Special Sub-Topic: Married Humour!
|Who said, "The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him"?|
Cher. Well, Cher should know, she's had a little bit of experience in the marriage stakes.
|According to Agatha Christie, what was the best career for any woman's husband to have?|
Archaeologist. "An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her." And, while we're on the subject, "Archaeologist - someone whose career lies in ruins."
|Ann Landers said, "At every party there are two kinds of people - those who want to go home and those who don't, the trouble is, they are usually ____ . " |
married to each other. Ann Landers also said, "Some people believe that holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength; however, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go - and then do it."
|Socrates said, "My advice to you is get married; if you find a good wife you'll be happy; if not, you'll become a ____ . " |
Philosopher. Another ancient philosopher, Euripides, said, "Man's best possession is a sympathetic wife."
|What did Erma Bombeck say you should go live with, when she said, "Marriage has no guarantees; if that's what you're looking for, go live with a _____ . "|
car battery. Erma Bombeck also said, "When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, I used everything you gave me."
|Ogden Nash said, "To keep your marriage brimming, with love in the loving cup; whenever you're wrong admit it, whenever you're right ____ . "|
shut up. Ogden Nash also said, "Marriage is the alliance of two people; one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets."
|Who is quoted as having said, "Sometimes I wonder if men and women really suit each other; perhaps they should live next door and just visit now and then."?|
Katharine Hepburn. Katharine Hepburn is also quoted as saying, "If you want to sacrifice the admiration of many men for the criticism of one, go ahead, get married."
|Of what was Samuel Johnson speaking when he said it was the triumph of hope over experience?|
A second marriage. Often incorrectly attributed to Wilde it was in fact Johnson who made the comment in 1791. Oscar Wilde also said, "Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence." And, "Niagara Falls is the bride's second great disappointment."
|Who said, "They say love is blind and marriage is an institution; well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet"?|
Mae West. Mae West was also quoted as saying, "Too much of a good thing is wonderful." And, "He's the kind of man a woman would have to marry to get rid of."
|Comedienne Rita Rudner summed up marriage when she said, "I think men who have a _____ ear are better prepared for marriage; they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."|
pierced. Rita also said, "I love being married; it's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." And, "When I meet a man I ask myself; is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"
|Between whom did Honore de Balzac say a good marriage would be?|
A blind wife and a deaf husband. Honore de Balzac said, "A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband." He also was quoted as saying, "The majority of husbands remind me of an orangutan trying to play the violin."
|Who said, "Getting divorced just because you don't love a man is almost as silly as getting married just because you do."?|
Zsa Zsa Gabor. Zsa Zsa is also quoted as saying, "A man in love is incomplete until he has married; then he is finished." And, "I know nothing about sex because I was always married."
|Which comedian said, "Marriage is a wonderful invention, then again, so is a bicycle repair kit."?|
|Of what did Benjamin Disraeli say being amiable every day to the same human being would destroy?|
One's nerves. Disraeli said, "It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being." And, "No man is regular in his attendance at the House of Commons until he is married."
|Who is quoted has having said, "Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows; marriage does?"|
Groucho Marx. Marx also said, "I was married by a judge; I should have asked for a jury."
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