Now back in the safe with it! Hahahaha! One penny, hahaha, and it’s tax-free. Hahahahahahaha haahaahaha ha, [chokes]." GREENSLADE: "He’s very good, you know, very good indeed. Meantime, with the aid of an ear-trumpet, two men have heard of Miser Ned’s penny, and were heading that way along the old moor road." SFX: [Horse gallops pulling carriage, screech of breaks, chicken noises]. GRYTPYPE: "Coachman! Coachman, why have we stopped?" SINGHIZ: "Chickens are tired, sir." GRYTPYPE: "But gentlemen, my brown paper parcel and I must have shelter for the night. Our underwear is porous."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Scarlet ______."

Capsule. First aired 2 February 1959. Bannister: "This skull is 5 million years old!" Crun and Bannister: [Sings] "Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you." Crun:[Sings] "Happy birthday, dear Minnie, happy birthday to you." Bannister: "Thank you, thank you, Hen, it’s nice of you to remember my skull."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The ______ Eaters."

Mountain. First aired 1 December 1958. Seagoon: "Dear listeners, the art connoisseur wore a suit of shredded brown paper scaffolding around his legs and a body that hadn't been lived in for some time." Eccles: "Well, I'm dressed for the part. I'm going to conquer Mount Snowdon." Seagoon: "It's been climbed before, you know?" Eccles: "Ah, but has anybody eaten it before?" Seagoon: "I've, I've, I've never seen it on the menu." Eccles: "Ah, then the way is clear for my attempt. Hold this plate."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Siege Of Fort ______."

Night. First aired 16 March 1958. SEAGOON: "Can you invent a waterproof military gas stove for cooking ample?" CRUN: "A waterproof gas stove? It's going to be very difficult. You see, you can't get the wood, you know. Can't get it." SEAGOON: "Have you ever built such a thing before?" CRUN: "Well, in a manner of speaking - no. You can't get the wood, you see." SEAGOON: "Is there no way?" CRUN: "Yes, definitely, definitely, there is! But it will be difficult." SEAGOON: "Why?" CRUN: "Because you can't get the wood." SEAGOON: "I can get you the wood." CRUN: "Ah well, that's going to be very difficult." SEAGOON: "Why?" CRUN: "I won't be able to go around saying 'You can't get the wood' anymore."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; " ______ Piano."

Napoleon's. First aired 11 October 1955. Grytpype-Thynne: "All in good time, laddy. Now first, will you sign this contract, in which you guarantee to move the piano from one room to another for five pounds." Seagoon: "Of course I'll sign. Have you any ink?" Grytpype-Thynne: "Here's a fresh bottle." Seagoon: [gulp] "Gad! I was thirsty." Grytpype-Thynne: "Now Neddie, please just sign the contract." Seagoon: "Certainly. [scribbles] Neddie Seagoon. A.G.G." Moriarty: "What's A.G.G. for?" Seagoon: "For the kiddies to ride on! Now, which room is this piano in?" Grytpype-Thynne: "It's erm... It's in the Louvre." Seagoon: "Strange taste you have." Grytpype-Thynne: "We refer to the Louvre Museum." Seagoon: "What what what what what what what what what what? You mean the piano's in Paris?" Grytpype-Thynne: "Yes." Seagoon: "Ahhh! I've been tricked! Yahhahh!" SFX:[Thud] Moriarty: "For the benefit of people without television... He's fainted."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Case of the Missing ______ Plates."

C.D. (Corps Diplomatique). First aired 18 October 1955. Bloodnok: "Here in the most beautiful fountain in Trafalgar Square you have the audacity, and the audicity to wash an overcoat, thus fouling the water. You might have waited until I finished my bath!" Seagoon: "To tell you the truth, sir, I thought you were a statue." Bloodnok: "I have enough decency, sir, not to move when I'm naked." Seagoon: "Haven't you got a bath where you're staying?" Bloodnok: "Of course I have!" Seagoon: "Where are you staying?" Bloodnok: "Here!" Seagoon: "What made you choose Trafalgar Square?" Bloodnok: "Do you like pigeon pie?"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Nasty ______ at the Burami Oasis."

Affair. First aired 4 October 1956. Seagoon: "Sir, sir, there's an Arab riding down on us on a flaming stallion!" Bloodnok: "Watch your language!" Seagoon: "English sir, what's yours?" Bloodnok: "The same! Interpreter, you can go home." Throat: "Right mate!" Seagoon: "There's the flaming Arab." Bloodnok: "Mind your language! There may be sensitive Scott's Guardsmen present!"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The ______ on the Mountain."

Thing. First aired 6 January 1958. SELLERS: "Equipped with his mountaineering kit of one box of matches, Seagoon began to search the lower slopes of Snowdon." SEAGOON: "Yes folks. Yes folks! I was looking to a place to set fire to. Suddenly, before me I saw a small ragged tent made from sacking. Inside was a heap of rags and old clothes. Oh folks - the very thing. Pardon me." SFX: [Box of matches shaken. Match strikes. Sound of flames]. SEAGOON: "Ah ha ha! What a lovely blaze." BLOODNOK: "Awwwww awwwww awwww! Oh, me trousers. Ahh ahhwww! Awwwww!" SEAGOON: "A smoking figure rushed past me and hurriedly sat down in a bucket of water." SFX: [Long burst of steam]. BLOODNOK: "Oohho, that's better." SEAGOON: "I didn't realise these old clothes were alive." BLOODNOK: "What! So you set fire to my trousers, you - you dangerous military clown you! You might have ruined my chances of winning the all-England leg final." SEAGOON: "But wait! You're Major Bloodnok. Ha ha! You remember me?" BLOODNOK: "Do I?" SEAGOON: "Of course. I'm the man who set fire to your trousers."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "Ten ______That Shook the World."

Snowballs. First aired 2 October 1958. Spewells: "Oh, you know there's talk of the bank rate going up, do you?" Plynne: "When'd you hear that?" Spewell: "On the gramophone this morning." Plynne: "It sounds rather dangerous, I think there must have been a leak." Spewell: "Why?" Plynne: "I saw a plumber going in." Spewell: "Water must be flooding the market." Plynne: "We'd better buy some right away, I think."

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The Great ______ Robberies."

String. First aired 13 January 1958. Bloodnok: "Oh, oh, oh I've never had it as bad as this before! Oh, dear, oh, oh, the wind must be 40 knots at least! Well, I hope we don't have to launch the lifeboat tonight. Just in case they ask me, I'll put one arm in a sling and lie down in a mock faint." SFX: [Knock on door] Bloodnok: "Who is that there, who is it? Who is, who is out of there? Only a lunatic would be out on such a storm!" SFX:[Door opens] Bloodnok: "Yes?" Eccles Choir: "Good King Wenceslas" Bloodnok: "Thank you." SFX: [Slams door. Knock. Opens] Bloodnok: "Yes?" Eccles: "Merry Christmas?" Bloodnok: "You crazy, mixed-up Eccleses, you. Christmas is gone! Eccles: "Oh, which way'd it go?" Bloodnok: "It's finished!" Eccles: "Finished? Oh, penny for the guy? then?" Bloodnok: "That's not til next November!" Eccles: "Can we come in and wait then?"

Identify the missing word from this "Goon Show" title; "The ______ Spy Enigma."

Whistling. First aired 28 September 1954. Seagoon: "Major, I have been shadowed here by the Hungarian highly skilled mysterious secret anti-whistling police." Bloodnok: "Horrors!" Seagoon: "Yes, I'd like to stay the week here if possible. What do you say?" Bloodnok: "Twelve and six a day, food extra." Seagoon: "Your charging me, an Englishman, to stay at the British Embassy?" Bloodnok: "It's the holiday season. They charge twice as much at Blackpool." Seagoon: "I'm not here on holiday, I'm here on a dangerous mission." Bloodnok: "You mean you might get killed?" Seagoon: "Yes." Bloodnok: "Oh well, that's different. Well, under the circumstances, I must ask for the rent in advance." Seagoon: "I've never been so insulted in all my life!" Bloodnok: "Come now, with a face like that? You must have been!"