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| 1.
In a sports bar, a slacker says to a little boy: 'My mother always said that soda rots your teeth but you're gonna lose them teeth anyway so rot on, right?' |
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| 2.
'You have the right to remain unconscious. Anything you say ain't gonna be much.' |
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| 3.
'Yoo hoo. I'll make you famous.' |
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4.
A father and daughter are at the breakfast table:
'No thanks, I don't like eggs.'
'What?'
'But you love eggs!'
'Okay, then give me lots of eggs.' |
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| 5.
A southern good looking lawyer says: 'I am a liberal Row-Ark. What I am not is a card-carrying ACLU radical.' |
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6.
Sitting around a campfire.
First guy: 'I'm always considerate. It's something my mother taught me.'
Second guy laughs.
First guy: 'Why do you laugh? You don't think I'm considerate?'
Second guy: 'I don't believe you had a mother.' |
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| 7.
In a parking lot in the summertime: 'I did it when I was a freshman, and you'll do it when you're seniors. Now fry like bacon you little freshman piggies! Fry!' |
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| 8.
'I once talked a guy out of blowing up the Sears Tower but I can't talk my wife out of the bedroom or my kid off the phone.' |
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| 9.
'What if I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find one... and my bladder explodes?' |
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10.
In a convenience store, two cops say:
'Now back up, put down the gun and give me a pack of Tropical Fruit Bubblicious.'
'And some Skittles.' |
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